Don't be one of these writers (inappropriate pitches)

kangolNcurlz · Feb 12, 2011

Those were funny. My favorite is the airplane one. As I was reading, I kept thinking that it's great to see writers supporting each other instead of trying to undercut one another. Unfortunately, I probably would have been right there in line - when opportunity knocks....

The bathroom one is a bit creepy - and the fact that she let her hair drag on the bathroom floor to peek under the stall is...disgusting

.

The buffet one, I kept waiting for the agent to say, "sure, send it to me," just to get away from her.

The woman with the whip is quite bold.

The one who sent all her manuscripts to the editor was clueless. I feel sorry for her. Great opportunity missed, but hopefully a lesson learned.

Great link.

Diana W. · Feb 18, 2011

Unbelievable. :Jaw:

The crop story was funny though!

cptwentworth · Feb 18, 2011

The bathroom one would have terrified me if I were the editor in the stall. I have to say, though, with folks like that out there pitching, it makes it all the more probable for the rest of us to actually get in.

Becky Black · Feb 19, 2011

cptwentworth said:
The bathroom one would have terrified me if I were the editor in the stall. I have to say, though, with folks like that out there pitching, it makes it all the more probable for the rest of us to actually get in.

I know what you mean. I feel sorry for the poor editors and agents who have to put up with all this crap, but when reading stories like these, or looking at sites like Slush Pile Hell I tend to think "keep at it, loonies, keep on lowering the bar."

Kitty27 · Feb 19, 2011

Oh,my. I thought that I was barking mad. These people have lost all sense of control.

Eddyz Aquila · Mar 1, 2011

I would have covered my face after that "crop smacking" business. That is just plain scary.

Purple Rose · Mar 1, 2011

An entertaining change from what to do and how to do it nicely in query world. Thank you for the link!

Writer-2-Author · Mar 6, 2011

You mean to tell me I can't talk to an agent in the bathroom? Oh man, I'm crushed. That would be the perfect place to make them a captured audience, wouldn't you think??? Yeah, I'm laughing!

MissMacchiato · Mar 6, 2011

oh my goodness, those are so mindblowingly inappropriate!

I remember leaving my desk momentarily to go to the bathroom once. I had a superior staff member follow me in, and proceed to tell me what she wanted done with a particular document.

I was just staggered. I wasn't at the sink, I wasn't drying my hands, I was in a cubicle, peeing. There are times to discuss work related things. When you're peeing is not one of them.

Susan Coffin · Mar 6, 2011

MissMacchiato said:
oh my goodness, those are so mindblowingly inappropriate!

I remember leaving my desk momentarily to go to the bathroom once. I had a superior staff member follow me in, and proceed to tell me what she wanted done with a particular document.

I was just staggered. I wasn't at the sink, I wasn't drying my hands, I was in a cubicle, peeing. There are times to discuss work related things. When you're peeing is not one of them.

Now, that is horrible. Awhile back, I decided to go to a local gym at lunchtime to go for a run. I happened to mention it to the office manager in passing, who said, "You have to take a shower before you come back to work." I couldn't believe she would say something so inappropriate. I called her on it too. Once she realized how it came across, she was pretty embarrassed. I think we laughed about it later.

PopLit · Mar 7, 2011

What these stories tell me is that the entire established publishing process is seriously flawed. It's completely hierarchical, with the publishers/agents/editors at the top of the pyramid having all the leverage, and the writer-- the actual creator-- put into the position of supplicant. "Please publish me!" And of course the emphasis is put on professionalism, on catering to the established bureaucracies, and their models, beginning with the university. The result is competence instead of genius. Ultimately: mediocrity. After all, the Van Goghs, Gaugins, Dostoevskys, Bobby Fischers et.al. are too wacked out to jump through the proper hoops and play the game. In Fischer's case, it was only because he was in a field starved for energy and real talent that despite his craziness, for a time he prevailed.
The thing about writing and publishing is that right now playing the game is so unnecessary. Even if you buck the odds and become one-in-a-million actually published by the congloms, if you're not Jonathan Franzen you're not going to get any kind of promo backing, which means your book will die. Awhile back I saw approved writers like Blake B at HTML Giant complaining that being published by HarperP meant little, for this very reason.
This is the age of DIY, folks. Writers in fact are publishing their own books like crazy. What they lack is proper marketing. But there are ways to solve that problem, and in so doing give the moribund giants represented by the inefficient pyramid of skyscraper isolated agents and editors some actual competition-- maybe collapsing that monopilistic pyramid in the process. Crazy? maybe. But after all, these are revolutionary times. . . .

Kewii · Mar 8, 2011

MissMacchiato said:
oh my goodness, those are so mindblowingly inappropriate!

I remember leaving my desk momentarily to go to the bathroom once. I had a superior staff member follow me in, and proceed to tell me what she wanted done with a particular document.

I was just staggered. I wasn't at the sink, I wasn't drying my hands, I was in a cubicle, peeing. There are times to discuss work related things. When you're peeing is not one of them.

I find it's common just about everywhere. People seem to stop thinking when they get focused on anything. My students are just as bad for it. I could be locked in my classroom, in the bathroom, or speaking to another student and they have to know -RIGHT NOW- if their paper needs to be size 12 or if they can use word art.

