The Worst First ...

pyrosama · 08-04-2011, 09:59 PM

See if you can come up with the worst first sentence imaginable in a novel. I once participated in this sort of thing at a writing conference and it was a lot of fun. I will see if there is participation before I post.

Nymtoc · 08-04-2011, 10:11 PM

I hardly know where to start. Here's one, maybe not lame enough, but it might help get the ball rolling:

There are so many things I remember about my childhood back in Dinklesville, some good and some quite painful to recall, which I hope to describe in an interesting way in this book.

archerjoe · 08-04-2011, 10:36 PM

Here's a rejected entry for the Bulwer-Lytton contest:

Hounded by paparazzi, Tiger perched on the final dog leg, fished out his five-iron, ducked his head and watched the ball catapult over the sand trap, snake onto the green and make a beeline to the pin for a birdie, sealing the win.

Nymtoc · 08-05-2011, 01:03 AM

Holding the .22 Sig Sauer automatic to Phil's head, just where Phil's reddish hair crept over his left ear, Bubba, who stood six feet tall and weighed 220 pounds and had graduated in the same class as Phil at Franklin High five years ago, said, "Before I kill you, I'm going to tell you how I robbed the bank and shot the manager and killed two tellers and fooled the cops and where I buried the money, but it's a long story."

pyrosama · 08-05-2011, 01:03 AM

Okay, here's one that I submitted for a contest, it didn't win...but,dang! I thought it had a good chance because who does this?

I sat there in the Starbucks waiting for my boyfriend to show up and OMG, he was late, lol.

fireluxlou · 08-05-2011, 01:06 AM

The sun shone and the weather was warm.

I suppose I've read to many stories starting with the weather and it annoys me somewhat.

Komnena · 08-07-2011, 04:53 PM

It was a dark and stormy night, yet there was the hint of sunlight to come over the rails where the villain was tying the heroine, Precious Pearl, to the go kart tracks where the golfers would soon be driving at high speed toward the glistening golf course.

Undercover · 08-07-2011, 04:55 PM

Once upon a time...

pyrosama · 08-07-2011, 06:11 PM

Quote:

Originally Posted by Lmc71775

Once upon a time...

LOL!!

And they lived happily ever after, until...

pyrosama · 08-07-2011, 06:13 PM

He woke to the alarm clock going off in the middle of the night and smacked it shut, then went back to sleep until the next morning, when he woke up and got some coffee.

trocadero · 08-07-2011, 06:39 PM

I'm very proud of the Dishonorable Mention I won in the Bulwer-Lytton contest a few years ago. My brain's too dead to think of a really good bad first sentence right now, but here are this year's recently announced winners:

http://www.bulwer-lytton.com/2011.htm

I think this is my favorite: She held my hand as if she were having a swollen barrel of fun which was off considering that my teeth were sitting on my bathroom cabinet (eight miles away, no less) and my elbow was peeling like a soggy coconut, the fine hairs of which were standing on edge in fear, as if the coconut had been reading “Dracula.” By James Heam, Canterbury, Kent, UK.

archerjoe · 08-09-2011, 09:36 PM

Quote:

Originally Posted by trocadero

I'm very proud of the Dishonorable Mention I won in the Bulwer-Lytton contest a few years ago. My brain's too dead to think of a really good bad first sentence right now, but here are this year's recently announced winners:

http://www.bulwer-lytton.com/2011.htm

I think this is my favorite: She held my hand as if she were having a swollen barrel of fun which was off considering that my teeth were sitting on my bathroom cabinet (eight miles away, no less) and my elbow was peeling like a soggy coconut, the fine hairs of which were standing on edge in fear, as if the coconut had been reading “Dracula.” By James Heam, Canterbury, Kent, UK.

Congrats on your dishonorable mention. I've had a bad sentence featured there, as well. Is there a group for B-W contest alumni?

MidlifeMark · 08-07-2011, 06:46 PM

The heat and the humidity of the hot and humid August afternoon was oppressive as he panted and sweated in the heat and humidity.

pyrosama · 08-12-2011, 07:14 AM

"Can I buy you a drink?" he asked as his eyes danced across her cleavage and his heart turned to stone as he realized he was playing this game weak, like in the minor leagues.

parumpdragon · 08-12-2011, 08:59 AM

He said that she said, that Tommy's ex was kissing Martha Mertle's second cousin's younger brother.

