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Space Marine and Dragonwrangler Bar & Grill
- Thread starter ChaosTitan
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So the fastest way to empty the cantina is to ask for a bribe then?
Wow, I came in at the right time xD
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spent the morning mixing audio for my steampunk stories. Now mixing audio on another project. You guys gotta hear it, it's too funny. Ace is in it!
Grargh. I had a multi-quote and I lost it. Not going to even try to re-multi-quote.
On a scale of 1 to 10, how unpleasant an experience is using unflavoured rice cakes to mop up tomato sauce from canned pasta (and then eating them) going to be?
On a scale of 1 to 10, how unpleasant an experience is using unflavoured rice cakes to mop up tomato sauce from canned pasta (and then eating them) going to be?
Depends on the canned pasta I guess. :shrug:
I just bought two books and now I can't decide which to read first. This is a problem.
In future remember to use Notepad.
(you can sometimes get funky breaks, but it works)
You humaniods make me smile
Warhorse has an entire small hill patchwork muzzle-plowed. He's working very hard for his grass. Earlier I left him to graze and walked to the barn (not his barn) and he followed me, dragging his rope the whole way
Warhorse has an entire small hill patchwork muzzle-plowed. He's working very hard for his grass. Earlier I left him to graze and walked to the barn (not his barn) and he followed me, dragging his rope the whole way
In future remember to use Notepad.
Normally I do, but garaunteed any day I'm like, "Ah, too much work" is the day I accidentally hit the back button. It's an ineffable law of the universe
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Morning all
Urgh. My shift was at 2 pm till I agreed to change it to 10am. Kinda wishing I hadn't done it now
Urgh. My shift was at 2 pm till I agreed to change it to 10am. Kinda wishing I hadn't done it now
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Coffee
Coffee coffee coffee Coffee coffee coffee Coffee coffee coffee Coffee coffee coffee Coffee coffee coffee Coffee coffee coffee Coffee coffee coffee Coffee coffee coffee Coffee coffee coffee Coffee coffee coffee Coffee coffee coffee Coffee coffee coffee Coffee coffee coffee Coffee coffee coffee Coffee coffee coffee Coffee coffee coffee Coffee coffee coffee Coffee coffee coffee Coffee coffee coffee Coffee coffee coffee Coffee coffee coffee Coffee coffee coffee Coffee coffee coffee Coffee coffee coffee Coffee coffee coffee Coffee coffee coffee Coffee coffee coffee Coffee coffee coffee Coffee coffee coffee Coffee coffee coffee Coffee coffee coffee Coffee coffee coffee Coffee coffee coffee Coffee coffee coffee Coffee coffee coffee
I have coffee guys *leers at her coffee cup*
Coffee coffee coffee Coffee coffee coffee Coffee coffee coffee Coffee coffee coffee Coffee coffee coffee Coffee coffee coffee Coffee coffee coffee Coffee coffee coffee Coffee coffee coffee Coffee coffee coffee Coffee coffee coffee Coffee coffee coffee Coffee coffee coffee Coffee coffee coffee Coffee coffee coffee Coffee coffee coffee Coffee coffee coffee Coffee coffee coffee Coffee coffee coffee Coffee coffee coffee Coffee coffee coffee Coffee coffee coffee Coffee coffee coffee Coffee coffee coffee Coffee coffee coffee Coffee coffee coffee Coffee coffee coffee Coffee coffee coffee Coffee coffee coffee Coffee coffee coffee Coffee coffee coffee Coffee coffee coffee Coffee coffee coffee Coffee coffee coffee Coffee coffee coffee
I have coffee guys *leers at her coffee cup*
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You know what? The book fairy did come after all! I finally finished opening all my holiday cards and in the card from my publisher there's a code good for a $7 buck book.
Now I just have to figure out what to buy.
Now I just have to figure out what to buy.
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And OMG, the cat is asleep on my legs. How can 8.5 lbs turn into a ton when he falls asleep?
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As the Cantina turns - Operation Christmas Smibble
“Hey Angel.”
“Oh, hi Eye, what's up?” Angel moved a pile of paper and a book off a chair so Eye could sit down.
“I just wondered if you wanted to come on over and join in our talk with Arthur and Robin over there. We're doing a spot of planning,” Eye winked at Angel and pointed to the huddle of people at a corner table.
“Sorry,” said Angel, “I have a commission. I need to write a musical by New Year's Eve.”
“A commission? You mean money? Impressive,” he picked up the book and read the spine.
“Yeah, there was a notice on the noticeboard.”
“That's generally where you find notices,” said Eye nodding.
“I noticed that the notice said that it was an urgent job and that they needed entertainment for a big do they had going on New Year's Eve. Their previous entertainment had cancelled at short notice. I get a bonus for working over the holiday too, look.” Angel picked up a book off the table and flourished it at Eye.
