Learn Writing with Uncle Jim, Volume 1

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James D. Macdonald

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Allen is correct.

Workman-like here is, at a minimum, Grammatical English with Standard Spelling. The sentences need to follow in order, one leading reasonably to the next. The paragraphs the same.

The reader should be able to tell whether the pages are in order or a random shuffle.

That's "workman-like."
 

euclid

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It used to be newspapers presumed their readers had an eleventh grade education and television viewers to have an eighth grade one. Neither grade is what is used to be.

Most workmen were assumed to have most of a tenth grade education. Typical sophomores were 16 and could legally drop out. Now kids can drop out in eighth. The stereotype of the construction worker is no longer viable for a baseline of prose construction.

Education levels have always varied. Hemmingway wrote mostly on a 4th and 5th grade level. His use of the common man's language would, however, be considered much better than a workman-like manner.

As a European with no knowledge of the education system in USA, could someone explain these terms, please?

Over here, in Ireland, we start in infants' class at 4, 5 or 6 years of age. We go through from first to sixth "class" in Primary school, before moving to Secondary school at about 13 years of age. In Secondary (or "post-primary") school, we progress from First to Sixth "Year". In Fourth year, we take a "Junior Certificate" examination. In Sixth Year, we complete the Leaving Certificate Examination. Some of us then go on to University or some other sort of "third level" college and "Graduate" with a primary degree (or diploma, or certificate) in some subject. A few go on to do higher level degrees (Masters or PhD).
 

James D. Macdonald

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Okay, American Education.

Many places you'll find Kindergarten. Usually a half-day, concentrating on Playing Well With Others, learning letters and numbers. For five-year-olds.

First Grade: 6 year olds.
And similarly for Grades Two through Eight (though you may see grades Six-Seven-Eight) referred to as "Middle School" or grades Seven/Eight referred to as "Junior High." These latter two are often in different buildings than the students in the earlier grades.

Those earlier grades can also be called "Elementary School" or "Grammar School."

Grades Nine/Ten/Eleven/Twelve are "High School," where the students are referred to as Freshmen, Sophomores, Juniors, and Seniors. These grades are almost always in a different physical building from Grammar School and/or Middle School. Age range for High School is 14-18.

In their junior year, students who intend to go on to college will usually take standardized tests called either the SAT (Scholastic Aptitude Test) or ACT (American College Testing).

Sometimes you'll see grades 3-5 (ages 8-10) referred to as "Middle Grades."

I hope that clears some of this up.

Remember that in America almost everything is run by local or state schoolboards, so standards ... vary.

"First God created idiots. That was for practice. Then He created schoolboards." -- Mark Twain
 
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Don

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First grade is roughly six+ years old in the US.

Highschool, grades 9-12, have alternate names.

9=Freshman
10=Sophomore
11=Junior
12=Senior

Seniors generally graduate at 6+12 = 18 years of age or nearby.
 

Stew21

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So does that mean that Hemmingway wrote for 9-10 year olds???


No. Hemingway wrote with simple language, but the subjects, and complex characters, complex emotions/motives and plots are at a higher comprehension level. The words and sentence structures are simple. What they convey is not necessarily so simple.
 

James D. Macdonald

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The mechanical "reading level" formulas (e.g. Flesch-Kincaid) have always struck me as being somewhere between silly and meaningless.

==========

Posted elsewhere at AW, reprinted here:

You can do a deus ex machina when:

1) You've foreshadowed it sufficiently,
2) There's so much else going on that no one cares,
3) The conventions of your genre require one,
4) It works, and
5) You've run out of things to say and can't figure out any other way to end your book.

=========

Moving a bit off-topic here:

Instructions for Thanksgiving Dinner by my good friend, U.S. Marine, and fellow science fiction author, Elizabeth Moon.
 
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James D. Macdonald

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Next entry in First Pages:

It was shortly after four, when Mabel, the blonde and buxom waitress on the afternoon shift in the Snack Bar across the street from the hospital, went out to sweep the parking space in front of the shop. She'd come on at three and the change from the late summer heat to the air-conditioned interior always made her arthritis painful, so she was glad of an excuse to get out in the warm September air for a few minutes before the five o'clock rush began. The shop, all glass, stainless steel, red-cushioned stools at the counter and booths against the wall, occupied one corner of the Faculty Apartments parking lot. Across the street, above the ambulance unloading ramp, blue neon lights spelled out EMERGENCY ENTRANCE.

Weston University Hospital occupied the entire opposite side of the long block across from the Snack Bar, a mass of buildings with connecting walkways, built of cinder blocks painted white and tall columns of steel-framed windows. On the lunchroom side of North Avenue one end of the block was taken up with the towering building that housed the Faculty Clinic, a privately operated medical group to which much of the medical school faculty belonged. Only about five years old, the clinic had already been enlarged several times and, during the daylight hours, a constant stream of people flowed through its marquee-covered portico at the far corner of the block.

Okay, folks: Do you turn the page?
 

