Your wish is granted...

I am a little confused here.

Are you referring to hypnosis, whereby all of your troubles are but a vacant dream receding in the distant past or Hypnos - that busty Greek stripper who works out at Candys just off Bourbon St in New Orleans? Poof! you are hypnotised in the bosom of that stripper in the big easy.

I wish I had a heated pool overlooking Yonkers.

busty lusty hypnos

is going to do great things for my reputation in this one horse town. you want a heated pool overlooking yonkers? don't know about yonkers but there is a yard full of honkers just across the highway from me. ganzos--kind of a rundown goose farm. well, there are some chivos--goats,a few horses, and a cow, too. best of all there is a stock tank. since the tornadoes blew through last spring there is plenty of firewood all around town. we can fix you up with a heated pool over looking your beloved honkers in nothing flat.

be a little modest in your hot tubbing, though, and throw on a pair of trunks. your stock tank/ heated pool is in plain view of highway fifty. you know how high those 18 wheelers sit. you will be getting howdy honks from all the passing truckers. more honkers! don't want to give our town a bad name--do you?--s6 PS-if you are a good citizen and keep your trunks on, jethro and elly mae might take you down to the cee-ment pond one day.

wish i had me one of them critter catchers on the vent to my new fangled electrical drying machine. it gets tiresome digging the field mice out of the lint trap.

GRANTED! ( Genie grants wish once she recovers from laughing so hard at your posts)
You now have the worlds first and only Critter Filter Trap. Ergonomic and contaminant free, this handy dandy apparatus emits a scent that attracts critters and TRAPS them under your drier, freeze dries and vacuum suction packages them for you to release in the woods or John Patton's new pool. Fear not, you do no harm to any living thing! Included in your one year subscription is a vial of Back To Life! serum, one or two drops depending on critter's original size will reincarnate the beasts to a more vigorous existence. The only problem is that politicians are attracted to the same scent and you find John McClain packaged still showing a silly grin on his face. Where do you release him? How many drops? What to do with a freeze dried vacuum packed Republican presidential candidate?

I wish every home office came with a state paid, tax free file clerk.

Granted! Your new state-paid tax free file clerk's name is Paris Hilton (she's new; just got fired from her old job and has been rehabilitated). She'll live in your house. She likes expensive meals, clothes, and lots of attention.

I wish my coffee pot would automatically brew delicious coffee for me whenever I felt like having a cuppa.

Granted, but you've developed an allergy to coffee. If you drink even the smallest amount you develop blisters in your mouth and your tongue swells to 10 times its normal size.

I wish all of my bills (utility, gas, house, etc.) were paid in advance and I never had to worry about them again.

Granted. The action of the bills being paid in advance - is a done deal. But you live in Texas where utility companies consider capital punishment entertainment and these payments don't include the weekly rate hikes approved by George W., when he was Governor. In as little as 60 days your house is reposessed, your children sent to serve in Iraq and your family sent to labor camps in Burma.

I wish charities who ask for book donations would show more appreciation than a "That's great"

Granted they lavish you with praise, only to have them make you take all the Reader's Digest books, and old encylopedia's they have.

My wish is to be able to understand my dogs.

Granted. You can now converse easily with dogs in their own language. As a result, of course, you have lost the ability to communicate with humans.

I wish I had a fairy godmother.

Granted. She follows you around relentlessly... potty...bed... when you raid the fridge for those late night snacks... you begin to wish that you could find 2 seconds to yourself without her hovering.

I wish these dang fires would stop.

I wish I could truly grant your wish, my daughter lives in SD and I am worried about her, and her husband. So this is the next best thing.
Poof your wish is granted and not only do the fire stop, but they never return again.

I wish you well and all the people... living in Southern CA

We all wish for that.

I wish for a super secret decoder ring.

Joycecwilliams said:

I wish I could truly grant your wish, my daughter lives in SD and I am worried about her, and her husband. So this is the next best thing.
Poof your wish is granted and not only do the fire stop, but they never return again.

I wish you well and all the people... living in Southern CA

Click to expand...

Seconded. My sister lives in Ramona and we're worried about her too but she isn't answering her 'phone at the moment.

Kalel has a secret decoder ring but he's lost the instruction manual.

I wish I had more time to get the housework done and that my sister would call me to let me know she is safe.

Granted. I'll lend you one of my house gnomes and cleaning is easy.

