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Old 09-30-2011, 04:30 AM   #1
BunnyMaz
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*removed because, now I'm possibly getting my short story published, I don't want this going back to anyone IRL.

Mods, could you kindly delete this for me properly?
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Old 09-30-2011, 07:35 AM   #2
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Can I rant about my MIL here too?



Your MIL sounds like a real peach. Does your husband feel the same way you do?
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Old 09-30-2011, 07:51 AM   #3
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You could certainly tell the MIL that she's batshit, imho. Typically those types never really see it, though, do they? You'd be the best judge of whether to bother with that end of things.

Definitely tell the girl her mom is batshit. She needs to be able to ween away from caring what her mom thinks at all if her mom is so rotten. Those sorts of things tend to go on and on.

And watch for an eating disorder, seriously. The other kinds of 'escape' from completely overbearing parents are typically easier to spot earlier, I think. She's more at risk for all kinds of craziness because of her mom's behavior, sadly. (Been there; have the T-shirt ). They most important thing is her being able to put her mom in perspective as not so great a mom on that point instead of trying to fix herself to live up to impossible standards.

Tell her how proud you are! Her mom may never be normal, and she needs to learn how to handle that.
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Old 09-30-2011, 07:53 AM   #4
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Your sister-in-law is so lucky to have you. Any support, I'm sure, will do her good in absence of the parental care she needs. Keep reaching out to her.
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Old 09-30-2011, 08:20 AM   #5
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Going with the consensus here.

I love backslashbaby's comment:

Quote:
(Been there; have the T-shirt )
I experienced the same thing with my father, but I was lucky to have a mother who was supportive and truly proud of my accomplishments (same straight A student, charter member National Honor Society, etc.). She gave me a balanced perspective on meeting expectations—my own as well as those of others—and what is reasonable and what is not.

Your SIL needs someone to balance her perspective on her accomplishments and she's damned lucky to have you to provide that balance and the much needed support. If it's honest and appropriate, let her know you are in awe of what she's able to accomplish.
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Old 09-30-2011, 08:24 AM   #6
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Quote:
Originally Posted by Ari Meermans View Post
Going with the consensus here.

Your SIL needs someone to balance her perspective on her accomplishments and she's damned lucky to have you to provide that balance and the much needed support. If it's honest and appropriate, let her know you are in awe of what she's able to accomplish.

Yep - this. Sometimes people don't get the parents they deserve - but just having people to redress that and set up a different world view can undo the damage. It can make all the difference - particularly as the child grows up.

Well done, you. Give her lots of hugs.
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Old 09-30-2011, 08:49 AM   #7
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I STILL have to deal with my ex mother in law due to having kids with her son.

I detest that swamp donkey heffa. Jesus be a fence,it takes all I have not to let my hood instincts rise up and pop her one.

*deep breath*

You are being a very good sister-in-law. I hope everything works out.
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Old 09-30-2011, 10:01 AM   #8
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It's too bad you couldn't have adopted your SIL. You would probably have been a much better mother to her than your MIL ever could be. If I were in your SIL's position, I'd probably be one fucked-up kid right now having to deal with a parent who essentially prevents you from having any kind of a life and then doesn't appreciate all the hard work and energy you've spent doing what they've told you to do. And seriously, 8am-6pm, six days a week? That's essentially a sixty-hour work week. More really, since like you said, there's all the homework and other activities she's been pressured into doing. Most full-grown *adults* don't put in that many hours of work in a week. I'd want to sleep all day on Saturday or Sunday if I were that overworked, too.

I hope your SIL doesn't go off the rails once she escapes to university, because it sounds like she's a wonderful, smart girl who doesn't deserve all this crap from her mother. And having toxic parents can easily make an otherwise healthy, well-adjusted human being develop into someone who is... well, not.

By the way, how old is your SIL? According to Wikipedia, sixth form is usually from sixteen to eighteen. I'm not really familiar with how British schools usually work.
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Old 09-30-2011, 10:13 AM   #9
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It hurts to see someone you care about suffer at the hands of someone who's supposed to care for them.

I don't know what you can do about your MIL, since I'm not sure how comfortable you are with sitting down and talking to her about it. In addition, I don't know how receptive she would be, or if it would just make things worse for you SIL if your MIL sees it as interference.

Best thing I can think of to say is what others have suggested. Your SIL needs to see that what she's doing at school is making a difference in *someone's* life; tell her how amazing she is to be able to pull it off.

From my own experience, someone, maybe you, can show her how her choices will affect her life. As it is, it sounds like her mother plans her life. It sucks in more than the obvious way. If she goes away to college, she might not have the tools that will help her make decisions on her own.

*Hugs* for you and for her.
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Old 09-30-2011, 12:13 PM   #10
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*as above*
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Old 09-30-2011, 01:23 PM   #11
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I hate that bitches like this exist. I'm glad I don't know her because I would never be able to withhold my hatred of what she is doing. That MIL would be made to feel like the ultimate unworthy evil. She'd be crying for months when I was done with telling her what I thought

No excuses and no justification. You treat a kid that way you forfeit all rights to parenthood. If I was in child protection, the mother would be in gaol. Emotional and psychological abuse is just as bad as some of the other forms of child abuse we lock them up for.

Sorry if I sound harsh but a woman like her drove somebody precious to suicide. It hits a bone.
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Old 10-01-2011, 12:00 AM   #12
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SIL may seem as though she's handling it well but there may come a time when she just falls apart and acts out a lot of anger. It sounds as though she'll probably be pressured into doing everything mummy wants her to do in terms of college and her major; hell, in terms of life. As we get older we understand that the sun doesn't shine out of certain authority figures anymore, but sometimes it takes half a lifetime to figure that out.

There may come a time when you'll be forced to step in because the child's well being will be threatened by constantly having to please someone else rather than herself. The critical threshold has not yet been reached but as she gets older it might be harder to maintain balance. That's from my experience.

She sounds wonderful. I hope she always has you to help her achieve a sense of herself.
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Old 10-01-2011, 12:34 AM   #13
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Quote:
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Dear MIL.

You need. To get. The FUCK OFF your youngest daughter's back.
That's RAW. Quite clear on feelings and I love how it sounds. LOL.
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