What Has Fantasy Taught You?

Women like metal lingerie because it's comfy and practical.

shawkins said:

Women like metal lingerie because it's comfy and practical.

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And is clearly magnetized, because every arrow and sword blow hits it instead of the vast quantities of unclothed skin.

Maybe the magnetism is good for the womens' health too?

If a village in the backwater of the kingdom has a heterogenous mix of human racial types, it must be Good; if it doesn't, it's Evil.

The big cross on the cleric's tabard obviously means he's the first-aid specialist.

Clerics can't draw blood. Really? I guess the Crusades were just one big club-fest . . .

If you have an uncle, he's a vicious bastard who should be dispatched with alacrity before he causes you problems.

Pay extremely close attention to the description of any magical item you come across. Especially if you aim to purchase it. If there is any possibility of a loophole, it will bite you in the ass.

Example: the grappling hook that is guaranteed to catch on the first throw. Too bad it never catches again *after* that.

That it's perfectly normal to have an entire planet with one religion, language, and government.

Any MC that attends a school of either magic or combat will become the star pupil, just like the antagonist did several years before.

A poultice of herbs can cure anything short of actual amputation.

Any woman who fights creatures of the night must wear black leather.

Love will lure you to the Dark Side...

Ehm, no, it is the only thing capable of conquering the Dark Lord...

Scratch that, it merely keeps you going when you're the Ring Bearer...

Or it is an instrument of the Divine, which plays with us for it's own purposes...

It is the defining quality of the One....

Ehm....

Crush your enemies, see them driven before you, bask in the lamentations of their women = profit

If somebody opposes you, jab a knife in their back because it'll hurt them more if they don't see it coming.
If that doesn't work, go for the eyes.
Everyone is too honourable to strike below the belt.

Nothing is Impossible.

Weakling goofballs will win out in the end because the ball will always bounce their way in the climax.

No matter how dire the situation, something good will happen -- often through dialogue -- that will right the ship.

Love and laughter -- weaklings through the first 900 pages -- will rise to the occasion in the final 100.

There's nothing more exciting than the ultimate crescendo of battle between good and evil.

Nothing has to happen for at least 50 pages.

Shirokirie said:

Nothing is Impossible.

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In a way, real life taught me this. Kinda.

All the things which people said were dumb, impossible and so horrendously time-consuming that it wouldn't be worth contemplating turned out fine, thanks.

Fantasy taught me to never give in to the evil empires (you can insert the company name of choice here), while SF taught me that everything has a use - you just need to find a way to use what you have.

That love is stronger than hate and can ignite stars. That all tears not be those of sorrow. Heroes don't need to be strong, or ultra-macho alphas, or fearless, just being willing to stand up to adversity. And that the happiest endings are ones someone worked for, instead of just falling into someone's lap.

Dark Lords should never have children because their sons will turn on them and their daughters will fall in love with a hero.

Dark Lords should all read 'Memo to an Evil Overlord'. Then take a test.

In a more serious vein, fantasy has taught me that only fools and bigots consider it escapist: at its heart, every genre of fantasy and science fiction can hold a brutal, beautiful mirror to reality.

Currency has no weight or volume. So go ahead, take those 1000 gold pieces that weighs 50 kilos and jingles so much you sound like a herd of goats.

Even though there are many different currencies there is no need to carry more than one. Everyone accepts everyone elses without question, and at equal rates of exchange. (Bonus)

Metal armour never makes a sound, even if it is chain mail or has never been oiled or maintained.

Any route between two cities involves a auduous, solitary, dangerous, life threatening passage, even though it is a common trading route that should be used by thousands of people a day.

If per chance, you do find a trade route used by thousands of people a day, you cannot use it in case you are seen. This is despite it being used by mercenary guards who look exactly like you.

You don't need to be good at languages. They will always understand you or a translator will miraculously appear when you need one, and he will just happen to speak both languages.

No matter where you eat, how dirty the dishes are, what you eat or how rotten it is, you will never get dysentry.

Every town and hamlet has a tavern. Every tavern has a spare room to let, edible food and plentiful alcohol, (regardless of famine, war or pestilence). Service is guaranteed despite race, religion, language, sex, clothing and that nasty rash on your arm that looks like the plague.

Every customs official is corruptible with a simple bribe. Makes them a bit pointless, really, but they do not seem to mind.

Even though you may be the most religious person in your party (that powerful, high priest mage dude), you never once have to pray, offer sacrifice or attent a church service to your God.

Every castle has a dungeon. Every dungeon has a dragon, no wait, that is a different game...

Most of all, no matter how many pages pass, it will all turn out in the end. Everyone really does live happily ever after, unless they are evil, but then, they were never happy to begin with. Really, you are only doing them a service by putting them out of their depressing, friendless and joyless lives.

I will just provide a link:

http://www.eviloverlord.com/lists/overlord.html

Thank you. I saw it in the mid-90s.

1 if a king is murdered its almost always their brother, even though everyone blames their son (which is completely logical)

2 in a group there is always two members who hate each other but are still friends

3 The hero never has both parents or if they do, they are out of the picture and never missed

4 beasts are always bigger in other worlds than in our own

5 ALL step family is evil though one step sibling is less evil than the other and sometimes feels a twinge of sympathy but doesn't act on it

6 the bad guys have cooler and more menacing looking weapons