“Nice, what is it?”
“A signed Mills and Boon compendium,” he pointed to the signatures on the flyleaf, both written in red and accompanied by many hearts and kisses.
Eye left Angel to his work and returned to the huddle of people around the coffee table.
“Well?” Asked Cobra.
“No deal, says he's got some work on. He's writing a musical.” Eye sat down.
“Musical, eh?” Said BW, “Which one?”
“I believe he's trying 1984,” said Eye
“You're joking,” said BW, “He's never going to top Rick Wakeman and Tim Rice is he?”
“Let's not tell him eh, poor love.” They both chuckled.
“Can we get back to the plan?” asked Cobra, and five pairs of eyes moved to the numerous sketches scattered across the table between old coffee cups and spent pens,
“Now, the Star Wars Christmas Special starts in two hours and we know that the whole cantina's planning on turning up to watch it,” Cobra looked at BW who nodded,
“You should see Ali, she's gone through two kettles and six packets of teabags already.”
“Surely she's going to do her kidneys no good drinking all that,” said Eye, they looked back to Cobra who pointed to one of the maps and continued,
“As that starts Arthur and Robin here, will lead the re-enactors from Round Table along the main corridors here and here, down to romance.”
Arthur interrupted,
“Once there, we will seduce the romance people with our charms and secure the main entrance door, the area around the bar and the back exit to the store room.”
He stabbed at the places on a map of the romance forum with a letter opener that looked suspiciously sharp. Robin chimed in, virtually saluting in his seat,
“We hold until relieved, my Lord.”
“Does he have to keep calling you that?” BW muttered under his breath.
Arthur rolled his eyes and then feigned a grin,
“Yes, Robin, we hold until relieved,” Robin sighed with pleasure and bowed in his seat.
Eye leant forward and brought a new piece of paper to the top of the pile,
“While you're doing that,” he said, “we sneak out of the cantina and take the back stairs down to romance which we know from reading the forum will be deserted at that time. We sneak in to romance disguised as, er, what are we going disguised as again Cobra?”
“Marines,” answered Cobra, patting a canvas sack beside his chair, “those romance types love uniforms.”
“Right, Marines,” said Eye, “we get in, secure the prisoners and then bring them back out the same way.”
“I hope those uniforms are clean,” said BW, “I'm not sure about that smell,” he wrinkled his nose.
“They've been in storage,” said Cobra, “a couple of minutes acclimation down the back corridor and you won't notice anything.“
Arthur continued,
“Once you're out of the room, we make our excuses and leave.”
“Everyone should be back here by the time the second film starts and no one will know we were gone,” said BW.
“Excellent plan,” said Arthur, standing up and putting his gauntlets on, “What could go wrong? See you in a couple of hours then.”
Arthur and Robin made their way out as more cantinas came in to fill up the seats arranged in front of the big screen, which currently showed a countdown clock to the first film.
“One hour thirty,” said Eye, “let's check those kit bags once more shall we?”
* *
As the music started and Eye, his back to the screen recited,
“A long time ago in a galaxy, far, far away,...”
Cobra nodded to BW and Eye and they all picked up their kit bags and walked to the front of the cantina. With the house lights down, their way was illuminated solely by flickers from the big screen. No one watched them leave.
So when they walked out into the corridor beyond and found their way blocked by two men from removals manoeuvring a giant portrait of George Orwell off the wall, no one saw them panic. With a loud crunch, the picture frame hit first, a removal man's leg and then the stone floor, wedging itself between two paving stones. Moving at glacial speed the two removal men tried to prise the picture free with some help from Eye.
Several moments later, frustration finally got the better of Cobra, who waved his hands at the picture
“Get this thing out, can't you? We have an appointment.”
“Can't help that guv. She's stuck good and solid.” One of the men gave the picture a feeble push.
“So what are you going to do?” Cobra put his hands on hips.
“Got to call for assistance from the theatre folk. They'll be here in a few minutes”
“We don't have a few minutes, my man, we need to get past now.” Cobra looked at his watch.
“Sorry, you'll have to wait.” The man shrugged his shoulders, as his partner pulled his phone out of an overall pocket and began texting.
“Anyway, why do you need this picture now? It's New Year's Eve? Surely, you have better things to do on New Year's Eve?”
“Ordinarily, yeah, but this was a rush job. Lady turned up in person, offered us double-double time and a half and a free seat at the concert. Well, Larry and me, we couldn't refuse, especially when she gave us free flowers and told us to bring the wife. Posh do like this. My wife'll love it.” The removal men both rubbed their hands together, smiling.
