God, I love it when I find a song that fits a future scene SO well and has lyrics that could inspire things like dialogue and setting. 
Teens Writing for Teens, the 5th
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Hi guys. Managed to see Potter today. I'm no longer thinking straight, but I'm going to try forcing myself to write. This will be great fun.
Untrue!
I got my brother - who is a huge GRRM fan - a boxed Game of Thrones game!
And he liked it a lot.
There's also the GRRM Game of Thrones RPG game, which I hear is extraordinarily detailed, but suffers from the fact that there's nothing to do. I mean, sure, you COULD try to kill plot characters out of canonical sequence, but that's kinda boring.
Same problem as the Babylon 5 RPG has.
Para? Are you about? Also to anyone else: could you perchance give me some feedback on my query?
Le gasp!
So, Para, I'm in a rock and a hard place.
Do I get the Altered Carbon audiobook for free...or the Song of Ice and Fire audio book for free?
I can't get both.
Hems.
Haws.
So, Para, I'm in a rock and a hard place.
Do I get the Altered Carbon audiobook for free...or the Song of Ice and Fire audio book for free?
I can't get both.
Hems.
Haws.
Hallo there!
Okay, so very early draft, but not sure what needs fixing, exactly.
*snipped*
Okay, so very early draft, but not sure what needs fixing, exactly.
*snipped*
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Two incredibly dark and powerful books, both the start of a brilliant series. I love them both. Take your pick.
The first paragraph strikes me as an understatement in terms of 'bad things'. Maybe 'lives in fear of the simmering tensions between the whoosits and the whatinininnies' and such might be a more muchy wordification.
If the government is that down on superstitions, why would Rose (who is clear headed enough to be scared of oncoming political threats) blab about it? Make it more clear how the information got out.
Avar's character seems a bit hard to pin down, as does why he pulls out. Plus, I could stand to know why him leaving makes her think she'll be alone forever. Like, if she had had zero luck in the love game before then, and their relationship starts to grow, THEN he leaves, I can see her being more forelorn.
As it is, you need more focusing on the interpersonal conflicts that will be driving the emotional core of the story. You have the external problem (prison and what not), but that other stuff I said feels fuzzy and ill defined.
If the government is that down on superstitions, why would Rose (who is clear headed enough to be scared of oncoming political threats) blab about it? Make it more clear how the information got out.
Avar's character seems a bit hard to pin down, as does why he pulls out. Plus, I could stand to know why him leaving makes her think she'll be alone forever. Like, if she had had zero luck in the love game before then, and their relationship starts to grow, THEN he leaves, I can see her being more forelorn.
As it is, you need more focusing on the interpersonal conflicts that will be driving the emotional core of the story. You have the external problem (prison and what not), but that other stuff I said feels fuzzy and ill defined.
Okay, thanks Zoom. Yeah, I wasn't too happy with that last line. Mostly it's because she's got her family locked away and then he leaves too, but I feel like it's a sentiment I'd need a lot more time to tackle.
Thanks for the feedback!
Thanks for the feedback!
I wish I could be helpful, Ky, but I know absolutely nothing about querying (and am terrified of the day I have to write one for fiction). I do like the beginning as a hook though. Especially the second sentence--that made me laugh.
Now, to work my butt off on a nonfiction query. -vanishes for awhile-
Now, to work my butt off on a nonfiction query. -vanishes for awhile-
You said in the other thread you were going to stay away because you knew what it would do to you.
Welcome to the dark side.
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Hmmm... I was reading through Karlas blog (... stalker), and she mentioned something about the the three act structure, and now I'm reading through all these posts about it that the search gave me, trying to find out what exactly it is. It's supposed to help plot out a novel or something, and I could really use that right about now. I have to make a five hour drive tomorrow, and I'd like something to do.
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Like the query, Kyrie. I think you need to maintain the emphasis on failure all the way through the query. At the moment the fear of being alone, while understandable, comes a little bit out of the blue at the end. If her defining trait is that she screws up everything, her worst fear should be failing again and getting her whole family killed. Does that make sense?
Guys, on character ages, is fourteen, twelve and eleven too young for YA viewpoint characters?
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I had a question on ages, too. People told me 13-18 (some people said up to 20) is YA ages. I don't know for sure, though.
Honestly, yes. Children tend to "read up", reading about characters who are older than they are. It's going to be tough to persuade a 17-year-old reader to read about 11 and 12-year-old protagonists. Even the 14-year-old protagonist is kind of pushing it. I would expect 15 to be about the minimum for a YA protagonist.
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