Drachen Jager · 08-12-2011, 10:13 AM

Ya know, you ain't really felt pain until you've had an enlarged scrotum, and believe me, I know something about it from that time my scrotum swole up 'bout twelve times it's reg'lar size and the sawbones, he said he ain't never seen such a big'un.

Mclesh · 08-12-2011, 10:32 AM

I love every single one of these!

Here's my corny contribution:

It was a dark and stormy night, and I knew this because the hard rain fell like bullets, attacking the windshield of my beat-up Austin American coupe with a ferocity that can best be compared to a battle-hardened P-51 Mustang divebombing a Zero somewhere over the Aleutian Islands in the last days of WWII.

Mclesh · 08-13-2011, 10:37 PM

Here's another one inspired by my husband's comment to use the word "phlegm" in a worst opening sentence. (I can't remember his word for word, but I almost choked with laughter. This one isn't nearly as bad.)

Aside from the cold sore, Fabiola wasn't half bad looking.

Drachen Jager · 08-14-2011, 01:13 AM

Rain hit the window and pooled on the sill, like sweat pouring off a stripper's thighs and forming a wet spot in her g-string.

Wayne K · 08-14-2011, 01:24 AM

Winter came early that year, so we postponed Spring until Summer, and Fall fell from the calender

Mann Crux · 08-14-2011, 01:29 AM

There was a gun in my pocket, whiskey in my stomach, a hat on my head, a cigarette clamped between my teeth, a dame in the bedroom, a body on the floor, a dark tragedy in my past and a cop at the door; must be Thursday.

Mclesh · 08-14-2011, 01:51 AM

Quote:

Originally Posted by Mann Crux

There was a gun in my pocket, whiskey in my stomach, a hat on my head, a cigarette clamped between my teeth, a dame in the bedroom, a body on the floor, a dark tragedy in my past and a cop at the door; must be Thursday.

Magic.

Chris P · 08-16-2011, 12:11 AM

Quote:

Originally Posted by Mann Crux

There was a gun in my pocket, whiskey in my stomach, a hat on my head, a cigarette clamped between my teeth, a dame in the bedroom, a body on the floor, a dark tragedy in my past and a cop at the door; must be Thursday.

I actually like that. I'd read more to see what's going on.

My entry: Let me set the stage for the story I am about to tell you; there's a lot you will need to understand if this story's to make any sense.

Nymtoc · 08-16-2011, 05:45 AM

"Gosh darn it to heck," he said. "I broke my shoelace."

slindeman · 08-16-2011, 07:43 AM

This story is about how I sat down at a computer to write the story of my life, which I started with the awesome phrase, "This story is about how I sat down at a computer to write the story of my life." The next words I typed were, "which I started with the awesome phrase," which really are awesome words when written the way I wrote them.

08-04-2011, 09:59 PM	#1
pyrosama Pyrosama Join Date: Jul 2011 Location: Tallahassee Posts: 520	The Worst First ... See if you can come up with the worst first sentence imaginable in a novel. I once participated in this sort of thing at a writing conference and it was a lot of fun. I will see if there is participation before I post. __________________ Are We There Yet? Facebook and Twitter

08-04-2011, 10:11 PM	#2
Nymtoc Benefactor Member Join Date: Sep 2007 Location: in the shadow of Lincoln Center Posts: 29,047	I hardly know where to start. Here's one, maybe not lame enough, but it might help get the ball rolling: There are so many things I remember about my childhood back in Dinklesville, some good and some quite painful to recall, which I hope to describe in an interesting way in this book. __________________ There is no way of writing well and also of writing easily. -- Anthony Trollope

08-04-2011, 10:36 PM	#3
archerjoe practical experience, FTW Join Date: Feb 2009 Location: Fargo Posts: 3,255	Here's a rejected entry for the Bulwer-Lytton contest: Hounded by paparazzi, Tiger perched on the final dog leg, fished out his five-iron, ducked his head and watched the ball catapult over the sand trap, snake onto the green and make a beeline to the pin for a birdie, sealing the win. __________________ It's time to use the big hammer