Yeshanu

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A :) for euclid. I probably would, though the first page leaves a little to be desired. I'd give it one more page because the description of the buildings gives me a sense of place that I didn't get with the other one, and leads me to believe the author may be able to tell a good story.

But the missing element here is character: Mabel is described only as "blond and buxom" (can you say, 'cliche', ladies and gentlemen?), and as someone who has arthritis. So far she hasn't really done anything that would give me a sense of who she is except come to work for her afternoon shift.
 

Yeshanu

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Don

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You had me at "blond and buxom." :D

If I was getting near the end of my time in the library or bookstore and hadn't found anything yet, I'd turn the page. If I just got there, chances are it would already be back on the shelf. The long sentences make it a chore to read.
 

Nakhlasmoke

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I'm in agreement with the blonde and buxom putting me off already. My first assumption there is that this was written by a man with little knowledge of women, and that this character is going to be 2 dimensional. Nothing stood out for me, and I was already skimming by the second paragraph.
 

James D. Macdonald

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Page two:

The Faculty Apartments, owned by the university, occupied the entire end of the block, facing west on Weston Boulevard . Diagonally across the street from it, in front of the main entrance to the hospital, stood the housing facilities for married residents, interns and students, consisting of four apartment complexes with an enclosed playground. The main classroom buildings for the medical school were on the opposite corner of Weston Boulevard and North Avenue from married student housing, convenient to the hospital and all parts of the group of buildings that made up Weston University Medical School.

"Where'd you go on your day off yesterday, Mabel?" Abe Fescue, the short-order cook, lounged in the open door of the empty lunchroom, smoking a cigarette that was forbidden inside. A small transistor radio atop the counter, also forbidden when customers were inthe shop, filled the air with a rock-and-roll tune.

"On the Parkway," said Mabel. "I like to drive up there this time of the year."

Located in the foothills east of the Great Smoky Mountains, Weston was primarily a manufacturing city. It had become a major medical center when the medical school had opened some fifteen years earlier, quickly outstripping in importance and stature the small, older university of which it was a part. Rogue River curved around the city, with a dam some ten miles to the south forming a lake and a source of hydroelectric power that had made the town a natural location for a major textile operation.

"Fall's comin' early this year," Mabel added. "The leaves are already turnin' up towards the Knob."

"Won't bother me none," said Abe. "Come Thanksgiving, I'll be heading south for Miami."

"You short-order cooks are like birds, always flying north or south. I suppose you'll lose all your money at the tracks again this winter and come borrowin' from me next spring like always, so you can pay your rent the first month."

"This is going to be my best winter." Abe was a thin man of indeterminate age. His face was scarred by acne from childhood, and the inevitable tattoos, relic of Navy service, almost covered his upper arms. "Why'd you stay around here winters anyway, Mabel? You could make twice as much in tips working in South Florida and still get your old job back in the spring, when the weather turns warm again. Good ...

So ends page two. Do you turn the page?
 

euclid

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I knew I shouldn't have turned page 1. More architecture and some "more tea vicar" dialogue. There's very little meat here. (He gambles, he was in the navy, she likes the views in the autumn). "a rock and roll tune" could have been named. What is "the Knob"?
 

RJK

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So we have a good picture of the immediate vicinity, Abe is on his way out of the picture and probably the story, Mabel is a bore and nothing has happened. I should turn the page to find Ninjas maybe. I'd put this one back on the shelf based on what I've read so far.
 

Calliopenjo

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Turn the page?

:sleepy: Going from page one to page two did nothing. After slogging my way through that page, after reading needless information, it did nothing for me. I have to say Uncle Jim, I'm sorry but, I'm going to have to put the book back on the shelf.
 

MumblingSage

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Next entry in First Pages:



Okay, folks: Do you turn the page?

Let's see...
Flesch-Kincaid Reading Ease (Wikipedia): 49
Aim for 60 to 80. The higher the score, the more readable the text.
Flesch-Kincaid Grade Level (Wikipedia): 14.9
Approximation of number of years of education required* to read text.
*counts on fingers* Gee, I don't think I've had 15 years of education yet. Do you think I should?

In all honesty, I wouldn't. Mostly because it's a modern setting, which is not my cup of tea. That, and I felt like drawing a picture of Weston Boulevard and North Avenue, just so all those 'diagonally across the street froms' and 'on the opposite corners' didn't go to waste.
 

Don

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Back on the shelf for me by now, even if I had plenty of time to browse.

I have to admit the last para caught my eye, though. I have a soft spot for Florida. :)
 

Yeshanu

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So ends page two. Do you turn the page?



If you could wake me up, I'd turn the page in order to close the book. One of the big problems with page two is lack of flow. The descriptions are info dumps stuck in between lines of inane conversation that have nothing to do with the buildings. A second character is introduced who is as flat and cliched as the first.
 

smsarber

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In fourth grade I changed schools and had to take a reading evaluation test. I tested on a twelth grade level, but that didn't surprise me; I could read and write at three years old (though I wrote my "s"'s backwards). And the above excerpts; not my style. No flow, no hook.
 
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