Eye and BW exchanged looks, Cobra finally lost his patience,
“Forget it, we need a plan B,” he said. Eye felt around in his rucksack and pulled out a piece of paper with a giant 'B' printed on the back,
“Looks like we need the back door then,” he said, turning and leading them back into the cantina.
A few moments later and they reassembled outside the cantina backdoor.
“What is that smell?” Asked Cobra, waving his hand in front of his face and grimacing.
“Canned back alley,” said Eye, kicking a can towards Cobra, “The supplier sends it regularly.”
“Why?” Asked BW.
“Something to do with us being writers, we don't generate enough mess, so they provide that to keep up appearances. Let's get going eh? We're at least 15 minutes behind schedule.”
They started off down the stairs at a gentle jog. Within ten steps they were all puffing and panting,
“You know, I'm thinking I need to get more exercise,” said Cobra.
“Yeah, or less stairs,” said BW.
They rested for a moment on a landing and then continued down.
“Oh, look,” said Cobra, “Someone's done some decorating down here. There's artwork on the walls.”
They walked past a few frames, laughing at one of Tom Cruise as Jack Reacher,
“Apt name,” said Eye.
“Hey, look at this one,” said BW.
“Isn't that...,” began Eye.
Cobra stopped and walked back to where Eye and BW were standing beside a signed framed picture of an actress he couldn't quite place.
“Yeah, from 1967,” said BW.
“Oh look, and she'd obviously just hurt her wrist in that stunt accident.”
Cobra looked from Eye to BW.
“Right, but it's before they filmed the episode with the giant alien carnivorous plants because you can't see the creeper burns on her neck.”
Cobra looked from BW to Eye. They were oblivious to him as they discussed the poster. He gradually became aware of a low buzz coming from just beside the door leading into the romance corridor. Looking around he saw a small bee hive.
“What's that doing there?” He murmured.
“What?” Asked BW, Cobra pointed, but BW had already turned back to discussing the poster again with Eye. Cobra walked over to take a look. It really was a beehive, with living bees, although some of them looked a bit wobbly. Cobra looked closer,
“How did you get here?” He asked the hive. There was no answer. He looked around the corridor, there were no clues. Eye and BW stood discussing the poster, growing ever more animated. Cobra frowned and began to think things through.
There was the sudden invitation to the library the previous week for Bos, NP, Ken, Stanley, Liosse and Ace - they still hadn't returned. Tonight, the removal men that had forced them off their original route, then there was artwork exhibition all down the stairs, and now a beehive. Cobra pivoted on his heel,
“Duck and cover people. Trap. Trap.”
He dived for the other side of the corridor, yelping with pain as his elbow hit the wall.
Then the lights went out.
A few seconds later they came back on. Standing over him was a short woman with a severe face wearing an equally severely cut suit.
“You!” Cobra spat the word out. She responded with a severe smile
“I see my reputation precedes me. Tell me, did you like my honey trap?” she licked her lips in a very slow and precise motion. Cobra shuddered.
“Those bees are ill,” said Cobra, “You need to get them proper care.”
“They're fine. I borrowed them from Horror you know, they're zombie bees. The best kind for this kind of work I find.”
She flicked a thumb over her shoulder and spoke to someone behind her,
“Horace, bring them would you?”
Cobra looked around to see BW and Eye still standing and discussing, but now covered from head to foot in netting. Cobra shook his head, he was pretty sure that they wouldn't even notice something was wrong until the picture went out of their line of vision, and even then it was a fifty-fifty chance.
“What now?” He said turning back to the severe woman in the severe suit.
“What's in the bag?” she said snatching Cobra's rucksack from his hand. Wrinkling her nose at the smell she pulled out a military jacket.
“Oo, a uniform. You know I just love uniforms. And now you get to see my show.”
“Hey Angel.”
“Oh, hi Eye, what's up?” Angel moved a pile of paper and a book off a chair so Eye could sit down.
“I just wondered if you wanted to come on over and join in our talk with Arthur and Robin over there. We're doing a spot of planning,” Eye winked at Angel and pointed to the huddle of people at a corner table.
“Sorry,” said Angel, “I have a commission. I need to write a musical by New Year's Eve.”
“A commission? You mean money? Impressive,” he picked up the book and read the spine.
“Yeah, there was a notice on the noticeboard.”
“That's generally where you find notices,” said Eye nodding.
“I noticed that the notice said that it was an urgent job and that they needed entertainment for a big do they had going on New Year's Eve. Their previous entertainment had cancelled at short notice. I get a bonus for working over the holiday too, look.” Angel picked up a book off the table and flourished it at Eye.
“Nice, what is it?”
“A signed Mills and Boon compendium,” he pointed to the signatures on the flyleaf, both written in red and accompanied by many hearts and kisses.
Eye left Angel to his work and returned to the huddle of people around the coffee table.
