Dear Sheriff of Nottingham,
We are besieged by clever outlaws. Masters of disguise who sneak into Nottingham with inpunity to murder and rape....
Oh wait, we're not. We are besieged by ethical, violence averse outlaws, who, by all reasonable standards we should have dealt with in a manner of days. Our complete lack of success against Robin of Locksley aka Robin Hood leads us to believe our current operating procedures are in need of some very serious revision.
With that in mind, we would like to suggest these changes.
1) It is not difficult to sneak into a building guarded by men wearing face obscuring veils. We would also appreciate not being cold cocked on a weekly basis so Robin Hood's men can steal our uniforms. Please remove the chain mail veil from our uniforms.
2) Robin Hood doesn't kill people with a bow. That doesn't mean we can't. We humbly beg you reconsider the standing order that we not shoot them in the back as they flee.
3) That "hunt them with dogs" thing seemed to work really well for the, what, six hours we tried it. Lets try that again. But maybe this time not hold the dogs back and let them tear Robin Hood and his men to tiny little pieces. Problem solved.
Respectfully,
A Concerned Guardsman.
We are besieged by clever outlaws. Masters of disguise who sneak into Nottingham with inpunity to murder and rape....
Oh wait, we're not. We are besieged by ethical, violence averse outlaws, who, by all reasonable standards we should have dealt with in a manner of days. Our complete lack of success against Robin of Locksley aka Robin Hood leads us to believe our current operating procedures are in need of some very serious revision.
With that in mind, we would like to suggest these changes.
1) It is not difficult to sneak into a building guarded by men wearing face obscuring veils. We would also appreciate not being cold cocked on a weekly basis so Robin Hood's men can steal our uniforms. Please remove the chain mail veil from our uniforms.
2) Robin Hood doesn't kill people with a bow. That doesn't mean we can't. We humbly beg you reconsider the standing order that we not shoot them in the back as they flee.
3) That "hunt them with dogs" thing seemed to work really well for the, what, six hours we tried it. Lets try that again. But maybe this time not hold the dogs back and let them tear Robin Hood and his men to tiny little pieces. Problem solved.
Respectfully,
A Concerned Guardsman.
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