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Things Straight People Do That Bug LGBT People
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Thanks. 
I have my rare moments of lucidity.
Unfortunately the rest of my moments are of the "incessant ramble" type.
I kid. Sort of.
I have my rare moments of lucidity.Unfortunately the rest of my moments are of the "incessant ramble" type.
I kid. Sort of.
That one really bothers me, too. I hate it when people start talking about how something or other is "masculine" or "feminine" when it's only a heteronormative stereotype.
Long hair can be masculine, too. Though I don't think you'd mind me saying if it looks quite feminine on you.
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I'd practically insist upon the matter.
And actually, my hair does look somewhat girly right now. It's not very long yet, but long enough to frame my face and stuff like that.
I quite like my hair as it is, though I'm definitely aiming for long-long. Unfortunately, it's not yet long enough to NOT flop into my eyes constantly...
/derail
And actually, my hair does look somewhat girly right now. It's not very long yet, but long enough to frame my face and stuff like that.
I quite like my hair as it is, though I'm definitely aiming for long-long. Unfortunately, it's not yet long enough to NOT flop into my eyes constantly...
/derail
I'd practically insist upon the matter.
And actually, my hair does look somewhat girly right now. It's not very long yet, but long enough to frame my face and stuff like that.
I quite like my hair as it is, though I'm definitely aiming for long-long. Unfortunately, it's not yet long enough to NOT flop into my eyes constantly...
/derail
Your goal should be this.
/derail
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I so agree with this. Once people just stop caring about how men and women behave, I think all people will benefit. Gay, Straight, Trans, Pan. Whatever.
Aye, that happened to me too when I married a man. Apparently, I got over my queerness and went straight....
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I didn't figure out I was bi until after I married a man. That's the main reason I've been somewhat reluctant to come out. I really don't want to answer any questions about how exactly I know I'm bi if I'm married, how do I know I'm not just bi-curious, etc. I'm not making as much of an effort to hide it anymore (obviously, since I'm posting publicly about it), but...I'm still iffy about just how much I want to invite Uncomfortable and Invasive Questions (tm).
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It was kind of funny, my husband was at a post-DADT training thing (he's military), and some of the guys were being incredibly ignorant about queer people. One of them said, "I don't want some [euphemism] checking out my junk!" My husband shot back, "What makes you think he would? Gay men do have standards, you know."
I love him.
I think I've said this before, but I think I love your husband, too.
I really like this definition, because it really does fit perfectly with the reactions of many homophobic men.
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I'm glad everybody here is too cool to do these things.
Actually, I had to look up "cisgender". Thirty years ago I would have known what it meant by the prefix. (I think I would. Sometimes I can't remember what all I've forgotten. And I have the suspicion I've looked it up before, probably within the past year.)
I'd say it's more meaningful to ask straight people if they can remember choosing to be heterosexual. We usually don't mold our feelings based on some label we choose; instead, we identify as we do based on our innate feelings. (Though sometimes people choose the label because they think that's what they're supposed to be, and try to force their feelings to match it. Doesn't tend to work out well.)
Like how I'd tacitly assume somebody is right-handed. It would make zero difference in our relations, until and unless it becomes relevant. (Like if I wanted to buy them a pair of scissors, or a baseball glove.) There are clues, but you can't always tell. Some right-handed people wear wristwatches on the right. And a lot of people are ambidextrous to a degree. I know I am.
Actually, I had to look up "cisgender". Thirty years ago I would have known what it meant by the prefix. (I think I would. Sometimes I can't remember what all I've forgotten. And I have the suspicion I've looked it up before, probably within the past year.)
Although well-meaning, it's not a very strong argument anyway. People do sometimes choose to be something that people will hate them for. Like an accordion player.DancingMaenid said:
I'd say it's more meaningful to ask straight people if they can remember choosing to be heterosexual. We usually don't mold our feelings based on some label we choose; instead, we identify as we do based on our innate feelings. (Though sometimes people choose the label because they think that's what they're supposed to be, and try to force their feelings to match it. Doesn't tend to work out well.)
Well, the fact is that a large majority of people are (mostly) heterosexual. Without evidence to the contrary, it's a reasonable assumption. At the same time, it's something that should be irrelevant to how one is spoken to and treated.J. Koyanagi said:
Like how I'd tacitly assume somebody is right-handed. It would make zero difference in our relations, until and unless it becomes relevant. (Like if I wanted to buy them a pair of scissors, or a baseball glove.) There are clues, but you can't always tell. Some right-handed people wear wristwatches on the right. And a lot of people are ambidextrous to a degree. I know I am.
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Straight people who claim their "gaydar" works perfectly.
I'm gay. But I don't have "gaydar". Nobody does. Like many, many people, I'm incorrect about 60 - 70% of the time when I assume somebody is GLBT based on appearance or vibe or because they happen to be in the same bar as me. Because of many missteps ("Never assume because you make an ass of YOU and only YOU"), I just wait until the other person actually says or does something.
I'm gay. But I don't have "gaydar". Nobody does. Like many, many people, I'm incorrect about 60 - 70% of the time when I assume somebody is GLBT based on appearance or vibe or because they happen to be in the same bar as me. Because of many missteps ("Never assume because you make an ass of YOU and only YOU"), I just wait until the other person actually says or does something.
