I just did something maybe a little crazy. My oldest son turns 18 soon and starts college next fall, so I've been thinking a lot about myself at that age. It was...a crazy mixed-up time. I was supposed to be the super student, full scholarship to UCI, and I walked away from it all. Ended up working minimum wage jobs to put myself through school. Then got accepted into a PhD program in Albuquerque--and walked away from that, too.
So, I was feeling nostalgic and googled a couple of people who really mattered to me during those first 2 years. They're both now professors, one at U of Memphis and one at Stanford. I'd love to chat with them--it's been 30 years, and I still feel like they helped steer me in the right direction, however painful it was--so I sent them both emails. But... I do wonder if they'll judge me, a lowly kindergarten teacher. You guys know how much I love my job, it's not that I feel insecure. It's more that I wonder if there's anything we'll have in common any more, and I'll just be disappointed.
Plus one of them is male, and the last time I saw him, he wanted to kiss me, but I was living with someone so I said No. But the guy I was living with was wrong for me in every way, and I should have kissed this guy and walked away from the other. So... there's a little more history there than just Old Times, and this could potentially be very embarrassing.
But I hit Send anyway, so Too Late. What's done is done.
It does feel strange to look at my stable, sober, mature, responsible son. It makes me realize just how lost and crazy I was at the same age. And how much I've grown up. And for some reason, it makes me want to get in touch with people who knew me when I was crazy. Isn't that odd?