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The Eldritch Tomb of Unknowable Caffeine
- Thread starter zanzjan
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As the Cantina Turns - The Wild, the Innocent and the E Street Smibble
You've been here before.
Bang!
- What hup cantina?
Ali looked up from typing. - You know, we should probably remove that sound effect Cobra.
Cobra turned to look at the door. - Yeah, it doesn't really work with sliding doors does it. Any coffee going?
There was a whirr of wheels and a smibble-bot detached itself from the bar and trundled over to Cobra. From its left side it took off and reassembled several parts into a table. From its front it then produced a white table cloth which it spread across the table before proceeding to move slowly around adjusting the cloth here and there. It then produced a spirit level which it held up to the edge. Apparently satisfied the smibble-bot spun around and opening a door on what had been its back, began to pull out a Royal Doulton coffee service. Six saucers, six cups, cream jug, sugar bowl and six silver spoons accompanied a steaming hot pot of coffee. Finally the smibble-bot laid a freshly pressed napkin on the table and backed away with a bow.
- Hey Hoplite, nice job with the coffee service, said Cobra.
- Thanks, said Hoplite, - Anything had to be better than Bar-droid 2.0 after that incident with the Pimms and Sunny Delight. Only watch you don't ask for decaf. I had to use a second hand circuit board and it's got a bit of an attitude problem.
- What happens if I do? Asked Cobra.
- Don't throk the grass, replied Hoplite returning to the maintenance bench.
Cobra sat down in his favourite chair and surveyed the room as he drank his coffee. All around the cantina smibble-bots were serving drinks, filing books on library shelves, giving massages, taking dictation, playing video games, reciting poetry, making drinks, playing chess, rearranging and tidying piles of smibbles and two were helping Hoplite in the maintenance bay where another smibble-bot was being assembled.
Gina called over - Didn't you have a deadline Hoplite. You said something about edits.
- That's OK I'm on it. Hoplite grabbed the welding torch and the two smibble-bots doned masks to protect their eyes. - I have edit-bot working on it. Hoplite pointed to a smibble-bot over by a library shelf that was slowly working its way through a sheaf of paper with a pen on the end of one arm and two other arms holding books.
- I gave it my story, a dictionary, a grammar book and programmed in the publishers comments. It should be finished by tonight, so I can submit it by tomorrows deadline. Easy.
- Cool. Can I use it next? Asked Zanzjan.
- No problem, said Hoplite, - it can work overnight, just leave it instructions with what you want. I need to get back to this one though. Hoplite pointed to the bench.
- What are you making this time? Asked Ali.
- You'll see. This is going to be the best one yet.
Hoplite disappeared behind his own welding mask and sparks began to fly.
- Hmm, reminds me, we haven't had a barbeque for a while, said Ali.
The noise of welding and building continued for some hours as the cantinites organised and ate their way through a mound of food and drink. Just as the last dishes were cleared away there came a cry of 'Eureka' from Hoplite. Several cantinites turned and stood as Hoplite dragged the new smibble-bot forward.
- Look it's got go-faster stripes, said Tiana. Hoplite frowned.
- Actually they are a fundamental part of this particular model.
- Really? Asked Tiana, - what do they do? Hoplite ignored her.
- This smibble-bot is my most advanced yet. Hoplite gave it a book from the shelf. The smibble-bot took the book in a couple of arms and began to scan through the pages.
- You've created a reading bot, said Ali, - surely we still want to do that ourselves?
- That's not all, said Hoplite handing the smibble-bot a pen and a piece of paper. The smibble-bot started writing. Hoplite then gave it a second book, and then a third. The smibble-bot scanned each one, its writing speed slowly inching up as it scanned in more and more information.
- It was dark and stormy night, said Gina reading over the top of the smibble-bot.
- It's a writing bot, said Hoplite, looking highly satisfied. - You simply give it the research you have, tell it the parameters of your story here on the key-pad. For example, romance, some detective elements, heavy on the dragons, no trainspotting. Give it a word count limit and just walk away. Simple. It writes your story within 24 hours.