Heh. One of my friends is gay, and is quite, well, someone that outwardly acts in a manner many stereotypically associate with gay men. I never really bothered assuming he was gay or straight, partially because I figure it's none of my business, and partially because I wasn't attracted to him or anything, so it's not like it would affect me anyway. Finally, we and some other friends went to a gay bar together, he commented on how he was the only one among us who was actually gay, and I just thought, "oh, well that makes a lot of sense."
When heterosexual men believe it is 'okay' for women to be homosexual because they find it erotic, but not okay for men to be homosexual because they find it disgusting. I think this boils my blood more than anything else.
The AIDS factor, like someone else said: When many homophobic men and women find out a person is gay, they automatically assume that person has a 80% chance of having AIDS.
I'm a biological woman married to a biological man. Sex and identity have never been an issue on who I've found myself attracted to. But I get asked this question ALL THE TIME: Now that you married a guy...you're totally straight now, right? Sure. The moment we both said 'I do' the attraction fairy flew in, threw magic dust in my face and BAM! I was only attracted to men from then on.
The AIDS factor, like someone else said: When many homophobic men and women find out a person is gay, they automatically assume that person has a 80% chance of having AIDS.
I'm a biological woman married to a biological man. Sex and identity have never been an issue on who I've found myself attracted to. But I get asked this question ALL THE TIME: Now that you married a guy...you're totally straight now, right? Sure. The moment we both said 'I do' the attraction fairy flew in, threw magic dust in my face and BAM! I was only attracted to men from then on.
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Yup! But it makes perfect sense, after all sexual attraction only exists when you're having sex. In fact, in between relationships, straight people actually lose all sexual orientation. Merely blank slates awaiting the next set of genitals to pass them by.
...That's totally how it works, right?
I dislike when allies are overly "ally." This one is hard to put into words, but there are those who like gay people solely on account of their being gay people, and (straight folks) who are pro-gay to the point of objectifying gay people. I dislike when these very allies think that they know what it's like to be gay because they are social pariahs (or for any other reason, really) and when they use language that implies in some way that they are a part of us. These are also the same people who, indirectly or directly, tell us how we should feel --or what our reactions to things should be-- based on our gayness.
Perhaps I'm othering too much here, but I dunno... this one is especially hard to describe, because it's insidious as fuck. Nevertheless, I'm pretty sure most queers on this board know what I'm talking about and have experienced it in some form or another.
Perhaps I'm othering too much here, but I dunno... this one is especially hard to describe, because it's insidious as fuck. Nevertheless, I'm pretty sure most queers on this board know what I'm talking about and have experienced it in some form or another.
Ulg, I know. I first encountered this when I was a teen and it just boggled me. Such insecurity.
Also The Mighty Boosh is awesome!
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I know exactly what you're talking about.
I've seen it happen with Native Americans when I was working with local tribal communities. It was horrifying and horribly fascinating to see how some people behaved around Native Americans, especially elders. It was an odd combination of over-the-top reverence and patting a precocious child on the head. I just wanted to say..."Look, they're people yannow?"
And - from Absinitvidia:
Within the writing community, the thing that never fails to piss me off is the straight writers of GLBT erotica who bitch and moan about having to hide their "writer identities" from their families, coworkers, etc.--and do so to their colleagues who identify as GLBT, with no sense of irony whatsoever.
I don't get it. I've never hid what I write. There's no sense. It wouldn't take a rocket scientist to link my pen name to my real name. If people have a problem with what I write they'll leave me alone and they won't read my stuff. They're not people I'd want in my life anyway.
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This.
The worst examples from my life is when allies became so enmeshed in "the struggle" that they started to assume leadership positions in the organisations I was a part of. I guess that could be a kind of othering on my part when I resented that.
Oh god yes. And, related to this, support of 'conventionally attractive' lesbian couples but not 'masculine' couples, or less 'conventionally attractive' - i.e 'too old', 'too fat', 'too butch', 'too hairy', etc.
Newsflash: they're not lesbian for your benefit. They're not seeking your approval. Get over it.
Kind of the opposite for me...I confess I'm a little nervous about some of my coworkers' reaction if/when they find out that many of the central characters in my book* are, gasp, not straight - but mostly because I'm perfectly OK with their current assumption that, being happily married, I must therefore be 100% straight and cis-gender. It's really none of their business either way, yanno?
* which is not erotica, I hasten to add!
I really have appreciated the responses. Whenever someone who isn't part of the club is in the club, it's helpful to know how to conduct yourself appropriately.
I'm trying not to tip-toe around these questions. For example, my manager is a gay man and he's Jewish. Very gay and very Jewish. He catches a lot of shit and sometimes it's simply because the nature of the work we do is one where you catch shit. Being in or out has nothing to do with it.
We have butted heads over work-related matters and many times I've come home angry and muttering, "My boss is an asshole."
What I try to focus on is the asshole part. He's not a gay asshole or a Jewish asshole. He'd still be an asshole if he were Black or straight or a woman.
I guess that counts as some slight degree of progress, right? Your sexual orientation has nothing to do with whether or not you're an asshole.
Yay!
I haven't linked to this video before because it's a little brutal, and NSFW:
Shit Straight Girls Say to Lesbians
Shit Straight Girls Say to Lesbians
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