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Old 04-29-2012, 11:05 PM   #6026
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FOTSGreg is so great that we've run out of appropriate complimentsFOTSGreg is so great that we've run out of appropriate complimentsFOTSGreg is so great that we've run out of appropriate complimentsFOTSGreg is so great that we've run out of appropriate complimentsFOTSGreg is so great that we've run out of appropriate complimentsFOTSGreg is so great that we've run out of appropriate complimentsFOTSGreg is so great that we've run out of appropriate complimentsFOTSGreg is so great that we've run out of appropriate complimentsFOTSGreg is so great that we've run out of appropriate complimentsFOTSGreg is so great that we've run out of appropriate complimentsFOTSGreg is so great that we've run out of appropriate compliments
Need a tiny bit of help with a phrasing. The current phrase goes as follows,

His voice held a whisper of slithering scaliness.

I know that can be phrased better. Any suggestions?
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Old 04-29-2012, 11:16 PM   #6027
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night-flyer is so great that we've run out of appropriate complimentsnight-flyer is so great that we've run out of appropriate complimentsnight-flyer is so great that we've run out of appropriate complimentsnight-flyer is so great that we've run out of appropriate complimentsnight-flyer is so great that we've run out of appropriate complimentsnight-flyer is so great that we've run out of appropriate complimentsnight-flyer is so great that we've run out of appropriate complimentsnight-flyer is so great that we've run out of appropriate complimentsnight-flyer is so great that we've run out of appropriate complimentsnight-flyer is so great that we've run out of appropriate complimentsnight-flyer is so great that we've run out of appropriate compliments
Good day hounds.

Abby, good luck and much congrats on the new job tomorrow.

Debbie, hope your connecting flight is there and waiting so you don't have a delay.

Soapy, beat the snot out of that WIP and knock that outline into the dirt. Show it who's boss.

Greg, maybe something with seething or hissing instead.

And Haggis...Amen. I pray that she goes ever so lightly with the angels guiding her way and surrounded by family and loved ones.

and I'll have one of those shots please.
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Old 04-29-2012, 11:36 PM   #6028
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FOTSGreg is so great that we've run out of appropriate complimentsFOTSGreg is so great that we've run out of appropriate complimentsFOTSGreg is so great that we've run out of appropriate complimentsFOTSGreg is so great that we've run out of appropriate complimentsFOTSGreg is so great that we've run out of appropriate complimentsFOTSGreg is so great that we've run out of appropriate complimentsFOTSGreg is so great that we've run out of appropriate complimentsFOTSGreg is so great that we've run out of appropriate complimentsFOTSGreg is so great that we've run out of appropriate complimentsFOTSGreg is so great that we've run out of appropriate complimentsFOTSGreg is so great that we've run out of appropriate compliments
I ended the previous sentence with "hissed". The current sentence reads as "His tone whispered of slithering scales."
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Old 04-30-2012, 12:08 AM   #6029
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Abby, the Harry Potter world is in Universal Studios Orland Islands of Adventure. I've gone a few times and it's always like going HOME. I think I'm going in July, but I'm not sure yet - that's not set in stone.

Greg - Everything I attempted sounded twice as awkward, but have you tried saying it all out loud and seeing what you correct yourself to? Maybe that's a me thing, but if I have a super awkward passage, I'll start reading a page or two before hand, out loud, and by the time I get there, I'm so in the flow of it that I simply correct it as I read out loud. The trick is, then, remembering the correction and making it. But it usually works well for me, anyway.

All - Middle Grade or young young adult horror, is that a thing? What am I even doing with my life right now? The world does not need a new R.L. Stein, the original was so freaking awesome.
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Old 04-30-2012, 12:33 AM   #6030
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FOTSGreg is so great that we've run out of appropriate complimentsFOTSGreg is so great that we've run out of appropriate complimentsFOTSGreg is so great that we've run out of appropriate complimentsFOTSGreg is so great that we've run out of appropriate complimentsFOTSGreg is so great that we've run out of appropriate complimentsFOTSGreg is so great that we've run out of appropriate complimentsFOTSGreg is so great that we've run out of appropriate complimentsFOTSGreg is so great that we've run out of appropriate complimentsFOTSGreg is so great that we've run out of appropriate complimentsFOTSGreg is so great that we've run out of appropriate complimentsFOTSGreg is so great that we've run out of appropriate compliments
Actually, read out loud, "His tone whispered of slithering scales" sounds good to me.
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Old 04-30-2012, 12:37 AM   #6031
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I got nothing.

But I haven't had my coffee, yet and I only got four hours of sleep last night.
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Old 04-30-2012, 12:50 AM   #6032
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If it fits, go for it. I wasn't sure if you didn't still like it or not. It's a stylistic choice, and how it fits your piece is really all that matters.