“Well?” Asked Cobra.
“No deal, says he's got some work on. He's writing a musical.” Eye sat down.
“Musical, eh?” Said BW, “Which one?”
“I believe he's trying 1984,” said Eye
“You're joking,” said BW, “He's never going to top Rick Wakeman and Tim Rice is he?”
“Let's not tell him eh, poor love.” They both chuckled.
“Can we get back to the plan?” asked Cobra, and five pairs of eyes moved to the numerous sketches scattered across the table between old coffee cups and spent pens,
“Now, the Star Wars Christmas Special starts in two hours and we know that the whole cantina's planning on turning up to watch it,” Cobra looked at BW who nodded,
“You should see Ali, she's gone through two kettles and six packets of teabags already.”
“Surely she's going to do her kidneys no good drinking all that,” said Eye, they looked back to Cobra who pointed to one of the maps and continued,
“As that starts Arthur and Robin here, will lead the re-enactors from Round Table along the main corridors here and here, down to romance.”
Arthur interrupted,
“Once there, we will seduce the romance people with our charms and secure the main entrance door, the area around the bar and the back exit to the store room.”
He stabbed at the places on a map of the romance forum with a letter opener that looked suspiciously sharp. Robin chimed in, virtually saluting in his seat,
“We hold until relieved, my Lord.”
“Does he have to keep calling you that?” BW muttered under his breath.
Arthur rolled his eyes and then feigned a grin,
“Yes, Robin, we hold until relieved,” Robin sighed with pleasure and bowed in his seat.
Eye leant forward and brought a new piece of paper to the top of the pile,
“While you're doing that,” he said, “we sneak out of the cantina and take the back stairs down to romance which we know from reading the forum will be deserted at that time. We sneak in to romance disguised as, er, what are we going disguised as again Cobra?”
“Marines,” answered Cobra, patting a canvas sack beside his chair, “those romance types love uniforms.”
“Right, Marines,” said Eye, “we get in, secure the prisoners and then bring them back out the same way.”
“I hope those uniforms are clean,” said BW, “I'm not sure about that smell,” he wrinkled his nose.
“They've been in storage,” said Cobra, “a couple of minutes acclimation down the back corridor and you won't notice anything.“
Arthur continued,
“Once you're out of the room, we make our excuses and leave.”
“Everyone should be back here by the time the second film starts and no one will know we were gone,” said BW.
“Excellent plan,” said Arthur, standing up and putting his gauntlets on, “What could go wrong? See you in a couple of hours then.”
Arthur and Robin made their way out as more cantinas came in to fill up the seats arranged in front of the big screen, which currently showed a countdown clock to the first film.
“One hour thirty,” said Eye, “let's check those kit bags once more shall we?”
* *
As the music started and Eye, his back to the screen recited,
“A long time ago in a galaxy, far, far away,...”
Cobra nodded to BW and Eye and they all picked up their kit bags and walked to the front of the cantina. With the house lights down, their way was illuminated solely by flickers from the big screen. No one watched them leave.
So when they walked out into the corridor beyond and found their way blocked by two men from removals manoeuvring a giant portrait of George Orwell off the wall, no one saw them panic. With a loud crunch, the picture frame hit first, a removal man's leg and then the stone floor, wedging itself between two paving stones. Moving at glacial speed the two removal men tried to prise the picture free with some help from Eye.
Several moments later, frustration finally got the better of Cobra, who waved his hands at the picture
“Get this thing out, can't you? We have an appointment.”
“Can't help that guv. She's stuck good and solid.” One of the men gave the picture a feeble push.
“So what are you going to do?” Cobra put his hands on hips.
“Got to call for assistance from the theatre folk. They'll be here in a few minutes”
“We don't have a few minutes, my man, we need to get past now.” Cobra looked at his watch.
“Sorry, you'll have to wait.” The man shrugged his shoulders, as his partner pulled his phone out of an overall pocket and began texting.
“Anyway, why do you need this picture now? It's New Year's Eve? Surely, you have better things to do on New Year's Eve?”
“Ordinarily, yeah, but this was a rush job. Lady turned up in person, offered us double-double time and a half and a free seat at the concert. Well, Larry and me, we couldn't refuse, especially when she gave us free flowers and told us to bring the wife. Posh do like this. My wife'll love it.” The removal men both rubbed their hands together, smiling.
Eye and BW exchanged looks, Cobra finally lost his patience,
“Forget it, we need a plan B,” he said. Eye felt around in his rucksack and pulled out a piece of paper with a giant 'B' printed on the back,
“Looks like we need the back door then,” he said, turning and leading them back into the cantina.
A few moments later and they reassembled outside the cantina backdoor.
“What is that smell?” Asked Cobra, waving his hand in front of his face and grimacing.