I wish my car wasn't piece of crap & I didn't have to buy a new one.

Granted. You now have Teh Car of Teh Future. It talks to you (has a nasty personality, I'm afraid), ejects the chairs randomly, showers you in champagne (literally), it's all automatic and sometimes likes to fly, millimetres away from dangerous objects. All that for an enhanced experience of new-age driving. You can't change it because despite what you may think, it works perfectly fine!

Also, you can't stalk anyone anymore because it's easily recognizable, being painted bright pink with polka dots. Enjoy

I wish my computer was faster, darnit!

Granted, your computer is very fast now because it's in the arms of a burglar and he's running out your house with it at top speed.

I wish I had a body like Beyonce (and her bank balance would be nice too!)

loster

congratz--the new season of lost begins tonight. grab a soda. pull up a chair and fire up the tube. i am the genie in charge of this wish and i will not let my personal prejudice interfere w/ your wish. you see, a couple of years ago i was hopelessly addicted to lost. this addiction caused untold befuddlement, perplexation, inertia and anguish. it also lost me the respect of my children, co-workers, students and dog. and my bowels went bad on me. intervention after intervention failed. eventually i gave up my tv. just boxed it up and parked it in the basement. it was the only way to regain my sanity and self respect.

but never mind all that. i want you to enjoy tonights show. since i am now writing the scripts i should tell you that there will be one small glitch with this new season: there will be an actual bona fide rational freaking plot. and a swear to god timeline. and the characters will do and say logical things. oh, and when someone dies they will stay effing dead. and there will be pop- ups to explain all of the mindbogglingly stupid marginals like those $%#@@$ polar bear things. and the virgin maries filled w/ foot powder/cocain and whether jack's father is really dead and who the ffff swiped lock's kidney and NO flashbacks. nope. not one. not ever. don't like the new scripting? so what? like i owe you a kidney or something? just sit your self down buster! you are not going anywhere! you are LOST. stop acting like one of the OTHERS. is that a french accent?...... where the eff did i park that tv? it must be in one of these boxes --s6

Wish six?

um...ad libbing

Poof! Your wish is granted. You find your TV and a re able to watch the show.

I wish I didn't have to go to wal mart on my lunch break.

Granted. From now on, you will go directly to China to buy your stuff. A plane will be waiting outside your workplace. Of course, since you won't be back for a day or two, you'll probably lose your job, but at least you won't have to go to Wal-Mart anymore. In fact, you won't even have a lunch break.



I wish all the agents in the world were clamoring to represent my book.

I wave my magic wand and your wish is granted.
All the agents in the world are clamoring to represent your book. In fact they clamor so much they start killing each other and till they are all dead.

I wish ice cream had zero calories.

zero calories

you don't even need to waste a wish on this one. the trick is to use only vanilla--it has less calories than any of the other flavors because vanilla is what they begin with when they make ice cream. the chocolate, pistachios, strawberries etc. are added later so of course they bring more calories. step #2: use only one scant scoop of ice cream. slide it into a blender cup. #3: add an envelope of diet drink mix, & 6 oz. of 2% milk (really whole milk tastes better but we have to draw the line somewhere, don't we?) and a scant teaspoon of sprinkles. malt powder is good too. mix in the blender until frothy. enjoy!

you see the minus calories of the diet mix work like a vacuum, sucking the calories into useful proteins like mini dust busters. this drink, of course, is no longer dietic but it is certainly not fattening. in an ideal world you could actually lose weight by drinking the diet mix with skim milk but sadly, it is not feasible because the diet mix tastes so nasty. i should know--s6


i wish that size eleven petite would be the new anorexia red flag

i wish that size eleven petite would be the new anorexia red flag

granted but now---unless you have a iq of 5, talk about the latest reality show and think demolition derby is the greatest--you are considered socially unacceptable.

i wish everyone would be happy--whether they like it or not.

dl hegel

Poof your wish is granted... however the world is now in kaos. Mental health workers no longer have employement. Talk shows are gone by the way of the dinasours.. no more debates. And mother's laugh when their children are injured, sick or die.

I wish I could interview Abraham Lincoln.

Poof! Granted.
You are assigned that interview by Atlantic Monthly.
As you leave the room you hear the editors snicker. But you go to the Lincoln memorial and meet up with Penny the psychic and the interview of a life time ( yours not his) takes place. Yet as there is no way to confirm your source the story is killed.

I wish the query process was like riding a bike.