At C2E2 I went to some amazing panels with authors like Anne Rice and Charlaine Harris on them, and that was something I noticed - these authors all had a seriously noticable way of being themself. It was awesome. The way they spoke was just as distinct as they way they wrote. I mean, these are big time, long-enduring authors, who have had a lot of time to practice being themselves in panels, but still. It was neat.
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Old 04-30-2012, 03:45 AM   #6033
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slcboston is so great that we've run out of appropriate complimentsslcboston is so great that we've run out of appropriate complimentsslcboston is so great that we've run out of appropriate complimentsslcboston is so great that we've run out of appropriate complimentsslcboston is so great that we've run out of appropriate complimentsslcboston is so great that we've run out of appropriate complimentsslcboston is so great that we've run out of appropriate complimentsslcboston is so great that we've run out of appropriate complimentsslcboston is so great that we've run out of appropriate complimentsslcboston is so great that we've run out of appropriate complimentsslcboston is so great that we've run out of appropriate compliments
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His voice held a whisper of slithering scaliness.
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"His tone whispered of slithering scales"
FWIW, I'd combine the two. I like "His voice held a whisper of slithering scales."

Just my two cents.

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Old 04-30-2012, 05:54 AM   #6034
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Maybe "His voice whispered of slithering scales." ?
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Old 04-30-2012, 06:00 AM   #6035
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No, I like the "held a whisper" because when you phrase it the other way, it just makes me think that's what he's actually whispering, which is not what I think you're trying to convey.

Again, just my two cents in how it sounds to my ears. Or, er, reads, because I'm not reading it out loud.

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Old 04-30-2012, 07:10 AM   #6036
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The conveyance is that the listener is hearing something at the back of the speaker's voice, something that may or may not be there.

Damn, it's such a difficult turn of a phrase for something that ought to be relatively easy to convey - maybe I ought to just say "His voice held darkness"...

On a lighter note, my friend Erika said she'd be willing to go out with me sometime. Her major worry is other patrons of hers finding out we're going out together and expecting the same thing.

I understand her concerns from an employment POV. She needs those tips and she doesn't need to be hassled by other customers constantly asking her out.
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Old 04-30-2012, 07:14 AM   #6037
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maybe I ought to just say "His voice held darkness"...
EGAD! NO!



Er, I mean, I don't think that works near as well, Greg.




So... when are you asking her out, Greg?
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Old 04-30-2012, 07:22 AM   #6038
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Okay... Cutting that right out of the phrase alternatives...

As to when I'll be asking Erika out - Next week. I'll have more money, less bills, and be better off financially, none of which matters to her. I gave her another hyacinth flower today 'cause I was kind've an ass in an email to her yesterday (she said I wasn't, but I was).
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Old 04-30-2012, 07:42 AM   #6039
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Um, that's "next week" as in "the week that starts tomorrow," right?

Because she's given you the green light here. Ergo, you need to ask.



And yes, I will become an absolute pest on this issue if you keep putting it off.

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Old 04-30-2012, 06:47 PM   #6040
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Morning, Hounds. Today is the start to the week where I catch up on stuff.

After coffee.
And after herding children.

And assuming the puppy sleeps some.
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Old 04-30-2012, 06:53 PM   #6041
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slcboston is so great that we've run out of appropriate complimentsslcboston is so great that we've run out of appropriate complimentsslcboston is so great that we've run out of appropriate complimentsslcboston is so great that we've run out of appropriate complimentsslcboston is so great that we've run out of appropriate complimentsslcboston is so great that we've run out of appropriate complimentsslcboston is so great that we've run out of appropriate complimentsslcboston is so great that we've run out of appropriate complimentsslcboston is so great that we've run out of appropriate complimentsslcboston is so great that we've run out of appropriate complimentsslcboston is so great that we've run out of appropriate compliments
So, in other words, it's not going to happen.




I have the week in which things should be done, too. Only in my case there is no choice unless I want to hand out random grades.


Wait. I have a dice. Six sides, five possible grades, how did I not see this before?

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Old 04-30-2012, 06:57 PM   #6042
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Morning, Hounds. Today is the start to the week where I catch up on stuff.

After coffee.
And after herding children.

And assuming the puppy sleeps some.
Morning guys - wow, I keep missing stuff. You guys are typing up a storm!

And I am doing catch-up stuff also
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Old 04-30-2012, 07:00 PM   #6043
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So, in other words, it's not going to happen.

Oh, it'll happen.

No, seriously. It will.


Why'd you have to put doubt in my mind like that?


Quote:
Wait. I have a dice. Six sides, five possible grades, how did I not see this before?