“Canned back alley,” said Eye, kicking a can towards Cobra, “The supplier sends it regularly.”
“Why?” Asked BW.
“Something to do with us being writers, we don't generate enough mess, so they provide that to keep up appearances. Let's get going eh? We're at least 15 minutes behind schedule.”
They started off down the stairs at a gentle jog. Within ten steps they were all puffing and panting,
“You know, I'm thinking I need to get more exercise,” said Cobra.
“Yeah, or less stairs,” said BW.
They rested for a moment on a landing and then continued down.
“Oh, look,” said Cobra, “Someone's done some decorating down here. There's artwork on the walls.”
They walked past a few frames, laughing at one of Tom Cruise as Jack Reacher,
“Apt name,” said Eye.
“Hey, look at this one,” said BW.
“Isn't that...,” began Eye.
Cobra stopped and walked back to where Eye and BW were standing beside a signed framed picture of an actress he couldn't quite place.
“Yeah, from 1967,” said BW.
“Oh look, and she'd obviously just hurt her wrist in that stunt accident.”
Cobra looked from Eye to BW.
“Right, but it's before they filmed the episode with the giant alien carnivorous plants because you can't see the creeper burns on her neck.”
Cobra looked from BW to Eye. They were oblivious to him as they discussed the poster. He gradually became aware of a low buzz coming from just beside the door leading into the romance corridor. Looking around he saw a small bee hive.
“What's that doing there?” He murmured.
“What?” Asked BW, Cobra pointed, but BW had already turned back to discussing the poster again with Eye. Cobra walked over to take a look. It really was a beehive, with living bees, although some of them looked a bit wobbly. Cobra looked closer,
“How did you get here?” He asked the hive. There was no answer. He looked around the corridor, there were no clues. Eye and BW stood discussing the poster, growing ever more animated. Cobra frowned and began to think things through.
There was the sudden invitation to the library the previous week for Bos, NP, Ken, Stanley, Liosse and Ace - they still hadn't returned. Tonight, the removal men that had forced them off their original route, then there was artwork exhibition all down the stairs, and now a beehive. Cobra pivoted on his heel,
“Duck and cover people. Trap. Trap.”
He dived for the other side of the corridor, yelping with pain as his elbow hit the wall.
Then the lights went out.
A few seconds later they came back on. Standing over him was a short woman with a severe face wearing an equally severely cut suit.
“You!” Cobra spat the word out. She responded with a severe smile
“I see my reputation precedes me. Tell me, did you like my honey trap?” she licked her lips in a very slow and precise motion. Cobra shuddered.
“Those bees are ill,” said Cobra, “You need to get them proper care.”
“They're fine. I borrowed them from Horror you know, they're zombie bees. The best kind for this kind of work I find.”
She flicked a thumb over her shoulder and spoke to someone behind her,
“Horace, bring them would you?”
Cobra looked around to see BW and Eye still standing and discussing, but now covered from head to foot in netting. Cobra shook his head, he was pretty sure that they wouldn't even notice something was wrong until the picture went out of their line of vision, and even then it was a fifty-fifty chance.
“What now?” He said turning back to the severe woman in the severe suit.
“What's in the bag?” she said snatching Cobra's rucksack from his hand. Wrinkling her nose at the smell she pulled out a military jacket.
“Oo, a uniform. You know I just love uniforms. And now you get to see my show.”
Last edited:
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So the fastest way to empty the cantina is to ask for a bribe then?
I take it back.
Thank you to the generous person.
If you wanted to contribute but finances don't allow you just now - please don't feel bad, I did kind of spring this on everyone.
I hope you all enjoy it - apologies for typos - I'm sure there's plenty.
Morning all
Urgh. My shift was at 2 pm till I agreed to change it to 10am. Kinda wishing I hadn't done it now
I'm sure you'll get some good karma from this, at least.
You know what? The book fairy did come after all! I finally finished opening all my holiday cards and in the card from my publisher there's a code good for a $7 buck book.
Now I just have to figure out what to buy.
I just finished a book from your publisher last night, and it was fab.
Will be posting a review soon. Probably a short one due to the insanity that is my month, but it was a fun read. Chip chop chip on the next one!
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As the Cantina Turns - Smibbles and Amazons
The second Star Wars film was just about to begin when Ali's willpower snapped and she went to make some tea. Behind her the assembled audience once again began to chant,
“A long time ago in a galaxy, far, far away,...”
“Hey wait. That's not right,” Fen pointed at the screen, “Pause it, pause it!”
The film stopped and she read,
“In a forum not far away we have ALL of your men. Bring the new contents of your E-Z-Freeze to the Romance forum by midnight or you will never see them again.”
“Midnight, that gives us, another 4 hours 18 minutes to watch the films and then two minutes to go rescue everyone,” said Junely.