- Great, said Cobra, just what I need to get going on my next zombie fighting wizard book.
- It needs help with description though, said Hoplite, - It's not very good at scene setting.
- No problem, said Cobra, - we have some description books here somewhere. Cobra dug through a pile of books on the desk next to him. Suddenly he stopped and held up a book, looking puzzled he said - Who's is this C S Lewis, I'm sure its not on my reading list.
- Mine, sorry, said Ali, -my books got scattered all over the place when the tidying-bot got a bit manic yesterday. I still haven't found The Invisible Man.
- No problem, said Cobra, - let me just get this research organised for the story-bot. Books were piled up all around the new smibble-bot and a pile of paper placed on top.
- Looks like it's got enough to go on, said Hoplite, - let's see what it comes up with.
The next morning the cantinities woke bright and early in their hammocks. As they made their way into the main room something had clearly changed.
- Coffee, said Gina, - I need coffee. There's no way I am having a crisis without it.
- Did we have this many doors before? Asked Zanzjan.
- No way, said Tiana, Doors are boring. There is no way you would have got me in here with this many doors.
- So which one's gone wrong this time? Ali looked at Hoplite.
- Why are you looking at me? Asked Hoplite.
- Because the scenery did not arbitrarily change overnight before you started making smibble-bots, said Ali.
- No, agreed Cobra, - except for the time we got flooded out by the comedy forum.
- True, said Ali.
- And there was the time Angel set up all his 1984 musical scenery to dry, said Gina.
- Yes, there was that. Ali nodded.
- And there was the fumigation screens from when Thom contracted poly ticks, added Cobra - and do you remember…
- All right! Ali said - so we do get the occasional random change of scenery, but none of us is capable of this amount of carpentry in one night. Anyway, there's the writer smibble-bot with a hammer and chisel and hey, isn't that a power drill attachment.
- Yeah, said Hoplite, - and it looks like it's got a screwdriver as well.
- I'm beginning to think I could do with a drink, said Cobra.
- Why are we surrounded by doors though? What's it been doing?
Cantinites spread themselves across the room, some of them tried doors as Cobra made his way towards the pile of research books he had left with the smibble-bot the previous night.
A while later the others came over to where Cobra was stacking the books.
- What did you find? He asked.
- Wardrobes, replied Ali, - They're all wardrobes.
- Really?
- Yes, but they're all slightly different, said Gina.- Some have latch handles, and some are pull handles.
- Some have mirrors and some don't, said Tiana.
- We even found one with snow at the back, said Hoplite.
- Dunno what that was all about, said Ali.
- I think I do, said Cobra, he held up two books. - This one is 'Improving your Powers of Description' and this one is 'The Lion, the Witch and the Wardrobe'.
- So it was trying to improve it's description algorithm, said Hoplite.
- Yes, I see, said Zanzjan, - That's why they're all slightly different.
- Very nice, said Tiana, - but what are we supposed to do with, she turned slowly counting as she went, - forty two wardrobes.
- Couldn't we get it to dismantle them, after all they were all built by the smibble-bot, said Cobra.
- All except one, said Hoplite, - it didn't build the one in the far corner. Hoplite pointed to a pine wardrobe with a mirror on the front.
- Who's was the other wardrobe?
- That? Said Hoplite -Oh, it's Cliff's. There's nothing in it though. Only hangers.
You've been here before.
Bang!
- What hup cantina?
Ali looked up from typing. - You know, we should probably remove that sound effect Cobra.
Cobra turned to look at the door. - Yeah, it doesn't really work with sliding doors does it. Any coffee going?
There was a whirr of wheels and a smibble-bot detached itself from the bar and trundled over to Cobra. From its left side it took off and reassembled several parts into a table. From its front it then produced a white table cloth which it spread across the table before proceeding to move slowly around adjusting the cloth here and there. It then produced a spirit level which it held up to the edge. Apparently satisfied the smibble-bot spun around and opening a door on what had been its back, began to pull out a Royal Doulton coffee service. Six saucers, six cups, cream jug, sugar bowl and six silver spoons accompanied a steaming hot pot of coffee. Finally the smibble-bot laid a freshly pressed napkin on the table and backed away with a bow.