08-05-2011, 01:03 AM	#4
Nymtoc Benefactor Member Join Date: Sep 2007 Location: in the shadow of Lincoln Center Posts: 29,047	Holding the .22 Sig Sauer automatic to Phil's head, just where Phil's reddish hair crept over his left ear, Bubba, who stood six feet tall and weighed 220 pounds and had graduated in the same class as Phil at Franklin High five years ago, said, "Before I kill you, I'm going to tell you how I robbed the bank and shot the manager and killed two tellers and fooled the cops and where I buried the money, but it's a long story." __________________ There is no way of writing well and also of writing easily. -- Anthony Trollope

08-05-2011, 01:03 AM	#5
pyrosama Pyrosama Join Date: Jul 2011 Location: Tallahassee Posts: 520	Okay, here's one that I submitted for a contest, it didn't win...but,dang! I thought it had a good chance because who does this? I sat there in the Starbucks waiting for my boyfriend to show up and OMG, he was late, lol. __________________ Are We There Yet? Facebook and Twitter

08-05-2011, 01:06 AM	#6
fireluxlou practical experience, FTW Join Date: Jan 2011 Posts: 2,150	The sun shone and the weather was warm. I suppose I've read to many stories starting with the weather and it annoys me somewhat.

08-07-2011, 04:53 PM	#7
Komnena In Honor of Peter Tomich,USS Utah Join Date: May 2007 Location: King Louie's town Posts: 9,589	It was a dark and stormy night, yet there was the hint of sunlight to come over the rails where the villain was tying the heroine, Precious Pearl, to the go kart tracks where the golfers would soon be driving at high speed toward the glistening golf course. __________________ Komnena messterpiece 44119 words

08-07-2011, 04:55 PM	#8
Undercover Left-Handed Black Pen User Join Date: Mar 2010 Location: In La La Land Posts: 4,224	Once upon a time... __________________ DEEP IN THE MEADOWS (YA Novel by: Leap Books, coming 2014) www.writingsbylisamcronkhite.blogspot.com

08-07-2011, 06:13 PM	#10
pyrosama Pyrosama Join Date: Jul 2011 Location: Tallahassee Posts: 520	He woke to the alarm clock going off in the middle of the night and smacked it shut, then went back to sleep until the next morning, when he woke up and got some coffee. __________________ Are We There Yet? Facebook and Twitter

08-07-2011, 06:39 PM	#11
trocadero practical experience, FTW Join Date: Oct 2008 Location: Hong Kong Posts: 642	I'm very proud of the Dishonorable Mention I won in the Bulwer-Lytton contest a few years ago. My brain's too dead to think of a really good bad first sentence right now, but here are this year's recently announced winners: http://www.bulwer-lytton.com/2011.htm I think this is my favorite: She held my hand as if she were having a swollen barrel of fun which was off considering that my teeth were sitting on my bathroom cabinet (eight miles away, no less) and my elbow was peeling like a soggy coconut, the fine hairs of which were standing on edge in fear, as if the coconut had been reading “Dracula.” By James Heam, Canterbury, Kent, UK. __________________ The blog

08-07-2011, 06:46 PM	#13
MidlifeMark A little dense, sometimes Join Date: Sep 2010 Location: Right here, in front of the keyboard Posts: 1,440	The heat and the humidity of the hot and humid August afternoon was oppressive as he panted and sweated in the heat and humidity. __________________ I'm an engineer; instructions are merely a second opinion.

08-12-2011, 07:14 AM	#14
pyrosama Pyrosama Join Date: Jul 2011 Location: Tallahassee Posts: 520	"Can I buy you a drink?" he asked as his eyes danced across her cleavage and his heart turned to stone as he realized he was playing this game weak, like in the minor leagues. __________________ Are We There Yet? Facebook and Twitter

08-12-2011, 08:59 AM	#15
parumpdragon fire breather Join Date: Mar 2011 Location: Arizona Posts: 25,868	He said that she said, that Tommy's ex was kissing Martha Mertle's second cousin's younger brother. __________________ Free to Download Now: https://www.smashwords.com/books/view/301172 Goodreads: http://www.goodreads.com/book/show/1...hadow-s-rising Twitter: https://twitter.com/NicolShadowbled Website: https://sites.google.com/site/shadowbled/