“We'll never get there in two minutes, even by teleporter,” said 10s.
“Well, I guess that's that then,” said Fen sitting down, grabbing a handful of popcorn and restarting the film.
“But we can't just leave them there,” said Abie.
“Why not?” asked Fen, between popcorn kernels.
“Erm?? I don't know,” said Abie, “Good question.”
Sian called from the other side of the room,
“I found this,” she held up a sheaf of paper, “It looks like the stupid fools went off without telling us so that we didn't have to suffer any more torture.”
10s looked horrified,
“I thought the traditional point of romance was to bring a man to his knees. They'll be crucified over there,” she looked around the assembled cantinas,
“We have to do something.”
“What though? We need a better plan than they had,” said Gina.
“Couldn't we just go down there and ask?” asked Junely.
“And hand over the E-Z-Freeze? We'll be open to all kinds of extortion after that. No way,” said Ande.
The cantinas looked at each other, now and then one of them would put a finger in the air and say “How about...” but would then shake their heads and go silent.
Hillz had waked over to where Angel had been sitting and idly picked up the copy of 1984, glancing down at the table she read the notice Angel had been telling Eye about,
“Er, did anyone know that Angel had a commission for tonight?” she asked.
“I think Ali said something about it, but I don't remember what,” said Cam.
“Turns out he was writing a musical,” said Hillz, “Maybe we could go as the audience.”
“I don't think we'd get in,” said Bettie, “Ali said something about having to get Angel to get her a ticket.”
“That popular eh?” said Gina, “Hmm, not something you'd expect from romance on New Year's Eve,” she pulled out a notepad and began to write.
Fen stood up and said “I've got it.”
“Don't give it to me,” said 10s, stepping away from her.
“No, you fool. I know how to get into romance without being spotted.”
“How?” they asked.
“We go as the orchestra,” Fen looked from face to face, a wide-eyed grin of inspiration in her eyes.
“Brilliant plan. Just two problems,” said TJ,
“One: We don't have any instruments, and Two:”
“We don't have any instruments.” Everyone else chimed in.
“Simple,” said Fen,
“we make some,” she walked off towards the dong garden.
“Oh, now you have completely lost it,” cried LadyV.
Half an hour later Fen was surrounded by various instruments and a pile of sawdust.
“I had no idea you could whittle dongs,” said Lily.
“I got the idea from a bamboo brass band,” said Fen,
“Grab an instrument people let's get playing.”
They all picked up an instrument and began playing. The sound was awful.
“How are we going to convince anyone we are an orchestra,” asked Zanz,
“We sound terrible.”
“Simple,” Raven pulled out a pile of sheet music and began passing it out,
“We play jazz. No one will know the difference.”
They all nodded and after a quick practise were satisfied with the noise. Adopting a creole jazz song as their theme, they set off.
**
When they arrived Raven spoke to the doorman.
“More of you?” the besuited man asked, “How many instruments do this orchestra have?”
“Just let us in please. We're blocking the corridor,” said Raven. The doorman let them past, and they made their way into the main forum.
“Looks a bit different,” said 10s.
“Where did that come from?” asked Sian, she pointed across at the stage where a huge picture stared at them.
“Isn't that the picture from just outside the cantina?” asked Abie.
“Yeah, it's Orwell isn't it? I hate that picture. It's always so gloomy and morbid. Why can't we get My Little Pony or Spongebob Squarepants?” asked Kricket.
“Hey, don't diss the Orwell,” said Fen.
“Over there,” said Hillz, pointing to the side of the stage. A group of chairs was placed around a rostrum. They made their way in ones and twos, trying not to get in the way or attract attention. Smiling and greeting people, they passed through unnoticed and disregarded by the audience. The buzz of conversation grew louder as they approached the chairs and then Sian said,
“Look, stage left. It's Angel.”
They smiled and waved. Angel gave them a grimace in return and disappeared from view.
“Looks nervous,” said Lily, “I know I am.”
“We'll be fine,” said Gina, “Everyone remain calm.”
“Excuse me,” a gentleman in a tuxedo and holding a flute addressed Gina, “Is this seat taken?”
“Er, yes,” said Gina,
”We're the orchestra.” Gina indicated the cantinas behind her with a sweep of her arm.
“I'm sorry madam. I'm afraid you're wrong there. You see WE are the orchestra.” The man pointed to an assembled group of musicians standing behind him. The cantinas drew closer to Gina and loomed at the man in the Tux.
“I think there's been a misunderstanding. I'm very sorry but you see I really must insist that we are the orchestra,” said Gina. The cantinas were all wearing their best glare. The man began to sweat.
“Don't I know you?” 10s asked the man standing on the edge of the group of musicians.
“I, er, I really couldn't say ma'am,” he replied.
