The Worst First ...
- Thread starter pyrosama
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It was a cold, stormy night as I was creeping down the hallway when I saw my dog, his eyes sad, then I realized I forgot to feed him so went to the kitchen to do that first, then got back to the hallway.
He would always remember his first: curves with dimples, perky rear-end, sexy leather bra, how she purred when turned on and the stale aroma of cigarettes mingling with a piney perfume as he drove the ‘93 Chevy Camaro off the used car lot.
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He wore a cheap blue three piece polyester suit with a peaked collar and a pair of frankly hideous plum-coloured imitation leather winklepickers, no doubt purchased from some cheap high street store; I liked his fedora though, that looked pricey.
You could say Thurston Pennypacker Snacklebean was exactly like a ninja, if ninjas had rock hard skin, superhuman strength and reflexes so fast they made cats cover their faces in shame, or since ninjas aren't that great, you could just say he was like a super-ninja.
I actually like that. I'd read more to see what's going on.
My entry: Let me set the stage for the story I am about to tell you; there's a lot you will need to understand if this story's to make any sense.
This story is about how I sat down at a computer to write the story of my life, which I started with the awesome phrase, "This story is about how I sat down at a computer to write the story of my life." The next words I typed were, "which I started with the awesome phrase," which really are awesome words when written the way I wrote them.
This is the best novel you'll ever read, so get comfy because once you start you won't be able to stop.
Rhatt looked visually in the reflective mirror at her own slowly simmering rose-red eyes, softly gleaming silver-taupe pelt, and eight teats, sleepily wondering if she was dreaming.
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He woke up with a cheery disposition until he
realized it was Tuesday, and it was his turn in
the barrel.
realized it was Tuesday, and it was his turn in
the barrel.
Here's another rejected B-W entry:
Snake-eye Johnson slouched in the corner of his cell at the gray-bar hotel and noticed that the bars weren’t entirely gray but rust colored in places, no doubt caused by the piss and vomit of hundreds of cowboys before him, and though most of the bars were uniformly parallel, some were divergent just like his path through life.
Snake-eye Johnson slouched in the corner of his cell at the gray-bar hotel and noticed that the bars weren’t entirely gray but rust colored in places, no doubt caused by the piss and vomit of hundreds of cowboys before him, and though most of the bars were uniformly parallel, some were divergent just like his path through life.
Chased through the streets of New York, he found himself
cornered by the gang of hoodlums with no where to run; when
suddenly he took off out across the desert, the man in black
on his heels.
cornered by the gang of hoodlums with no where to run; when
suddenly he took off out across the desert, the man in black
on his heels.
When the Al Quaeda terrorist hit me on the back of the head he couldn't have known how thick my skull was or how mad he'd make me; mad enough that I saw red, white and blue.
This is a story about the most profound experience of my life- the night I discovered infomercials and the addictive power of Billy Mays sexy voice.
Theresa’s thumbs twitched as her kidnapper yawned, exposing his dental fillings and tongue stud which looked like a grinning emoticon, albeit a sideways one with three eyes, but her phone had been confiscated and her silent LOL message went nowhere.
- Joined
- Jul 21, 2011
- Messages
- 737
- Reaction score
- 20
- Location
- Tallahassee
- Website
- matrix-hole.blogspot.com
- Joined
- Jul 21, 2011
- Messages
- 737
- Reaction score
- 20
- Location
- Tallahassee
- Website
- matrix-hole.blogspot.com
The long, winding road meandered into the distant sky and stretched beyond the horizon, where the sun settled at the end of its nether region.
That's not an opening line I actually considered using. Really, it's not.
You should! That could be the beginning of a funny short.
- Joined
- Jul 21, 2011
- Messages
- 737
- Reaction score
- 20
- Location
- Tallahassee
- Website
- matrix-hole.blogspot.com
I agree! It is brilliantly funny.
I'm flattered! I'm in a local writing club and we have monthly topics similar to flash fiction. I'll suggest something with cellphones and then use this for my opening line.