08-12-2011, 10:13 AM	#16
Drachen Jager Professor of applied misanthropy Join Date: Mar 2010 Location: Vancouver Posts: 10,332	Ya know, you ain't really felt pain until you've had an enlarged scrotum, and believe me, I know something about it from that time my scrotum swole up 'bout twelve times it's reg'lar size and the sawbones, he said he ain't never seen such a big'un. __________________ When people tell you something’s wrong or doesn’t work for them, they're almost always right. When they tell you exactly what they think is wrong and how to fix it, they're almost always wrong.—Gaiman The story must strike a nerve—in me. My heart should start pounding when I hear the first line in my head. I start trembling at the risk.—Sontag Creativity is the residue of wasted time.—Einstein

08-12-2011, 10:32 AM	#17
Mclesh It's too hot Join Date: Aug 2010 Location: Southern California Posts: 1,632	I love every single one of these! Here's my corny contribution: It was a dark and stormy night, and I knew this because the hard rain fell like bullets, attacking the windshield of my beat-up Austin American coupe with a ferocity that can best be compared to a battle-hardened P-51 Mustang divebombing a Zero somewhere over the Aleutian Islands in the last days of WWII. __________________ Normalish, YA contemporary, Musa Publishing , Amazon Finding A Man For Sylvia, contemporary romantic comedy Musa Publishing, Amazon Let Me Get This Off My Chest, nonfiction, July 2013 Facebook, Twitter Website, Blog Goodreads

08-13-2011, 10:37 PM	#18
Mclesh It's too hot Join Date: Aug 2010 Location: Southern California Posts: 1,632	Here's another one inspired by my husband's comment to use the word "phlegm" in a worst opening sentence. (I can't remember his word for word, but I almost choked with laughter. This one isn't nearly as bad.) Aside from the cold sore, Fabiola wasn't half bad looking. __________________ Normalish, YA contemporary, Musa Publishing , Amazon Finding A Man For Sylvia, contemporary romantic comedy Musa Publishing, Amazon Let Me Get This Off My Chest, nonfiction, July 2013 Facebook, Twitter Website, Blog Goodreads

08-14-2011, 01:13 AM	#19
Drachen Jager Professor of applied misanthropy Join Date: Mar 2010 Location: Vancouver Posts: 10,332	Rain hit the window and pooled on the sill, like sweat pouring off a stripper's thighs and forming a wet spot in her g-string. __________________ When people tell you something’s wrong or doesn’t work for them, they're almost always right. When they tell you exactly what they think is wrong and how to fix it, they're almost always wrong.—Gaiman The story must strike a nerve—in me. My heart should start pounding when I hear the first line in my head. I start trembling at the risk.—Sontag Creativity is the residue of wasted time.—Einstein

08-14-2011, 01:24 AM	#20
Wayne K Banned Join Date: Dec 2008 Posts: 21,681	Winter came early that year, so we postponed Spring until Summer, and Fall fell from the calender

08-14-2011, 01:29 AM	#21
Mann Crux Love it would be much better Join Date: Jun 2010 Location: Portmeirion Posts: 163	There was a gun in my pocket, whiskey in my stomach, a hat on my head, a cigarette clamped between my teeth, a dame in the bedroom, a body on the floor, a dark tragedy in my past and a cop at the door; must be Thursday. __________________ " ... customs have changed; people attach importance to being beautiful before society and to household finances. What things a person should be able to accomplish if he had no haughtiness concerning his place in society!" Song of the Day - Origa - Rise

08-16-2011, 05:45 AM	#24
Nymtoc Benefactor Member Join Date: Sep 2007 Location: in the shadow of Lincoln Center Posts: 29,047	"Gosh darn it to heck," he said. "I broke my shoelace." __________________ There is no way of writing well and also of writing easily. -- Anthony Trollope Last edited by Nymtoc; 08-16-2011 at 10:03 PM.

08-16-2011, 07:43 AM	#25
slindeman Call me Scott Join Date: Jul 2011 Location: U.S.A. Posts: 106	This story is about how I sat down at a computer to write the story of my life, which I started with the awesome phrase, "This story is about how I sat down at a computer to write the story of my life." The next words I typed were, "which I started with the awesome phrase," which really are awesome words when written the way I wrote them.

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