A question for the ladies.

Brindle Chase · Apr 26, 2010

This will probably sound very naive, but I won't understand if I don't ask, so.. laugh if you must, but here goes.

How uncommon are female orgasms? I ask, because almost every single one of my beta readers says I have my characters, particularly the females, climax too many times/often.

What is too many? I've been married much too long, and these days, sex is rare... but ummm, I guess my confusion lies more in the comments I've received.. and I believe them, but my real life experience is more how I thought I wasn't exaggerating.

Now, I my thought was... give the reader, who will more often than not, be female, what they want... where the hero is actually concerned with her pleasure. But I guess the amount of times he makes her come is overboard?

I dunno... when ( back in the stone ages) we used to have sex, 3 or 4 times for her was the norm. 5-6 if we'd been drinking, but not too much... more if we were feeling up for a marathon. Much of that I attribute to "studying" her body and remaining vigilant to her reactions... because I recall in high school, before we got together, the other girls I'd been with didn't come quite so often, but I was rarely with those girls more than once or twice (ei: no time to learn their bodies and what worked for them)... I don't claim to be a Casanova.

So I guess, I concluded, and probably wrongly, that two people (as star-crossed lovers, meant for each other... insert cliche here)... would have dynamite sex, with O's aplenty.

But my stories always seem to trigger my beta readers "reality" radar... so...

Well... help... how many is too many? Is three total believable? Six?... God, please say at least one!!! *lol* God, this sounds stupid, huh. Anyway.

ELMontague · Apr 26, 2010

Speaking as a guy, you are Casanova if you can depend on 3 or 4 orgasms per encounter. I'd wager most women aren't seeing one every time.

scarletpeaches · Apr 26, 2010

Three in one session's pretty normal for me and the more I have, the more I want. Each one makes the next more likely. Depends on the position, angle, speed, what have you, but that's a general rule.

From what I remember of sex anyway...

kuwisdelu · Apr 26, 2010

How interesting the first responders are guys... (okay, sparring SP)

In my experience, it depends very much on the lady in question. Some come more easily than others, even if they know their body very well. Some can get many smaller orgasms; some prefer a build-up to one big one.

If a couple is going solely for number of orgasms, then it's a different story, but for averages, there's more to sex than how many times you climax, and not all orgasms are made equal.

ELMontague · Apr 26, 2010

kuwisdelu said:
... but for averages, there's more to sex than how many times you climax, and not all orgasms were made equal.

Well said, and more in line with my experiences.

Lisa Cox · Apr 26, 2010

Oh, I remember the days of multiple orgasms... *sigh*

I'm lucky in that I have a guy who pays special attention to making sure I enjoy myself, so on the rare occasion we have enough time to make a night of it, I usually have three or four orgasms. But this is rare for me. Rare! More often than not I'm telling him to get on with it before hopping up to make a cuppa while leaving him to snore...

I will say, in contrast to what's been said up-thread, that each orgasm is harder to reach than the previous. Takes more work and more time to get me there a second or third time.

I'm not much help with this question. :/

Brindle Chase · Apr 26, 2010

No no, that is helpful Lisa and Scarlet! And thanks everyone. I'm just trying to find an average. I understand about climaxes not all being equal. I just need to get my story where its still explosively hot, but not triggering the reality police!! My current story, I think she get there 9 times, which is probably too many... I'm trying to figure out just how many I can get away with and not start having readers go "oh, right. In what lifetime?" ...*lol*

barbilarry · Apr 26, 2010

I tend to lean Scarlet's way, At least I did. Lucky that way, in the past. *tee hee*

Synonym · Apr 26, 2010

Sheez. This is a bit embarrassing but, in the interest of keeping Brindle in royalties, here goes nothing.

Nine freakin' times? Forget it. Certain parts would be so oversensitive that even clothes would be torture for a while. I'm always happy with once, twice would be a blessing and three times would call for a celebration. But, hey I'm getting older.

Certainly there have been times it doesn't happen at all because I can't keep my mind on the task at hand. Go figure--it's my weird brain.

So, I think a big night for your MC could be three...or four and most ladies wouldn't be throwing your book across the room and laughing uncontrollably. You're looking for realistic averages, right?

Cranky · Apr 26, 2010

Hmm. It doesn't peg my "unreality meter". Three is a regular occurrance 'round Casa del Cranky, heh. Nine is a good night, sure. More? It's happened on more than one occasion. *shrug* And I don't think that's terribly unusual.

And there are always outliers to mess up the stats, lol. I don't take long to get there, and the next and the next is easier still to achieve. But -- necessary caveat here -- if I ain't in the mood, you could bring the mountain to this Mohammed and I still wouldn't be able to climb it, so to speak.

Synonym · Apr 26, 2010

How has this received 52 lookie-loos and only 10 answers??? Perverts.

Brindle Chase · Apr 26, 2010

Synonym said:
Sheez. This is a bit embarrassing but, in the interest of keeping Brindle in royalties, here goes nothing.

Ahhh, thanks!!! I know its embarrassing... I was embarrassed to ask, but it keeps coming up and I'm like... What, not realistic????

So, I think a big night for your MC could be three...or four and most ladies wouldn't be throwing your book across the room and laughing uncontrollably. You're looking for realistic averages, right?

