Coping mechanisms -- Do you have one?

dancingwuli · Sep 29, 2007

I'm curious to know if other writers have unique, interesting, and effective methods for coping with rejection.

Here's mine:
I grade each rejection letter.

I have a column on my submission log spreadsheet for the grade, and I also attach a comment with a critique of the letter.

Here are my guidelines:

Impersonal form letters containing the usual stock phrases get a C.
Insulting, condescending, or snotty letters get a D.
No reply at all gets an F.

I have received one or two excellent letters, which, although they are also the same form letter they send to everybody, are carefully worded to do the least harm to a writer's ego. These get an A.

Extra credit is given if the letter is signed or initialed by an actual person.
Extra credit is also given if the agent thanks me for considering their agency.

Points off for cliches.

Points off for letters that begin with "Dear Author" or "Dear Writer." It is probably unfair of me to object to such an innocuous time-saver employed by very busy people, but as we all know, grading is always a bit subjective.

I don't know why, but this process allows me to put the rejection behind me and resume my search for just the right agent.

Bubastes · Sep 29, 2007

I doubt my method is unique, but it's effective for me:

1. Take note of any constructive criticism in rejection letter
2. Mark rejection in my submission log
3. Shred rejection letter
4. Revise manuscript if needed
5. Submit manuscript elsewhere

I try not to dwell on rejections. I don't have that much energy to spare.

Shady Lane · Sep 29, 2007

I curl up and watch TV. Yep.

KTC · Sep 29, 2007

I move on.

scarletpeaches · Sep 29, 2007

I've saved every rejection letter I've ever received. I never look at them, but I will on the day I get an agent - and it will happen.

But my immediate coping mechanism is to look back over what was rejected, spot ways to improve it and do so, and send it out again. While it's out, I carry on working on something else.

I also find cleaning therapeutic. And chocolate.

Siddow · Sep 29, 2007

I don't know how I'd feel having a big project like a novel rejected. Oh, I've written a few of them, but I'm not showing them to anyone just yet!

All of my rejections have been for short fiction or short non-fiction. The first couple stung a bit, but since then, my coping mechanism has been to send it on to the next market. Just knowing that I've sold stuff to the third, fourth, or fifth market that's seen it gives me hope every time I hit 'Send'.

MidnightMuse · Sep 29, 2007

1) Read it.

2) Check off that agent from my all-too-short list.

3) Remind myself that I do have talent.

4) Get drunk.

Arisa81 · Sep 29, 2007

I just mark it in my log book, delete the e-mail and move on to submit it elsewhere.

Voyager · Sep 29, 2007

Copious amounts of alcohol. Once that's done, I go to the agent's website and try to find a picture of them so I can make fun of the way they dress.

KTC · Sep 29, 2007

scarletpeaches said:
I've saved every rejection letter I've ever received.

Remember Chris's great billboard of rejection letters? He posted it here once...great inspiration! I wish he were around to post it again here...

David McAfee · Sep 29, 2007

I usually fire up Unreal Tournament 2004, set the bots to easy, name them after various editors, agents, publishers, and proceed to blow the poo outta them.

Childish? Absolutely.

blacbird · Sep 29, 2007

The place where I work has a beat-up old metal shed. It's in the woods, outskirts of Anchorage, Alaska, which means we have bears and moosies come by every now and then, even lynx on a couple of occasions in recent years, kind of "out there" with nobody around much. The parking area is a gravel driveway. Good-sized rocks, and I used to be a baseball pitcher back in my high school/college days.

You have no idea how good the right-sized rock sounds at 75-80 MPH off a corrugated steel building.

caw

Twizzle · Sep 30, 2007

MidnightMuse said:
1) Read it.

2) Check off that agent from my all-too-short list.

3) Remind myself that I do have talent.

4) Get drunk.

um, I 1. read it
4. get drunk

I find steps 2 and 3 slow me down from reaching #4.

Saundra Julian · Sep 30, 2007

In another life, I was a sales professional and rejection was an expected part of doing business. I don't take it personally, it's just part of the game. A game I'm determined to win! Hang tough, my friends...

scarletpeaches · Sep 30, 2007

KTC said:
Remember Chris's great billboard of rejection letters? He posted it here once...great inspiration! I wish he were around to post it again here...

