The No News is No News Purgatory Thread, Vol. 7

[xiaotien]

my sweet pea is 8 and just started
to email. i checked her emails last night
and i wasn't too happy about the behavior
on there. most of it was inane, but i wonder
if there's any reason for her to be on it at
all? she's only emailing her friends at school.

at what age did you let your bub email?
and if they do, do you limit access?

thanks for any advice. being a parent is
really hard.

[firedrake]

Originally Posted by xiaotien

my sweet pea is 8 and just started
to email. i checked her emails last night
and i wasn't too happy about the behavior
on there. most of it was inane, but i wonder
if there's any reason for her to be on it at
all? she's only emailing her friends at school.

at what age did you let your bub email?
and if they do, do you limit access?

thanks for any advice. being a parent is
really hard.

I finally let young Firedrake have email access, he's 13. I don't think he emails anyone. He's too busy playing games on his netbook and correcting P0k3m0n Wikpedia entries!

[callalily61]

X-Cin, mine didn't email till middle school. If they wanted to talk to someone, they called. They did go to sites to play games, and they were only allowed to play "against the site" as it were, not against anyone who might also be logged in.

We also kept totalitarian watch on what they did online, and Mr. Lily set their in-boxes to BCC himself. This offended some parents when we were drawn into a discussion about it. It didn't make either of our kids happy, either, but we informed that ther weren't living in a democracy. Also, the door was never allowed to be closed when they were online. We caught kiddo looking at pr0n in middle school, and Mr. Lily gave him A Talk about respecting women--and also about how those sites were chock-full of viruses. (Certianly young boys have girles and nekkidity on the brain; we just wanted to be able to explain things rather than have him learn about it from pr0n sites. I learned things from sneaking my dad's girlie mags. NOT the right way to see things!)

Your bubs are much younger, but in a way this is good. You can steer them in the right direction that much quicker.

/lecture. This is something I'm quite opinionated about, since I've seen bad things happen.

[xiaotien]

lily, i think the longer we put off
online stuff, the better. there is no
reason for her to be emailing nonsense
to her friends when she sees them at school
all day. and ironically, hub is computer guy,
but does very little in the way of gate keeping.

i'm thinking we need to revoke or seriously
limit the email stuff. i'm sorry we let her on
in the first place. (her dad did, actually. i think
i need to have a chat with him. he isn't the type
to ever think about consequences. augh.)

[Thalia]

Everyone I know had Facebook by 11, email by 8. If their parents didn't want them to, they just did it behind their backs. Actually, especially if their parents didn't want them to have an online presence.

I did plenty of online stuff without telling my parents, and they don't monitor anything I've done since I was... ever, really. I had computers at school if they banned me at home. They've occasionally monitored my sister, and checked in on what I was doing, and sometimes I did things or told people things they didn't want me to do, but they never banned me from anything, just tried to keep the subject of internet safety a really open conversation in the house, gave me all the information they could so I could make my own choices, and tried to make sure I understood what the internet was (essentially the same thing they did for drugs and sex). And I turned out all right.

So, in other words... the more you try to keep things from your kids or monitor your kids, the more likely they are to try and rebel. You gotta respect them and trust that you've raised them right. At the end of the day, that's all you really can do.

That's my take on it, at least.

[xiaotien]

my husband officially drives me crazy.
*pulls hair*

thanks for your input, thalia.

[Kiahanna]

My husband already has plans on what to do with the internet when we have kids. He's a serious tech guy (his job is maintaining servers) so he can design his own program that will monitor all traffic going in and going out of the network - this includes emails, chat ims, websites, and so on. This, apparently, will allow him to write code to block out anything we don't want to come in.

I can't imagine any school not having a their system locked down. That sounds like a recipe for disaster.

[Thalia]

My middle/high school had facebook blocked, msn blocked, etc... but I went to the top private school in Montreal. We all knew how to hack the system by age 12, and we all knew exactly what time the school tech guy got to school and left school, so we could avoid him locking us down.

He figured us out by grade 8, but by then we were 14 and went to the public library.

ETA: But Cindy, your daughter is 8. (this just occurred to me in the shower) If your daughter really wants email, chances are she cares more about not being the only one of her friends without email than about the actual act of emailing. I remember being 8. That was the age I forced myself to do everything from take ballet to eat tomatos (the only food in existence I don't like) so I'd have enough in common with a girl in my class to have a best friend.

[Kiahanna]

It sounds like you had a very incompetent tech guy at that school. The good systems do the locking out automatically, and can't be hacked by anything short of a computer prodigy.

It's amazing what you can learn by simple positional osmosis with your tech significant other. Ick.

[Thalia]

Heh, maybe. We got a new guy the year after, and he put a stop to everything. Not email, obviously, because this was a laptop-based school.

Though this was also the top school in the province, and there were some actual geniuses in my class, who could hack almost anything.

[OL]

Did I remember to compliment Caleb on his outfit? I thought I did and then I didn't see it on my post. Me = Tired.

Off to WeHo and B00k Soup today for my last event for a couple of weeks. The events are fun but I'm ready for a break.

[Maryn]

Back from my miles. Did I miss any excitement?

I did my good deed for the day. We try to walk where there's access to a bathroom, since we drink a pot of coffee between us most mornings, and today there was some kind of event at the park with the restrooms. Every one of them was out of paper. I had a new pocket-package of Kleenex, used one, and left the rest, neatly sealed. So at least the next dozen women were better off than they would have been.

Maryn, a real prince*

*Nah. A 'real prince' would have stopped for a 12-pack and returned to the park, put a roll in each stall, and gone home.

