Old People Writing for Teens (Version 2)

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Juneluv12

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Okay, I wants to play!! I'll go back and comment after I post!!

It was after twelve when I woke up in Hell. Well, actually I wasn't Hell, just the floor of the bathroom. My body was curved around the toilet. Livia had tried to get me back into bed around ten, but I refused. She hated to leave me, but I assured her it was better if she went on to her volunteer job down at the church.

It was possible that I’d actually puked up an intestine or two. With a chorus of obsenties and groans, I rolled into a sitting a position. “Fuck,” I murmured. I don’t know how Montezuma’s Revenge had happened. I’d been so careful about the water—even the fruit at dinner.

On hands and knees, I crawled back into the bedroom. It took all the strength I had left to hoist myself into the bed.

At three, a gentle knocking woke me up. “Yeah,” I croaked.

“Mia? It’s Joaquin. I wanted to check on you.”

Oh no, please no. I couldn’t let the Hispanic Hottie see me like this with puke stains on my shirt not to mention potential shit stains on my pajamas.

“Um, I’m okay, thanks,” I replied, my voice muffled as I burrowed deeper under the covers.

The door tentatively opened. “Listen, Livia told me you’d gotten sick. You really need to drink something or you’re going to dehydrate.”

I rose up in exasperation and stared at him. “Well, you know what? Eating and drinking down here is what brought on all this, so if it’s all right with you, I’d prefer never doing it again!”

A smile tugged at the corner of his lips. I’m sure he was mildly amused by my appearance. I’d forgotten to take my mascara off the night before, so I looked like a mix between a raccoon and a rooster with my crazy hair.

Obviously, I didn’t scare him off because he continued into the bedroom. He sat a bag down on the edge of the bed. “I wasn’t sure what flavor you liked best, so I brought a mixture.” After rustling inside, he held out a bottle of lime Gatorade—my favorite.

“Oh,” I murmured.

“You don’t like this kind?”

I quickly shook my head. “No, no, I do. It’s my favorite actually.”

A relieved look flashed across his face. “Oh good.”

He handed me the bottle, and I took a few cautious sips. When my stomach didn’t throw a hissy, I drank the bottle down. I smiled. “Thanks, I really appreciate that.”

“No problem.”
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Juneluv12

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Dream Believer said:
Hi Juney!!!
How's the whole agent thing going? Did you pick one or are you making them fight over you?
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Haha, yeah, the Extreme Agent Cage Fighting is over....I was hoping for some KY Jelly wresting, but alas, no!

I just got the contract yesterday, spoke with her again, she loves my revisions, and unless she thinks TG has a better chance, we'll be going on wtih DHtP sometime at the end of the week, beginning of next week.

*Proceeds to piss myself at the thought!"

How are you? Feeling okay and all?
 
Elysium

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My internet paused for a moment. Looks like I missed a lot of snippets. I'll have to go back and read them.

Here's mine:


Chapter 2

Kip was the one who opened the door.

"Where the hell have you been?" He looked like an angel who just made his descent into Hell. His eyes were bloodshot and his hair was falling around his face going every which-way.

I fixed my lips to say something, to explain but nothing came out. The words were at the tip of my tongue, lingering. Kip didn't give me a chance to talk anyways. His hand clamped around my arm, and he yanked me inside, kicking the door shut behind us.

It was dark inside, as usual. The only light came from the windows which were covered in sheets. We didn't have any money to buy curtains. Then again, we never had money for anything.

"I can explain," I whispered. It was always wise to keep your voice soft when talking to Kip. If your voice was too strong or too loud, he'd get angrier.

And I didn't want that.
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Rebecca_Rogers

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:D Shit's about to go down:

Two hours later and we’re fucked up. Like, royally. But I don’t understand why everyone says alcohol is supposed to wash away your problems; it only makes them worse, reminding you how shitty your life must be to rely on a bottle of booze to escape your troubles.
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Juneluv12

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Elysium said:
My internet paused for a moment. Looks like I missed a lot of snippets. I'll have to go back and read them.

Here's mine:
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ELY: Ooh, nice snip. I liked the other one too, especially the last line about not coming back.

HOUND: You had me totally ready for some smexiness with the naked dude on the floor....I guess I was still in Geeky's Stripperland!!!

But damn, you mos def freaked me out!!!!
 
Dream Believer

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Juneluv12 said:
Yeah, I can only imagine that morning sickness sucks ass!

Now is this your first?
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Yup...and had I been actually planning it, I would have chosen a guy that didn't weigh 10 pounds at birth! Little Butters is already a few days ahead of the curve. I told daddy that if it turns out to be a girl, I am SO sucking down the caffeine to stunt her growth! LOL!
 
houndrat

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Okay, my last potential bit for NaNo for awhile before I get back to DG revisions. June--I might be with you on writing two at a time--I haven't been able to pick one idea yet, lol. Oh, and I have no idea why these are popping up in FPP--I just flippin' noticed. Argh. I need to fix that, stat! :)

Mom pats my hand as I lay down my fork and finish chewing a bite of salad. “I’m so glad you’re reliable, Tempest. We never have to worry about you.”

Reliable. I suppress a grimace as the word rolls around in my head, mocking me. Doesn’t she know that’s the last thing I want to hear? What I really want is to leave reliable behind, wave goodbye as it fades like a road sign in my rearview mirror. I mean, who’d choose to be the boring, dependable, reliable girl, when everyone knows the girls having fun are fun, careless, and wild? The girls getting all the guys—like James. I shiver—even the mere thought of his name can do that to me.

I abruptly push away from the table and stand. This year will be different. I’m going to make sure of it.
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Kathleen42

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Juneluv12 said:
Kath,
Love the snip. Plz send me Hemlock to beta when you revise. I could read the old one for kicks and giggles I guess. Very tough scene....Loved the last line!
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You got it ;)

Loved your snip. Was, ironically, thinking about the name Joaquin last night.
 
Juneluv12

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Dream Believer said:
Yup...and had I been actually planning it, I would have chosen a guy that didn't weigh 10 pounds at birth! Little Butters is already a few days ahead of the curve. I told daddy that if it turns out to be a girl, I am SO sucking down the caffeine to stunt her growth! LOL!
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HAHA, I dated a guy in college who weighed 12lbs. It was a brief romance, but I reminded him all the time to tell his mother that he loved her after being a 12lb regular birth, lol!!!
 
Rebecca_Rogers

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houndrat said:
Okay, my last potential bit for NaNo for awhile before I get back to DG revisions. June--I might be with you on writing two at a time--I haven't been able to pick one idea yet, lol. Oh, and I have no idea why these are popping up in FPP--I just flippin' noticed. Argh. I need to fix that, stat! :)
Click to expand...


Umm, can you teach me how to write like you? Kthnx. :)
 
Kathleen42

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Okay. Going out to supper with boyfriend and his friend but will likely be back later.
 
houndrat

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Ely--ooh, good stuff! Lots of telling little details and tension already--nicely done! :)

Becca--Man, that is sooo true re: alcohol. It always *seems* like a good idea, lol...
 
Geek_Pride

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