- Hey Hoplite, nice job with the coffee service, said Cobra.
- Thanks, said Hoplite, - Anything had to be better than Bar-droid 2.0 after that incident with the Pimms and Sunny Delight. Only watch you don't ask for decaf. I had to use a second hand circuit board and it's got a bit of an attitude problem.
- What happens if I do? Asked Cobra.
- Don't throk the grass, replied Hoplite returning to the maintenance bench.
Cobra sat down in his favourite chair and surveyed the room as he drank his coffee. All around the cantina smibble-bots were serving drinks, filing books on library shelves, giving massages, taking dictation, playing video games, reciting poetry, making drinks, playing chess, rearranging and tidying piles of smibbles and two were helping Hoplite in the maintenance bay where another smibble-bot was being assembled.
Gina called over - Didn't you have a deadline Hoplite. You said something about edits.
- That's OK I'm on it. Hoplite grabbed the welding torch and the two smibble-bots doned masks to protect their eyes. - I have edit-bot working on it. Hoplite pointed to a smibble-bot over by a library shelf that was slowly working its way through a sheaf of paper with a pen on the end of one arm and two other arms holding books.
- I gave it my story, a dictionary, a grammar book and programmed in the publishers comments. It should be finished by tonight, so I can submit it by tomorrows deadline. Easy.
- Cool. Can I use it next? Asked Zanzjan.
- No problem, said Hoplite, - it can work overnight, just leave it instructions with what you want. I need to get back to this one though. Hoplite pointed to the bench.
- What are you making this time? Asked Ali.
- You'll see. This is going to be the best one yet.
Hoplite disappeared behind his own welding mask and sparks began to fly.
- Hmm, reminds me, we haven't had a barbeque for a while, said Ali.
The noise of welding and building continued for some hours as the cantinites organised and ate their way through a mound of food and drink. Just as the last dishes were cleared away there came a cry of 'Eureka' from Hoplite. Several cantinites turned and stood as Hoplite dragged the new smibble-bot forward.
- Look it's got go-faster stripes, said Tiana. Hoplite frowned.
- Actually they are a fundamental part of this particular model.
- Really? Asked Tiana, - what do they do? Hoplite ignored her.
- This smibble-bot is my most advanced yet. Hoplite gave it a book from the shelf. The smibble-bot took the book in a couple of arms and began to scan through the pages.
- You've created a reading bot, said Ali, - surely we still want to do that ourselves?
- That's not all, said Hoplite handing the smibble-bot a pen and a piece of paper. The smibble-bot started writing. Hoplite then gave it a second book, and then a third. The smibble-bot scanned each one, its writing speed slowly inching up as it scanned in more and more information.
- It was dark and stormy night, said Gina reading over the top of the smibble-bot.
- It's a writing bot, said Hoplite, looking highly satisfied. - You simply give it the research you have, tell it the parameters of your story here on the key-pad. For example, romance, some detective elements, heavy on the dragons, no trainspotting. Give it a word count limit and just walk away. Simple. It writes your story within 24 hours.
- Great, said Cobra, just what I need to get going on my next zombie fighting wizard book.
- It needs help with description though, said Hoplite, - It's not very good at scene setting.
- No problem, said Cobra, - we have some description books here somewhere. Cobra dug through a pile of books on the desk next to him. Suddenly he stopped and held up a book, looking puzzled he said - Who's is this C S Lewis, I'm sure its not on my reading list.
- Mine, sorry, said Ali, -my books got scattered all over the place when the tidying-bot got a bit manic yesterday. I still haven't found The Invisible Man.
- No problem, said Cobra, - let me just get this research organised for the story-bot. Books were piled up all around the new smibble-bot and a pile of paper placed on top.
- Looks like it's got enough to go on, said Hoplite, - let's see what it comes up with.
The next morning the cantinities woke bright and early in their hammocks. As they made their way into the main room something had clearly changed.