“I do know you. You were at that sub-titling seminar I went to three weeks ago. Nigel isn't it? You said you were from Scripts, Stage and Screen,” 10s squared up to Nigel who was forced to take a step back.
“Well, possibly,” he said.
“We were talking about the E-Z-Freeze, I seem to remember. What are you doing here?” 10s fixed Nigel with a mega-glare and he dropped his saxophone and wiped the sweat from his hands down his suit.
“It was Tony's idea,” Nigel pointed at the Tuxedo-ed man. The cantinas retrained their glares.
“I heard what Nigel said and I realised that the contents of your E-Z-Freeze don't belong to you,” Tony said.
“They do, we bought them,” said Bettie.
“Actually, we didn't buy them,” said Kricket. Bettie looked puzzled and whispered,
“We didn't?”
“No. We captured them and held them in our E-Z-Freeze for our own pleasure and debauchery,” Kricket whispered back.
“Oh. Oops,” whispered Bettie.
“Those people belong to us all. They are stage and screen stars. We are here to liberate them,” Tony declared.
“That's what we came to do,” said Hillz,“You won't get away with this.”
Just then Angel ran back onto the side of the stage and began to frantically wave at the assembled group in the orchestra pit. Cantinas and Stage and Screen folk alike ignored him. Angel had watched the discussion with growing dread. It was only a matter of time. He never was sure who threw the first punch, but he winced and groaned as first one then another fell. Fen was wrapped into a tuba and downed early on. 10s fought valiantly until someone stuffed a penny whistle up her nose. The entire string section was knocked down like skittles by a well aimed baton.
Thirty seconds after the first punch was thrown, the entire musical section was flat.
Angel sobbed into his programme as a severe looking woman in a severely cut suit approached him.
“It looks like we have more extras for your scenery Mr Angel,” she said.
“Thank you Ms Boon,” he replied, a look of despair creeping across his face.
The second Star Wars film was just about to begin when Ali's willpower snapped and she went to make some tea. Behind her the assembled audience once again began to chant,
“A long time ago in a galaxy, far, far away,...”
“Hey wait. That's not right,” Fen pointed at the screen, “Pause it, pause it!”
The film stopped and she read,
“In a forum not far away we have ALL of your men. Bring the new contents of your E-Z-Freeze to the Romance forum by midnight or you will never see them again.”
“Midnight, that gives us, another 4 hours 18 minutes to watch the films and then two minutes to go rescue everyone,” said Junely.
“We'll never get there in two minutes, even by teleporter,” said 10s.
“Well, I guess that's that then,” said Fen sitting down, grabbing a handful of popcorn and restarting the film.
“But we can't just leave them there,” said Abie.
“Why not?” asked Fen, between popcorn kernels.
“Erm?? I don't know,” said Abie, “Good question.”
Sian called from the other side of the room,
“I found this,” she held up a sheaf of paper, “It looks like the stupid fools went off without telling us so that we didn't have to suffer any more torture.”
10s looked horrified,
“I thought the traditional point of romance was to bring a man to his knees. They'll be crucified over there,” she looked around the assembled cantinas,
“We have to do something.”
“What though? We need a better plan than they had,” said Gina.
“Couldn't we just go down there and ask?” asked Junely.
“And hand over the E-Z-Freeze? We'll be open to all kinds of extortion after that. No way,” said Ande.
The cantinas looked at each other, now and then one of them would put a finger in the air and say “How about...” but would then shake their heads and go silent.
Hillz had waked over to where Angel had been sitting and idly picked up the copy of 1984, glancing down at the table she read the notice Angel had been telling Eye about,
“Er, did anyone know that Angel had a commission for tonight?” she asked.
“I think Ali said something about it, but I don't remember what,” said Cam.
“Turns out he was writing a musical,” said Hillz, “Maybe we could go as the audience.”
“I don't think we'd get in,” said Bettie, “Ali said something about having to get Angel to get her a ticket.”
“That popular eh?” said Gina, “Hmm, not something you'd expect from romance on New Year's Eve,” she pulled out a notepad and began to write.
Fen stood up and said “I've got it.”
“Don't give it to me,” said 10s, stepping away from her.
“No, you fool. I know how to get into romance without being spotted.”
“How?” they asked.
“We go as the orchestra,” Fen looked from face to face, a wide-eyed grin of inspiration in her eyes.
“Brilliant plan. Just two problems,” said TJ,
“One: We don't have any instruments, and Two:”
“We don't have any instruments.” Everyone else chimed in.
“Simple,” said Fen,
“we make some,” she walked off towards the dong garden.
“Oh, now you have completely lost it,” cried LadyV.
Half an hour later Fen was surrounded by various instruments and a pile of sawdust.