I never saw that. I bet I've got more than him though!

Oh no, wait...I mean...

Azraelsbane · Sep 30, 2007

About 5 years ago I submitted a short story to a magazine. I tacked the rejection to the wall above my bed. When I went back a few months ago and looked at the story, I wasn't at all shocked it was rejected. I mean, WOW did it suck! Not the idea itself, but the grammar/sentence structure/flow... Bad news.

That's the only thing I've ever submitted, but queries for my novel are going out Friday, and to tell you the truth, I'm not how sure how I'll deal with the rejections that are bound to show up in my mailbox. I'm pretty terrified, and I think if I can't manage to toss them aside and forget them, I'll likely go mad.

WendyNYC · Sep 30, 2007

Come here and whine to you guys, what else?

jenngreenleaf · Sep 30, 2007

I collect them and, one of these days, they'll be a piece of art: The Writer's Block Project. I started this thing back in either 1999 or 2000.

MsJudy · Sep 30, 2007

The first few suck. After a while, it's like, oh, well, stick that in the file, go feed the cat. The only really, really hard part is sitting down to write again after a few in a row. Turning off that evil little voice in your head that says, "you suck, you suck, you su-u-u-u-ck!"

I find cranking up Mark Knopfler or Green Day loud enough usually drowns out that little voice. Is it warped to write middle grade fiction listening to Green Day? Am I going to damage future generations somehow?

Azraelsbane · Sep 30, 2007

I think I'll totally be able to accept rejections of my actual work, but query rejections will get to me, because I wasn't even given a chance. I accept the fact that I may suck out loud, but it would be nice if the decision was made based on the beginning of my story.

JoNightshade · Sep 30, 2007

scarletpeaches said:
I've saved every rejection letter I've ever received. I never look at them, but I will on the day I get an agent - and it will happen.

I used to do this, but I've gotten so many rejection letters in the past 10 years that at some point it became impracticable to keep them all. One day I just thought, 'Why am I doing this to myself?' Like I have something to prove to all these people who could care less about me or my writing? They're nobody.

Now what I do is take the "good" rejections (the personal notes that really mean something) and put them on my refrigerator. My husband and I don't have kids, so we do this for each other, as a little "look at me!" sort of thing. He's got a magazine review for the game he worked on last year, and I have a couple of notes from agents. Both of us are still "in school" as far as our careers are concerned, but all that means is that someday we will graduate!!!

scarletpeaches · Sep 30, 2007

I keep mine in a folder, at the bottom of a footstool/storage unit in my living room. I know they're there, and they're not taking up much room, so they can bloody well stay there and shut up until the day I see fit to take them out and burn them!

janetbellinger · Sep 30, 2007

I throw them out. The only ones I've kept are ones that included constructive criticisms. Out of sight, out of mind is my motto when it comes to rejections.

KTC · Sep 30, 2007

I found Chris's post. Click on it, guys! I think it's a great idea:

http://www.absolutewrite.com/forums/showpost.php?p=1553303&postcount=39440

Judas, I can't believe you didn't see it!

Chris...where the heck are you!

scully931 · Sep 30, 2007

Azraelsbane said:
I think I'll totally be able to accept rejections of my actual work, but query rejections will get to me, because I wasn't even given a chance. I accept the fact that I may suck out loud, but it would be nice if the decision was made based on the beginning of my story.

On the other hand, the query rejection could be for any number of reasons... they're too busy, they aren't looking for that genre, a zoned out assistant read it, etc. If they reject a partial, it's because they don't like your writing.

Okay, I'm simplifying. And playing devil's advocate. But, it's kind of true. Can anyone tell I got a rejection on a partial yesterday?

Coping mechanisms -- Do you have one?

dancingwuli

bananaed

my name is hannah

Stand in the Place Where You Live

I'm super! Thanks for asking

Midnight Reading

Ribbed for your pleasure.

Stand in the Place Where You Live

God of Squirrels

Cluck that.

A work in progress

Agony is defeat

fiddle-dee-dee

Here to network and learn.

Agony is defeat

has finally arrived

Stand in the Place Where You Live

So you're suggesting what? Bigfoot?