Yes. I know what you mean too. My experience, with my wife is after 5 or 6, each one after that is mixed with a "sensitivity" that equates to a pain.. and a few times she let me carry on (once for 19), only to regret it in the morning.

I guess what I'm shooting for is the heroine and hero meet, connect and go at it and have absolutely mind-blowing sex, but needing to keep it real. So 3 O's for her and 2 for him would work it sounds like?

Synonym · Apr 26, 2010

Well, obviously there are exceptions...but yes. I could read that and think they'd had a rousing good night.

wrangler · Apr 26, 2010

75 percent of american women fake orgasms.

firedrake · Apr 26, 2010

Ah....memories.

Back in the wild days of my youth, 2 or 3 in one session, 6 once or twice. (walked a bit funny the next day)

If I had the energy 2 or 3 still wouldn't be unreasonable.

*heads to pharmacy for Geritol*

Manuel Royal · Apr 26, 2010

wrangler said:
75 percent of american women fake orgasms.

And 37 percent of all statistics are made up.

I've known a woman who would come nine times in one encounter, but it's unusual. There are so many factors involved (for both men and women); I'd have to read the piece to see if it came across as believable.

wrangler · Apr 26, 2010

Manuel Royal said:
And 37 percent of all statistics are made up.

I've known a woman who would come nine times in one encounter, but it's unusual. There are so many factors involved (for both men and women); I'd have to read the piece to see if it came across as believable.

You're right and I agree. Google it.

ELMontague · Apr 26, 2010

I googled it...

http://www.sogc.org/health/health-myths_e.asp

No specific number, but it's obvious there's a range from 0 to a lot.

http://ehealthforum.com/health/topic35873.html

A chat on orgasm normalities...

http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Orgasm

Gotta love wikipedia

http://wiki.answers.com/Q/How_normal_is_it_for_a_woman_to_be_unable_to_have_an_orgasm_during_sex

And of course wiki.answers, which is more opinionated.

http://wiki.answers.com/Q/How_normal_is_it_for_a_woman_to_be_unable_to_have_an_orgasm_during_sex

This one is interesting.

taken from the above -

44% of men say their female partners always have orgasms when they have sex. 22% of women say they always have orgasms when they have sex.

and

Average length of time it takes a woman to have an orgasm: 20 minutes. Average length of time it takes a man: 2-5 minutes. (which means 19 would take for-F'n-ever.)

http://www.askmen.com/dating/love_tip_300/382_love_tip.html

http://www.askmen.com/dating/love_tip_200/216b_love_tip.html

These are also interesting.

http://web4health.info/it/sex-woman-intercourse-orgasm.htm

This author cries bullshit on multiples being normal.

http://www.plannedparenthood.org/te...tisfaction/some-facts-female-orgasm-25404.htm

Even Planned Parenthood has opinions...

CACTUSWENDY · Apr 26, 2010

Without outside distractions....kids and such....the more the merrier....lol

Synonym · Apr 26, 2010

Apparently, everybody has an opinion about it.

"44% of men say their female partners always have orgasms when they have sex. 22% of women say they always have orgasms when they have sex."

:ROFL:

firedrake · Apr 26, 2010

Synonym said:
Apparently, everybody has an opinion about it.

"44% of men say their female partners always have orgasms when they have sex. 22% of women say they always have orgasms when they have sex."

heh! Why am I not surprised by this little factoid?

wrangler · Apr 26, 2010

I'd be willing to bet orgasms are extremely rare for most women. That is probably why your female beta readers are tickled by the number of times you have your female characters reaching a point of climax.

Looks like you've touched on a soft spot here. LOL!

Cella · Apr 26, 2010

wrangler said:
I'd be willing to bet orgasms are extremely rare for most women. That is probably why your female beta readers are tickled by the number of times you have your female characters reaching a point of climax.

Looks like you've touched on a soft spot here. LOL!

maybe multiples are rare for most women.... but you're saying most women go through lives of sex without having any?!

How boring (an frustrating) for them, poor things.

:ROFL:

@ "Touched a soft spot"

kuwisdelu · Apr 26, 2010

Many women don't know their bodies well enough. I blame society.

wrangler · Apr 26, 2010

http://www.thirdage.com/sex/the-big-oh-and-how-to-get-it

http://collegecandy.com/tag/doggy-style/

here are two articles that mention the number of women faking/unable to have an orgasm.

A question for the ladies.

Brindle Chase

Dancing on the edge

ELMontague

scarletpeaches

kuwisdelu

Revolutionize the World

ELMontague

Lisa Cox

Brindle Chase

Dancing on the edge

barbilarry

I just wanna write

Synonym

Cranky

Synonym

Brindle Chase

Dancing on the edge

Synonym

wrangler

Dearest Strumpets and Knaves:

firedrake

practical experience, FTW

Manuel Royal

wrangler

Dearest Strumpets and Knaves:

ELMontague

CACTUSWENDY

An old, sappy, and happy one.

Synonym

firedrake

practical experience, FTW

wrangler

Dearest Strumpets and Knaves:

Cella

Cella

kuwisdelu

Revolutionize the World

wrangler

Dearest Strumpets and Knaves: