What Has Fantasy Taught You? - Page 4

shawkins · 07-04-2008, 12:36 AM

Women like metal lingerie because it's comfy and practical.

Shweta · 07-04-2008, 12:39 AM

Quote:

Originally Posted by shawkins

Women like metal lingerie because it's comfy and practical.

And is clearly magnetized, because every arrow and sword blow hits it instead of the vast quantities of unclothed skin.

Maybe the magnetism is good for the womens' health too?

Memnon624 · 07-04-2008, 01:16 AM

If a village in the backwater of the kingdom has a heterogenous mix of human racial types, it must be Good; if it doesn't, it's Evil.

The big cross on the cleric's tabard obviously means he's the first-aid specialist.

Clerics can't draw blood. Really? I guess the Crusades were just one big club-fest . . .

If you have an uncle, he's a vicious bastard who should be dispatched with alacrity before he causes you problems.

Ardellis · 07-04-2008, 07:15 PM

Pay extremely close attention to the description of any magical item you come across. Especially if you aim to purchase it. If there is any possibility of a loophole, it will bite you in the ass.

Example: the grappling hook that is guaranteed to catch on the first throw. Too bad it never catches again *after* that.

TTCleveland · 06-14-2012, 09:00 AM

That it's perfectly normal to have an entire planet with one religion, language, and government.

Slamhamster · 06-14-2012, 01:44 PM

Any MC that attends a school of either magic or combat will become the star pupil, just like the antagonist did several years before.

A poultice of herbs can cure anything short of actual amputation.

LadyV · 06-15-2012, 05:43 AM

Any woman who fights creatures of the night must wear black leather.

Teinz · 06-15-2012, 11:42 AM

Love will lure you to the Dark Side...

Ehm, no, it is the only thing capable of conquering the Dark Lord...

Scratch that, it merely keeps you going when you're the Ring Bearer...

Or it is an instrument of the Divine, which plays with us for it's own purposes...

It is the defining quality of the One....

Ehm....

third person · 06-15-2012, 12:20 PM

Crush your enemies, see them driven before you, bask in the lamentations of their women = profit

thepicpic · 06-15-2012, 12:42 PM

If somebody opposes you, jab a knife in their back because it'll hurt them more if they don't see it coming.
If that doesn't work, go for the eyes.
Everyone is too honourable to strike below the belt.

Shirokirie · 06-16-2012, 02:09 AM

Nothing is Impossible.

Death Wizard · 06-16-2012, 05:56 AM

Weakling goofballs will win out in the end because the ball will always bounce their way in the climax.

No matter how dire the situation, something good will happen -- often through dialogue -- that will right the ship.

Love and laughter -- weaklings through the first 900 pages -- will rise to the occasion in the final 100.

Civic · 06-16-2012, 06:40 AM

There's nothing more exciting than the ultimate crescendo of battle between good and evil.

Johnny Von Rotten · 06-16-2012, 10:03 AM

Nothing has to happen for at least 50 pages.

BigWords · 06-16-2012, 04:55 PM

Quote:

Originally Posted by Shirokirie

Nothing is Impossible.

In a way, real life taught me this. Kinda.

All the things which people said were dumb, impossible and so horrendously time-consuming that it wouldn't be worth contemplating turned out fine, thanks.

Fantasy taught me to never give in to the evil empires (you can insert the company name of choice here), while SF taught me that everything has a use - you just need to find a way to use what you have.

Lhipenwhe · 06-16-2012, 07:16 PM

That love is stronger than hate and can ignite stars. That all tears not be those of sorrow. Heroes don't need to be strong, or ultra-macho alphas, or fearless, just being willing to stand up to adversity. And that the happiest endings are ones someone worked for, instead of just falling into someone's lap.

Martin Persson · 06-23-2012, 04:05 AM

Dark Lords should never have children because their sons will turn on them and their daughters will fall in love with a hero.

Filigree · 06-23-2012, 05:39 AM

Dark Lords should all read 'Memo to an Evil Overlord'. Then take a test.

In a more serious vein, fantasy has taught me that only fools and bigots consider it escapist: at its heart, every genre of fantasy and science fiction can hold a brutal, beautiful mirror to reality.

RichardFlea · 07-09-2012, 08:45 AM

Currency has no weight or volume. So go ahead, take those 1000 gold pieces that weighs 50 kilos and jingles so much you sound like a herd of goats.

Even though there are many different currencies there is no need to carry more than one. Everyone accepts everyone elses without question, and at equal rates of exchange. (Bonus)

Metal armour never makes a sound, even if it is chain mail or has never been oiled or maintained.

Any route between two cities involves a auduous, solitary, dangerous, life threatening passage, even though it is a common trading route that should be used by thousands of people a day.

If per chance, you do find a trade route used by thousands of people a day, you cannot use it in case you are seen. This is despite it being used by mercenary guards who look exactly like you.

You don't need to be good at languages. They will always understand you or a translator will miraculously appear when you need one, and he will just happen to speak both languages.

No matter where you eat, how dirty the dishes are, what you eat or how rotten it is, you will never get dysentry.

Every town and hamlet has a tavern. Every tavern has a spare room to let, edible food and plentiful alcohol, (regardless of famine, war or pestilence). Service is guaranteed despite race, religion, language, sex, clothing and that nasty rash on your arm that looks like the plague.

Every customs official is corruptible with a simple bribe. Makes them a bit pointless, really, but they do not seem to mind.

Even though you may be the most religious person in your party (that powerful, high priest mage dude), you never once have to pray, offer sacrifice or attent a church service to your God.

Every castle has a dungeon. Every dungeon has a dragon, no wait, that is a different game...

Most of all, no matter how many pages pass, it will all turn out in the end. Everyone really does live happily ever after, unless they are evil, but then, they were never happy to begin with. Really, you are only doing them a service by putting them out of their depressing, friendless and joyless lives.

Rob_In_MN · 07-10-2012, 10:44 PM

I will just provide a link:

http://www.eviloverlord.com/lists/overlord.html

Filigree · 07-10-2012, 11:57 PM

Thank you. I saw it in the mid-90s.

Morgan · 08-11-2012, 08:03 AM

1 if a king is murdered its almost always their brother, even though everyone blames their son (which is completely logical)

2 in a group there is always two members who hate each other but are still friends

3 The hero never has both parents or if they do, they are out of the picture and never missed

4 beasts are always bigger in other worlds than in our own

5 ALL step family is evil though one step sibling is less evil than the other and sometimes feels a twinge of sympathy but doesn't act on it

6 the bad guys have cooler and more menacing looking weapons

07-04-2008, 01:16 AM	#78
Memnon624 A Boy and his Orc . . . Join Date: Dec 2005 Location: Southern USA Posts: 329	If a village in the backwater of the kingdom has a heterogenous mix of human racial types, it must be Good; if it doesn't, it's Evil. The big cross on the cleric's tabard obviously means he's the first-aid specialist. Clerics can't draw blood. Really? I guess the Crusades were just one big club-fest . . . If you have an uncle, he's a vicious bastard who should be dispatched with alacrity before he causes you problems. __________________ Scott Oden Out Now: THE LION OF CAIRO ". . . Reads like a cross between the Arabian Nights and a Hollywood blockbuster. Memnon* and* *Men of Bronze* put Mr. Oden squarely on the hist/fiction map. *The Lion of Cairo* assures his place in the very front rank."-- Steven Pressfield (*Gates of Fire) Coming Soon: SERPENT OF HELLAS* I Blog!

07-04-2008, 07:15 PM	#79
Ardellis tortures make-believe people Join Date: Apr 2005 Location: Halloweentown Posts: 242	Pay extremely close attention to the description of any magical item you come across. Especially if you aim to purchase it. If there is any possibility of a loophole, it will bite you in the ass. Example: the grappling hook that is guaranteed to catch on the first throw. Too bad it never catches again after that. __________________ Never turn down tea. That's how wars get started.

06-14-2012, 09:00 AM	#80
TTCleveland A Grumpy Old Owl Join Date: Jun 2008 Location: Michigan Posts: 988	That it's perfectly normal to have an entire planet with one religion, language, and government. __________________ "Tyranny, like hell, is not easily conquered; yet we have this consolation with us, that the harder the conflict, the more glorious the triumph." http://erenor.com - Looking for beta testers for Erenor: The Rise of the Sun King

06-14-2012, 01:44 PM	#81
Slamhamster figuring it all out Join Date: Feb 2011 Location: The sunny climes of Barnsley, South Yorkshire. No, I've never worked 'darnt pit' or had a Kestrel. Posts: 50	Any MC that attends a school of either magic or combat will become the star pupil, just like the antagonist did several years before. A poultice of herbs can cure anything short of actual amputation. __________________ Blog: http://thespiralarm.wordpress.com/

06-15-2012, 12:20 PM	#84
third person She blinded me--with magic! Join Date: Sep 2009 Location: In my head. Posts: 861	Crush your enemies, see them driven before you, bask in the lamentations of their women = profit __________________ "My beauty shalt wilt, unseen, save for twin black eyes that shalt come to take my soul to peace...or Hell for company."

07-04-2008, 12:36 AM	#76
shawkins Puts the fun in function calls. AW Paladin Join Date: Jul 2006 Location: The business end of a habanero pepper IV Posts: 2,745	Women like metal lingerie because it's comfy and practical.

06-15-2012, 05:43 AM	#82
LadyV Photo Bomb! Join Date: Jun 2012 Location: Pittsburgh Posts: 1,456	Any woman who fights creatures of the night must wear black leather.

06-15-2012, 11:42 AM	#83
Teinz Loves it when a plan comes together Join Date: Oct 2010 Location: The Netherlands Posts: 1,299	Love will lure you to the Dark Side... Ehm, no, it is the only thing capable of conquering the Dark Lord... Scratch that, it merely keeps you going when you're the Ring Bearer... Or it is an instrument of the Divine, which plays with us for it's own purposes... It is the defining quality of the One.... Ehm....

06-15-2012, 12:42 PM	#85
thepicpic I am student- hear me snore! Join Date: Jun 2011 Location: South Yorks. England Posts: 375	If somebody opposes you, jab a knife in their back because it'll hurt them more if they don't see it coming. If that doesn't work, go for the eyes. Everyone is too honourable to strike below the belt.

06-16-2012, 02:09 AM	#86
Shirokirie May or May not be useful... Join Date: Oct 2010 Location: Dyjian Posts: 1,379	Nothing is Impossible. __________________ The Kingdom of Ecstasy [OMG PEOPLE LIKE IT!] (I am SO about to faint!~) "Skyrim: if you put enough manglitter on any restrictive POS, of course it gets GOTY." A Public Service Announcement Snips

06-16-2012, 05:56 AM	#87
Death Wizard Tumhe na koci puujetha Join Date: Mar 2007 Location: South Carolina Posts: 5,125	Weakling goofballs will win out in the end because the ball will always bounce their way in the climax. No matter how dire the situation, something good will happen -- often through dialogue -- that will right the ship. Love and laughter -- weaklings through the first 900 pages -- will rise to the occasion in the final 100. __________________ Author of The Death Wizard Chronicles, a six-book epic fantasy. Book 1 (Forged In Death) is now available for purchase on bellebooks.com, amazon.com and other venues. Also, Book 2 (Chained By Fear) is now available here. And a pair of DW short stories (Torg's First Death and The Black Fortress) also is available for free. www.jim-melvin.com; www.amazon.com/author/jimmelvin ; www.deathwizardchronicles.blogspot.com; facebook "It is better to conquer yourself than to win a thousand battles. Then the victory is yours. It cannot be taken from you, not by angels or by demons, heaven or hell." -- The Buddha

06-16-2012, 06:40 AM	#88
Civic Isosceles Triangle Expert Join Date: Jun 2012 Location: Australia Posts: 61	There's nothing more exciting than the ultimate crescendo of battle between good and evil.

06-16-2012, 10:03 AM	#89
Johnny Von Rotten Classy Join Date: Jun 2012 Posts: 61	Nothing has to happen for at least 50 pages. __________________ "If you dream the proper dreams, and share the myths with people, they will want to grow up to be like you." - Ray Bradbury Twitter, @johnnyvonrotten

06-16-2012, 07:16 PM	#91
Lhipenwhe Moving with my soul, step by step Join Date: Jan 2012 Location: Saint Paul Posts: 524	That love is stronger than hate and can ignite stars. That all tears not be those of sorrow. Heroes don't need to be strong, or ultra-macho alphas, or fearless, just being willing to stand up to adversity. And that the happiest endings are ones someone worked for, instead of just falling into someone's lap. __________________ Whether regret, or love, or revenge or fear - whatever you believe can change the nature of a man, can. -The Nameless One, Planescape: Torment Ensoulment (First Draft): Editing (113,000)

06-23-2012, 04:05 AM	#92
Martin Persson figuring it all out Join Date: Aug 2011 Location: The Norse Posts: 63	Dark Lords should never have children because their sons will turn on them and their daughters will fall in love with a hero. __________________ I typeset my manuscript in LaTeX.

06-23-2012, 05:39 AM	#93
Filigree nobody's sidekick Join Date: Jul 2010 Location: between rising apes and falling angels Posts: 6,389	Dark Lords should all read 'Memo to an Evil Overlord'. Then take a test. In a more serious vein, fantasy has taught me that only fools and bigots consider it escapist: at its heart, every genre of fantasy and science fiction can hold a brutal, beautiful mirror to reality. __________________ Blog in progress (with buy links): http://www.cranehanabooks.com/blog works in progress: MORO'S SHIELD MORO'S CROWN LEOPARD'S LEAP (working title) BLOODSHADOW untitled Foodie Spy erotic romance RUNNER AND WALKER (working title) UNSTRUNG

07-09-2012, 08:45 AM	#94
RichardFlea Foo! Join Date: Sep 2011 Location: At home - Adelaide (if you know where that is!) Posts: 451	Currency has no weight or volume. So go ahead, take those 1000 gold pieces that weighs 50 kilos and jingles so much you sound like a herd of goats. Even though there are many different currencies there is no need to carry more than one. Everyone accepts everyone elses without question, and at equal rates of exchange. (Bonus) Metal armour never makes a sound, even if it is chain mail or has never been oiled or maintained. Any route between two cities involves a auduous, solitary, dangerous, life threatening passage, even though it is a common trading route that should be used by thousands of people a day. If per chance, you do find a trade route used by thousands of people a day, you cannot use it in case you are seen. This is despite it being used by mercenary guards who look exactly like you. You don't need to be good at languages. They will always understand you or a translator will miraculously appear when you need one, and he will just happen to speak both languages. No matter where you eat, how dirty the dishes are, what you eat or how rotten it is, you will never get dysentry. Every town and hamlet has a tavern. Every tavern has a spare room to let, edible food and plentiful alcohol, (regardless of famine, war or pestilence). Service is guaranteed despite race, religion, language, sex, clothing and that nasty rash on your arm that looks like the plague. Every customs official is corruptible with a simple bribe. Makes them a bit pointless, really, but they do not seem to mind. Even though you may be the most religious person in your party (that powerful, high priest mage dude), you never once have to pray, offer sacrifice or attent a church service to your God. Every castle has a dungeon. Every dungeon has a dragon, no wait, that is a different game... Most of all, no matter how many pages pass, it will all turn out in the end. Everyone really does live happily ever after, unless they are evil, but then, they were never happy to begin with. Really, you are only doing them a service by putting them out of their depressing, friendless and joyless lives.

07-10-2012, 10:44 PM	#95
Rob_In_MN Newb for life Join Date: Sep 2007 Location: Minnesota Posts: 143	I will just provide a link: http://www.eviloverlord.com/lists/overlord.html __________________ “The greater danger for most of us lies not in setting our aim too high and falling short; but in setting our aim too low, and achieving our mark.” - Michelangelo

07-10-2012, 11:57 PM	#96
Filigree nobody's sidekick Join Date: Jul 2010 Location: between rising apes and falling angels Posts: 6,389	Thank you. I saw it in the mid-90s. __________________ Blog in progress (with buy links): http://www.cranehanabooks.com/blog works in progress: MORO'S SHIELD MORO'S CROWN LEOPARD'S LEAP (working title) BLOODSHADOW untitled Foodie Spy erotic romance RUNNER AND WALKER (working title) UNSTRUNG

08-11-2012, 08:03 AM	#97
Morgan That quirky girl Join Date: Jun 2011 Location: North Carolina Posts: 11	1 if a king is murdered its almost always their brother, even though everyone blames their son (which is completely logical) 2 in a group there is always two members who hate each other but are still friends 3 The hero never has both parents or if they do, they are out of the picture and never missed 4 beasts are always bigger in other worlds than in our own 5 ALL step family is evil though one step sibling is less evil than the other and sometimes feels a twinge of sympathy but doesn't act on it 6 the bad guys have cooler and more menacing looking weapons

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