IconReline · Mar 14, 2011

I normally lurk on here for advice, but I have to comment on this one.

a) Oh MY
b) on the bright side, if I ever get nervous about pitching, I can always think to myself "well, it's got to be better than cornering an editor with a large dog-collar wearing man in a bathroom stall!" or "glad I didn't try the old "cracking the dominatrix whip" trick!"
c) Another reason to carry mace.

Mayusan · Mar 14, 2011

omg, if that would have happened to me in the bathroom, I would have called security

Diane Holmes · Mar 14, 2011

Kelli is a hoot and has a lovely sense of humor.

She wrote that article for us over at Pitch U, and I died laughing when she sent it in. She's been on a lot of cold medicine at the time, which seemed to work for the article. I remember reading it to my husband off my Iphone. My DH has been around writers, well, since we got married, so he gets it.

The thing that always amazes me is how really nice most editors and agents are. And tolerant.

Niti Newtfinger · Mar 14, 2011

Oh my goodness. I can't decide to laugh or cry, or be grateful that I know what's professional and what's not.

Aylaa · Mar 14, 2011

It's funny reading these stories whilst I'm sitting in a coffee shop sitting next to some guy picking his nose. Lowering your head makes you invisible right?

rescuecatsrule · Apr 1, 2011

What. On. Earth. :scared:

Rane · Apr 1, 2011

Wow, those are unbelievable. The bathroom one was actually kind of scary. Some people will do anything to get noticed.

Alessandra Kelley · Apr 1, 2011

Aïïïeee.

Rufus Coppertop · Apr 3, 2011

Ditto and eeeek!

SLake · Jul 25, 2011

PopLit said:
What these stories tell me is that the entire established publishing process is seriously flawed. It's completely hierarchical, with the publishers/agents/editors at the top of the pyramid having all the leverage, and the writer-- the actual creator-- put into the position of supplicant. "Please publish me!" And of course the emphasis is put on professionalism, on catering to the established bureaucracies, and their models, beginning with the university. The result is competence instead of genius. Ultimately: mediocrity. After all, the Van Goghs, Gaugins, Dostoevskys, Bobby Fischers et.al. are too wacked out to jump through the proper hoops and play the game. In Fischer's case, it was only because he was in a field starved for energy and real talent that despite his craziness, for a time he prevailed.
The thing about writing and publishing is that right now playing the game is so unnecessary. Even if you buck the odds and become one-in-a-million actually published by the congloms, if you're not Jonathan Franzen you're not going to get any kind of promo backing, which means your book will die. Awhile back I saw approved writers like Blake B at HTML Giant complaining that being published by HarperP meant little, for this very reason.
This is the age of DIY, folks. Writers in fact are publishing their own books like crazy. What they lack is proper marketing. But there are ways to solve that problem, and in so doing give the moribund giants represented by the inefficient pyramid of skyscraper isolated agents and editors some actual competition-- maybe collapsing that monopilistic pyramid in the process. Crazy? maybe. But after all, these are revolutionary times. . . .

I like this opinion because it's sympathetic to those struggling to be published, no matter their idiosyncratic methods.
And re poplit's suggestions: I read about some guy who published with Kindle and now he's a best seller. Reviews say it's not top-shelf writing, but pleasant and easy to read.
The stories in the link of unusual pitching, well, the 'victim' seldom goes into detail about the story being pitched, and if I found myself in their position I'd want to know - regardless of the pitcher's idiosyncrasies.

Anyway, aren't writers supposed to be at the top of the tree? They that rattle the earth - pen mightier than all the puny armies of earth?
And publishers and their ilk... "well, I stood there with my tray of food going cold whilst being pitched at," awww, poor little afflicted soul.

It inspires me to try a little pitching like that myself if I ever get the chance. Never get sold that way, true enough, but be fun watching the weeds trembling, lol.

veinglory · Jul 25, 2011

If a person really doesn't give a toss what mainstrean editors and agents think and would enjoy annoying them, why on earth would they be pitching in the first place?

IMHO it sounds a bit like: I hate my Mom she's a total unreasonable b$tch... but I still want her to bake me cookies.

Ari Meermans · Jul 25, 2011

SLake said:
It inspires me to try a little pitching like that myself if I ever get the chance. Never get sold that way, true enough, but be fun watching the weeds trembling, lol.

I have no words for that last sentence—at least no words that wouldn't earn me a time-out from a mod—but I will say this:
I have more respect for my work than to deliberately commit career suicide by exhibiting irresponsible and unprofessional behavior to prove a silly point.

veinglory said:
If a person really doesn't give a toss what mainstrean editors and agents think and would enjoy annoying them, why on earth would they be pitching in the first place?

IMHO it sounds a bit like: I hate my Mom she's a total unreasonable b$tch... but I still want her to bake me cookies.

Yeah, but then I'd have had to worry what she put in the cookies.

Cyia · Jul 25, 2011

SLake said:
Anyway, aren't writers supposed to be at the top of the tree? They that rattle the earth - pen mightier than all the puny armies of earth?

The dream of writing is that the writer toils and and publishers all fight for the resulting MS, but that dream never takes into account supply and demand.

If there were 200 publishers for every writer, then they'd be fighting tooth and nail for every decent book. But there are THOUSANDS of writers all trying to get published by the same handful of publishers, so they can be more selective.

Don't be one of these writers (inappropriate pitches)

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