- Coffee, said Gina, - I need coffee. There's no way I am having a crisis without it.
- Did we have this many doors before? Asked Zanzjan.
- No way, said Tiana, Doors are boring. There is no way you would have got me in here with this many doors.
- So which one's gone wrong this time? Ali looked at Hoplite.
- Why are you looking at me? Asked Hoplite.
- Because the scenery did not arbitrarily change overnight before you started making smibble-bots, said Ali.
- No, agreed Cobra, - except for the time we got flooded out by the comedy forum.
- True, said Ali.
- And there was the time Angel set up all his 1984 musical scenery to dry, said Gina.
- Yes, there was that. Ali nodded.
- And there was the fumigation screens from when Thom contracted poly ticks, added Cobra - and do you remember…
- All right! Ali said - so we do get the occasional random change of scenery, but none of us is capable of this amount of carpentry in one night. Anyway, there's the writer smibble-bot with a hammer and chisel and hey, isn't that a power drill attachment.
- Yeah, said Hoplite, - and it looks like it's got a screwdriver as well.
- I'm beginning to think I could do with a drink, said Cobra.
- Why are we surrounded by doors though? What's it been doing?
Cantinites spread themselves across the room, some of them tried doors as Cobra made his way towards the pile of research books he had left with the smibble-bot the previous night.
A while later the others came over to where Cobra was stacking the books.
- What did you find? He asked.
- Wardrobes, replied Ali, - They're all wardrobes.
- Really?
- Yes, but they're all slightly different, said Gina.- Some have latch handles, and some are pull handles.
- Some have mirrors and some don't, said Tiana.
- We even found one with snow at the back, said Hoplite.
- Dunno what that was all about, said Ali.
- I think I do, said Cobra, he held up two books. - This one is 'Improving your Powers of Description' and this one is 'The Lion, the Witch and the Wardrobe'.
- So it was trying to improve it's description algorithm, said Hoplite.
- Yes, I see, said Zanzjan, - That's why they're all slightly different.
- Very nice, said Tiana, - but what are we supposed to do with, she turned slowly counting as she went, - forty two wardrobes.
- Couldn't we get it to dismantle them, after all they were all built by the smibble-bot, said Cobra.
- All except one, said Hoplite, - it didn't build the one in the far corner. Hoplite pointed to a pine wardrobe with a mirror on the front.
- Who's was the other wardrobe?
- That? Said Hoplite -Oh, it's Cliff's. There's nothing in it though. Only hangers.
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Might've just squealed. XD I don't think there's been a new AtCT since I started hanging out here. *scurries back up to read*
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What can I say? I'm a fangirl. We squeal. I've read some of the old AtCTs, but never, so to speak, seen one in the wild. I got excited. 
Best pun-ending ever
Best pun-ending ever
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I like this Hoplite character: very inventive and undoubtedly incredibly good looking.
What can I say? I'm a fangirl. We squeal. I've read some of the old AtCTs, but never, so to speak, seen one in the wild. I got excited.
Wait, there's more of these?
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I like this Hoplite character: very inventive and undoubtedly incredibly good looking.
Wait, there's more of these?
TJ's got a link in her siggy to a bunch of past ones. Here. The adventures of Cantinas Past.
Gah, sneaky TJ! Beating me to the post.
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I wrote a few, Sian has written at least one. When I'm on the big computer later I'll try and find mine.
ALSO, AtCT is open to anyone, no qualifications required. Feel free to join in anywhere.
ALSO, AtCT is open to anyone, no qualifications required. Feel free to join in anywhere.
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OMG ALI THIS IS ALL KINDS OF AWESOME.
*squeals with TAM*
I like this Tiana person and her aversion to doors
*squeals with TAM*
I like this Tiana person and her aversion to doors
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I managed to find my last index post - I think.
These include the answer to the question 'what happens if you mention a song too many times?', the time we went on holiday, the THAD discussion, the day we got renewable energy and Tifferz laid Cobra out cold with Hillz shovel (my best ever line), voting, and Sian's piece about Cobra's Quote Book.