PD
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Old 04-30-2012, 07:20 PM   #6044
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slcboston is so great that we've run out of appropriate complimentsslcboston is so great that we've run out of appropriate complimentsslcboston is so great that we've run out of appropriate complimentsslcboston is so great that we've run out of appropriate complimentsslcboston is so great that we've run out of appropriate complimentsslcboston is so great that we've run out of appropriate complimentsslcboston is so great that we've run out of appropriate complimentsslcboston is so great that we've run out of appropriate complimentsslcboston is so great that we've run out of appropriate complimentsslcboston is so great that we've run out of appropriate complimentsslcboston is so great that we've run out of appropriate compliments
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Why'd you have to put doubt in my mind like that?
I have a week off.


How else am I supposed to amuse myself?

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Old 04-30-2012, 08:20 PM   #6045
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LaurieD is so great that we've run out of appropriate complimentsLaurieD is so great that we've run out of appropriate complimentsLaurieD is so great that we've run out of appropriate complimentsLaurieD is so great that we've run out of appropriate complimentsLaurieD is so great that we've run out of appropriate complimentsLaurieD is so great that we've run out of appropriate complimentsLaurieD is so great that we've run out of appropriate complimentsLaurieD is so great that we've run out of appropriate complimentsLaurieD is so great that we've run out of appropriate complimentsLaurieD is so great that we've run out of appropriate complimentsLaurieD is so great that we've run out of appropriate compliments
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Need a tiny bit of help with a phrasing. The current phrase goes as follows,

His voice held a whisper of slithering scaliness.

I know that can be phrased better. Any suggestions?
If it still matters, I like it as it is.

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Old 04-30-2012, 08:21 PM   #6046
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LaurieD is so great that we've run out of appropriate complimentsLaurieD is so great that we've run out of appropriate complimentsLaurieD is so great that we've run out of appropriate complimentsLaurieD is so great that we've run out of appropriate complimentsLaurieD is so great that we've run out of appropriate complimentsLaurieD is so great that we've run out of appropriate complimentsLaurieD is so great that we've run out of appropriate complimentsLaurieD is so great that we've run out of appropriate complimentsLaurieD is so great that we've run out of appropriate complimentsLaurieD is so great that we've run out of appropriate complimentsLaurieD is so great that we've run out of appropriate compliments
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Morning, Hounds. Today is the start to the week where I catch up on stuff.

After coffee.
And after herding children.

And assuming the puppy sleeps some.
Ahhh! You got a puppy!!

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Old 04-30-2012, 08:23 PM   #6047
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LaurieD is so great that we've run out of appropriate complimentsLaurieD is so great that we've run out of appropriate complimentsLaurieD is so great that we've run out of appropriate complimentsLaurieD is so great that we've run out of appropriate complimentsLaurieD is so great that we've run out of appropriate complimentsLaurieD is so great that we've run out of appropriate complimentsLaurieD is so great that we've run out of appropriate complimentsLaurieD is so great that we've run out of appropriate complimentsLaurieD is so great that we've run out of appropriate complimentsLaurieD is so great that we've run out of appropriate complimentsLaurieD is so great that we've run out of appropriate compliments
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Amen, brother. Wendy loves her some Hounds. And the Hounds love her.

Here's to a peaceful transition, Wendy.
Well said.

What a sad surprise to me this morning.
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Old 04-30-2012, 09:09 PM   #6048
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Ahhh! You got a puppy!!

I knew I'd get this reaction from you, Laurie.

Yep. Got a puppy. One that now looks like he's wearing clown makeup from brushing up against my wet terracotta pots outside.
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Old 04-30-2012, 09:19 PM   #6049
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Greetings, hounds! I've been playing over at the Write 1 Sub 1 thread, but since I'm a horror writer , I figured I would pop my head over here and say hi. Soo...Hi!

Feels lovely to be amongst good company. Those literary people don't know what they're missing.
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Old 04-30-2012, 09:32 PM   #6050
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Location: Not Really Here
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slcboston is so great that we've run out of appropriate complimentsslcboston is so great that we've run out of appropriate complimentsslcboston is so great that we've run out of appropriate complimentsslcboston is so great that we've run out of appropriate complimentsslcboston is so great that we've run out of appropriate complimentsslcboston is so great that we've run out of appropriate complimentsslcboston is so great that we've run out of appropriate complimentsslcboston is so great that we've run out of appropriate complimentsslcboston is so great that we've run out of appropriate complimentsslcboston is so great that we've run out of appropriate complimentsslcboston is so great that we've run out of appropriate compliments
Quote:
Originally Posted by soapdish View Post
Yep. Got a puppy. One that now looks like he's wearing clown makeup from brushing up against my wet terracotta pots outside.
Oh, goody.


So now he's a *scary* whirling dervish of fuzzy destruction.

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