[callalily61]

...and this is why I don't discuss our child-rearing choices online.

Leaving now. Back later.


ETA: Sorry, I realized that sounded like a flounce. It's actually a "feed the kid lunch and drive him to his next ref job".

[rosiecotton]

Originally Posted by firedrake

I finally let young Firedrake have email access, he's 13. I don't think he emails anyone. He's too busy playing games on his netbook and correcting P0k3m0n Wikpedia entries!

I love everything about this post.

The pictures are awesome--OL's signing and the Grand Tour. You guys look like you're having such a blast. So jealous.

[xiaotien]

thalia, majority of her friends
do NOT have email. we're limiting it
to weekends only and i told her i'd
monitor everything. we had a talk.

hub is clueless. i shake my head.
not that i don't struggle with it but....

[firedrake]

Originally Posted by rosiecotton

I love everything about this post.

Heh.
He sits about three feet away from me so I can see exactly what he's doing on the net book.
He will not be getting an FB account until he's 15 or 16. I'm going to wait until he's mature enough to deal with the shite that sometimes happens on there.

[Thalia]

Hey! As a 16-year-old, I take offense!

no, but if that's your parenting choice, I hope that works for you. Though, be warned, there is a very good chance he will get FB behind your back.

I am super grateful my parents don't monitor everything I do. That would be incredibly awkward, considering I watch Game Of Thrones on my computer...

But then again, my parents are the only ones out of my group of friends' parents here who aren't overprotective or overly strict, and I am the only one of my friends down here not drinking, partying, smoking pot, having sex, and dating behind their parents' backs. For what it's worth.

Cindy, oh, if that's the case then that sounds very reasonable. Everyone at my school had email in Grade 4, so I just assumed.

[firedrake]

Originally Posted by Thalia

Hey! As a 16-year-old, I take offense!

no, but if that's your parenting choice, I hope that works for you. Though, be warned, there is a very good chance he will get FB behind your back.

I am super grateful my parents don't monitor everything I do. That would be incredibly awkward, considering I watch Game Of Thrones on my computer...

But then again, my parents are the only ones out of my group of friends' parents here who aren't overprotective or overly strict, and I am the only one of my friends down here not drinking, partying, smoking pot, having sex, and dating behind their parents' backs. For what it's worth.

Cindy, oh, if that's the case then that sounds very reasonable. Everyone at my school had email in Grade 4, so I just assumed.

Chances are, he won't. Not while he's sitting three feet away from me.

[suki]

Hi All. Busy Saturday of grocery store then yard work then whinging cause I couldn't move from the yardwork. Today is more relaxing (especially since it's been storming off and on, so we don't want to go out, and we don't have to water the new grass seed put down yesterday). A bit of writing in a bit, but first, a quick catch up.

I'm not going back far, so forgive me if I miss stuff, and hugs and high fives as needed.

Caleb - sounds like a good weekend, movies, and positive social interactions and velvety clothes.

OL - signing sounds like it went well, and yay for good pictures!

Dragonstar - good luck!

Blue - sounds like a good weekend, and yay for making the signing!

xiao - thanks for the pics! And looks like fun.

ny - funky hair!

Teriann - hope it's not a rough trip and everything goes smoothly.

Dawn - I think all first person POV characters are inherently unreliable - it's just a matter of degree - because the reader always gets everything through the filter of the POV character's experience/beliefs/awareness etc, even when that character is in denial, confused or lying to himself. I'd be happy to be a sounding board, if you're working through something and need a second opinion. Email or PM if you want.

vfury, para and Dys - lol - you all are cracking me up, and thanks for the lovely pics!

xiao - I'm not a parent, so I think my advice is limited - but, fwiw, do what feels right for you and your kid. I will say, though, that I've heard more than one middle school principal/counselor/teacher advise that the longer you keep them, off fb etc. the better. Cause as soon as they are on, it's a hundred times worse in terms of peer pressure, bullying, nonsense, etc.

I've known plenty of parents who have been ultra restrictive, for the good, and plenty of parents we are ultra permissive, also worked, but the key is for their particular kids. Not all kids can handle what others can, and you need to make the best decision for your kid.

Okay, a bit more noodling around, then writing. But first, more coffee.

~suki

[Thalia]

Oh, I didn't mean now. But if he wants to, chances are he will find a way. Speaking as a teenager, we can be pretty resouirceful when we want to be.

[firedrake]

Originally Posted by Thalia

Oh, I didn't mean now. But if he wants to, chances are he will find a way. Speaking as a teenager, we can be pretty resouirceful when we want to be.

Speaking as the responsible parent of a teenager, I can be pretty resourceful and canny myself.

[Thalia]

Jeez, didn't mean to offend you or anything! Sorry!

[xiaotien]

TEENS VS PARENTS round one

FIGHT!

ha!

suki i agree. fb... forget about it.
put off as long as i can.

thalia, she is a young third grader.
so most her friends no email yet.
i think wknd with monitoring good
compromise. we already had a talk.

[firedrake]

Originally Posted by Thalia

Jeez, didn't mean to offend you or anything! Sorry!

Not in the least bit offended. Just saying how things work in this house, that's all.

[Thalia]

Sounds good! I got email in grade 4.

Haha, sounds like you know what you're doing, then. My parents have always given me a lot of freedom, but then again I've never done anything to abuse their trust. When I look at some of my friends, though, they could definitely have used some parental restrictions.

Then again, I have a friend who is literally not allowed to walk across the street without adult supervision, yet she still has a boyfriend... In secret. I get where her parents are coming from, though, because the island I live on has some of the highest teen pregnancy rates in the world. Definitely a higher percentage than the US.