“I had no idea you could whittle dongs,” said Lily.
“I got the idea from a bamboo brass band,” said Fen,
“Grab an instrument people let's get playing.”
They all picked up an instrument and began playing. The sound was awful.
“How are we going to convince anyone we are an orchestra,” asked Zanz,
“We sound terrible.”
“Simple,” Raven pulled out a pile of sheet music and began passing it out,
“We play jazz. No one will know the difference.”
They all nodded and after a quick practise were satisfied with the noise. Adopting a creole jazz song as their theme, they set off.
**
When they arrived Raven spoke to the doorman.
“More of you?” the besuited man asked, “How many instruments do this orchestra have?”
“Just let us in please. We're blocking the corridor,” said Raven. The doorman let them past, and they made their way into the main forum.
“Looks a bit different,” said 10s.
“Where did that come from?” asked Sian, she pointed across at the stage where a huge picture stared at them.
“Isn't that the picture from just outside the cantina?” asked Abie.
“Yeah, it's Orwell isn't it? I hate that picture. It's always so gloomy and morbid. Why can't we get My Little Pony or Spongebob Squarepants?” asked Kricket.
“Hey, don't diss the Orwell,” said Fen.
“Over there,” said Hillz, pointing to the side of the stage. A group of chairs was placed around a rostrum. They made their way in ones and twos, trying not to get in the way or attract attention. Smiling and greeting people, they passed through unnoticed and disregarded by the audience. The buzz of conversation grew louder as they approached the chairs and then Sian said,
“Look, stage left. It's Angel.”
They smiled and waved. Angel gave them a grimace in return and disappeared from view.
“Looks nervous,” said Lily, “I know I am.”
“We'll be fine,” said Gina, “Everyone remain calm.”
“Excuse me,” a gentleman in a tuxedo and holding a flute addressed Gina, “Is this seat taken?”
“Er, yes,” said Gina,
”We're the orchestra.” Gina indicated the cantinas behind her with a sweep of her arm.
“I'm sorry madam. I'm afraid you're wrong there. You see WE are the orchestra.” The man pointed to an assembled group of musicians standing behind him. The cantinas drew closer to Gina and loomed at the man in the Tux.
“I think there's been a misunderstanding. I'm very sorry but you see I really must insist that we are the orchestra,” said Gina. The cantinas were all wearing their best glare. The man began to sweat.
“Don't I know you?” 10s asked the man standing on the edge of the group of musicians.
“I, er, I really couldn't say ma'am,” he replied.
“I do know you. You were at that sub-titling seminar I went to three weeks ago. Nigel isn't it? You said you were from Scripts, Stage and Screen,” 10s squared up to Nigel who was forced to take a step back.
“Well, possibly,” he said.
“We were talking about the E-Z-Freeze, I seem to remember. What are you doing here?” 10s fixed Nigel with a mega-glare and he dropped his saxophone and wiped the sweat from his hands down his suit.
“It was Tony's idea,” Nigel pointed at the Tuxedo-ed man. The cantinas retrained their glares.
“I heard what Nigel said and I realised that the contents of your E-Z-Freeze don't belong to you,” Tony said.
“They do, we bought them,” said Bettie.
“Actually, we didn't buy them,” said Kricket. Bettie looked puzzled and whispered,
“We didn't?”
“No. We captured them and held them in our E-Z-Freeze for our own pleasure and debauchery,” Kricket whispered back.
“Oh. Oops,” whispered Bettie.
“Those people belong to us all. They are stage and screen stars. We are here to liberate them,” Tony declared.
“That's what we came to do,” said Hillz,“You won't get away with this.”
Just then Angel ran back onto the side of the stage and began to frantically wave at the assembled group in the orchestra pit. Cantinas and Stage and Screen folk alike ignored him. Angel had watched the discussion with growing dread. It was only a matter of time. He never was sure who threw the first punch, but he winced and groaned as first one then another fell. Fen was wrapped into a tuba and downed early on. 10s fought valiantly until someone stuffed a penny whistle up her nose. The entire string section was knocked down like skittles by a well aimed baton.
Thirty seconds after the first punch was thrown, the entire musical section was flat.
Angel sobbed into his programme as a severe looking woman in a severely cut suit approached him.
“It looks like we have more extras for your scenery Mr Angel,” she said.
“Thank you Ms Boon,” he replied, a look of despair creeping across his face.
162 minutes to go, so just to wish everyone a Happy New Year in past, present and future timezones!
See you on the other side.
See you on the other side.
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I have way more than that, Gary, but please enjoy the New Year - get it worn in good for us before it hits the West Coast. Nothing worse than a stiff New Year with no give.
I have French Toast for later. I really enjoy it with lots of butter.
I have French Toast for later.
I really enjoy it with lots of butter.
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