I wonder if we ever got that back?
The second volume is about thirty gazillion episodes long, starts on Thanksgiving and limps to an end on New Years Eve.
Don't blame me. Er, well, then again, yes, blame me. Absolutely.
These include the answer to the question 'what happens if you mention a song too many times?', the time we went on holiday, the THAD discussion, the day we got renewable energy and Tifferz laid Cobra out cold with Hillz shovel (my best ever line), voting, and Sian's piece about Cobra's Quote Book.
I wonder if we ever got that back?
The second volume is about thirty gazillion episodes long, starts on Thanksgiving and limps to an end on New Years Eve.
Don't blame me. Er, well, then again, yes, blame me. Absolutely.
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Blame and worship in equal measaure?
It y'all need a giggle, this is one the greatest things I've ever seen: Apocalyptic Nursery Rhymes
It y'all need a giggle, this is one the greatest things I've ever seen: Apocalyptic Nursery Rhymes
Evening, Cantina!
I have now, OFFICIALLY, finished my college courses! YAY!!!
Actually, I finished on Sunday, right at the stroke of midnight, but I was so sick of being on the computer all day everyday for weeks, I HAD to have a computer-free day or two just to reacquaint myself with the real world.
It's an interesting feeling, being finished with school. It's nice because I can do whatever I want and go wherever I want without having to plan my schedule around what assignments are due. But at the same time, I'm not quite sure what to do with myself now. I mean, other than the annual Christmas break, I haven't even gotten summer off for the past couple years. I'm going to have to take some time to figure out my new routine! I think, for the time being, it's going to go something like: surf the net, read, WRITE, knit/crochet, walk the dog, and repeat. And then, when The Hobbit: The Battle of the Five Armies comes out on Blu-ray, I'm doing a Hobbit/LOTR movie marathon because I can!
Anyway, tomorrow will be time for backreading the Cantina posts and gratuitously repping anyone and everyone! Mwahaha!
P.S. Great Cantina fanfic, aliwood! *squeals*http://www.absolutewrite.com//www.pinterest.com/pin/create/extension/
I have now, OFFICIALLY, finished my college courses! YAY!!!
Actually, I finished on Sunday, right at the stroke of midnight, but I was so sick of being on the computer all day everyday for weeks, I HAD to have a computer-free day or two just to reacquaint myself with the real world.
It's an interesting feeling, being finished with school. It's nice because I can do whatever I want and go wherever I want without having to plan my schedule around what assignments are due. But at the same time, I'm not quite sure what to do with myself now. I mean, other than the annual Christmas break, I haven't even gotten summer off for the past couple years. I'm going to have to take some time to figure out my new routine! I think, for the time being, it's going to go something like: surf the net, read, WRITE, knit/crochet, walk the dog, and repeat. And then, when The Hobbit: The Battle of the Five Armies comes out on Blu-ray, I'm doing a Hobbit/LOTR movie marathon because I can!
Anyway, tomorrow will be time for backreading the Cantina posts and gratuitously repping anyone and everyone! Mwahaha!
P.S. Great Cantina fanfic, aliwood! *squeals*http://www.absolutewrite.com//www.pinterest.com/pin/create/extension/
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Congrats on finishing your studies! And I hear you on no longer having to work around assignment schedules! Such a freeing feeling.
Haha, I love those!
Congrats EFB!I have now, OFFICIALLY, finished my college courses! YAY!!!
...
And then, when The Hobbit: The Battle of the Five Armies comes out on Blu-ray, I'm doing a Hobbit/LOTR movie marathon because I can!
I've always wanted to do a LOTR marathon, sounds like fun!
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I'm planning on re-watching LOTR once I've finished re-reading the books.
You'll probably find yourself going 'What happened to...' a lot.
Well done E F B. Enjoy yourself.
Wednesday means Spring cleaning day. Yeah. Also, himself has a cold. This means I'm going to get it, doesn't it? Anything I should stock up on? Chocolate? Fruit? Gummy bears?
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