Comedy Cabaret I: Awaiting Mac's Ax

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quickWit

quickWit

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I had something for this...
An OB/GYN sees the first of his three morning appointments and the woman has a big 'Y' visible on her chest.
"What's this?" the doctor asks.
"My boyfriend went to Yale and he likes to wear his college sweater when we have sex," she replies.
The second woman comes in and has a big 'H' on her chest. When the doctor asks about it she says "My boyfriend went to Harvard and like to wear his college sweater during sex". The third woman comes in and has a big 'M' visible on her chest. "Don't tell me...your boyfriend went to Michigan," the doctor says.
"No, but my girlfriend went to Wisconsin."
 
cray

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auntybug said:
Just planning ahead to avoid the "June" jokes...
Click to expand...

june jokes? you're not talking about this kind, are you?

it was a hot and humid june afternoon, when i decided to visit my friend, ab. ab may be blonde and beautiful, but sometimes she is, shall we say, lacking in other areas.

well ab had decided her kitchen needed repainting, and instead of hiring a professional, decided to do it herself. i thought she might appreciate a break and brought over some cold beer and some sandwiches.

when i arrived, i found ab working hard painting the kitchen walls. but instead of wearing old clothes, she was wearing her fur coat and her ski parka. i asked her why she was dressed that way on such a hot day. she brought me the paint bucket and told me to read the instructions. i did.

it said, ... "for best results, put on two coats."

no, you're prolly not talking about this kind of june joke.
 
TrainofThought

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16 Questions about yourself

1.Describe yourself briefly. Big boobs and butt. Alias – Heidi Leather Thighs

2.How do you feel about your work? How do you feel about your hobbies or special interests? I’m an unemployed pole dancer, how do you think I feel? My dungeon has been vacant for some time.

3.What is your opinion of today’s youth? I plead the 5th.

4.What changes have taken place in society since the time you were a teenager? There’s one shrink to every .5 person.

5.Do you have any special philosophy that guides your life? Don’t eat yellow snow or pet the sweaty things.

6.What are your immediate goals? What are your long-range goals? Immediate: Pleasure Long-Range: CEO of the NRA

7.What were you doing 5 years ago? Have you attained some of the goals that you set for yourself since that time? Pole Dancing. Still haven’t gotten any STDs.

8.In what ways are you a different person than you were in your early 20’s? Breasts look like tube socks and butt is constantly chapped from dragging on the ground.

9.Have you had a mentor in your adult life? Lorena Bobbitt

10.If you had your life to live over again, what would you do differently? Find a Sugar Daddy in my late teens.

11.What do you look forward to most in the future? Senior Discounts.

12.How do you feel about marriage? How do you feel about sex? Marriage = I don’t think the blood test is worth it. Sex = Let it thrive forever.

13.How do you feel about children? (Whether a parent or not.) *Shivers* Some day they’ll be adults.

14.How do you feel about grandchildren? (Whether a grandparent or not.) What’s so grand about them?

15.Do you think children should be raised in a permissive, authoritarian, or authoritative manner? (Whether a parent or not.) Since I have to choose, I’ll take authoritative for $100.

16.How do you feel about old age? It’s good for other people.
 
cray

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sugardaddy.jpg
 
auntybug

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After a relaxing bath...Monica Lewinsky was looking at herself
nude in a mirror. Her frustration over her lack of ability to lose
weight was depressing her.
In an act of desperation, she decided to call on God for help.
God... If you take away my love handles, I'll devote my life to you,'
She prayed.
And just like that... her ears fell off.
 
cray

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rt goes straight from the construction site to the doctor ‘cause he as a bit of a problem.

thunder says, "doc, i'm constipated."

the doctor examines him for a minute and then says, "lean over the table."

rt leans over the table, the doctor whacks him on the ass with a baseball bat, and then sends him into the bathroom.

he comes out a few minutes later and says, "doc, i feel great. what should i do to prevent this problem in the future?"

the doctor says, "stop wiping with cement bags."

:roll:
 
cray

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classic. :roll:


now, please please dig in the archives back to your michael jackson phase and post a pic of yourself wearing something similar to what eddie has on in that clip!
i know you have an outfit like that.
 
cray

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imagine the websites haggis had to slog through to get that photo
 
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