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#4451 |
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Assume Good Intentions
SuperModerator
Join Date: May 2007
Location: between the 1 and the 0
Posts: 15,317
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5. Hey, I turned your diary into a bestseller. You should read it... oh, wait.
Rejected verses for the 12 days of Christmas.
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"Assume Good Intentions." Read the Newbie Guide. "I Found A Knife" "We're writers; we own our words. Please choose them to add light and not just heat." "Bad advice is cunning because it dresses up as whatever it is new writers want to hear." -- Alex Adams |
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#4452 |
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Talk to the hat
Join Date: Apr 2012
Location: British Columbia, Canada
Posts: 1,105
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1. On the first day of Christmas
My true love gave to me A nooner with her girlfriend... |
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#4453 |
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come in, all you jesters
SuperModerator
Join Date: Apr 2005
Location: enter, all you fools
Posts: 19,903
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2. On the ninth day of Christmas, my true love gave to me
the same damn fruitcake I gave HER last year.
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8. Rewrite until it stops being a horrible incoherent mess (in other people's opinion, because what do I know). -- RichardGarfinkle |
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#4454 |
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You're out of your tree...
Join Date: Jul 2011
Location: The dark side of the moon, making sinister plans...
Posts: 5,406
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3. On the first day of Christmas, my true love gave to me, a goddam partridge in a fucking pear tree that I can't do anything with because I live in a freaking apartment!!!!
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" My father says that almost the whole world is asleep. Everybody you know. Everybody you see. Everybody you talk to. He says that only a few people are awake and they live in a state of constant total amazement." ~ from 'Joe vs the Volcano' |
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#4455 |
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I'm the nude girl; not the creature
Join Date: Aug 2012
Location: away from my clothes
Posts: 611
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4) 27 tubes of toothpaste...
26 flourescent light bulbs Twenty-five dollar amazon gift certificate 24 low-fat soy lattes 23 downloaded ring-tones....
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You want to believe me. |
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#4456 |
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Practical experience FTW
Join Date: Oct 2011
Location: GMT
Posts: 3,588
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5. On the last day of Christmas, my true love gave to me her lawyer's contact details.
Papers' headlines the day after it was decided to abolish Christmas Last edited by Robbert; 11-19-2012 at 03:02 PM. Reason: apostrophe |
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#4457 |
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DANG!
Join Date: May 2009
Location: 7th Heaven
Posts: 13,503
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1. The Grinch Actually Got Away With It This Time
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"Some day, and that day may never come, I will call upon you to do a service for me - Don Vito Corleone .................................................. .................................................. ..........
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#4458 |
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practical experience, FTW
Join Date: Feb 2009
Location: Fargo
Posts: 3,257
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2. Bah, humbug!
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It's time to use the big hammer
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#4459 |
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You're out of your tree...
Join Date: Jul 2011
Location: The dark side of the moon, making sinister plans...
Posts: 5,406
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3. Santa Arrested! Slave labor ring is uncovered in North Pole.
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" My father says that almost the whole world is asleep. Everybody you know. Everybody you see. Everybody you talk to. He says that only a few people are awake and they live in a state of constant total amazement." ~ from 'Joe vs the Volcano' |
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#4460 | |
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!
Join Date: Jan 2009
Location: Mexico
Posts: 5,477
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4. Love is still in the air! Great Pre-Valentine Sale!
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#4461 |
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practical experience, FTW
Join Date: Feb 2009
Location: Fargo
Posts: 3,257
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5. New "Elf" Movie Stopped, Mayans Appeased, World Saved!!
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It's time to use the big hammer
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#4462 |
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practical experience, FTW
Join Date: Feb 2009
Location: Fargo
Posts: 3,257
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Holiday gifts for your boss that unintentionally may cause your dismissal
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It's time to use the big hammer
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#4463 |
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You're out of your tree...
Join Date: Jul 2011
Location: The dark side of the moon, making sinister plans...
Posts: 5,406
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1. The book 'How to Win Friends and Influence People'
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" My father says that almost the whole world is asleep. Everybody you know. Everybody you see. Everybody you talk to. He says that only a few people are awake and they live in a state of constant total amazement." ~ from 'Joe vs the Volcano' |
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#4464 |
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come in, all you jesters
SuperModerator
Join Date: Apr 2005
Location: enter, all you fools
Posts: 19,903
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2. A pink slip... with lace accents.
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8. Rewrite until it stops being a horrible incoherent mess (in other people's opinion, because what do I know). -- RichardGarfinkle |
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#4465 |
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You're out of your tree...
Join Date: Jul 2011
Location: The dark side of the moon, making sinister plans...
Posts: 5,406
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3. A nose hair trimmer.
__________________
" My father says that almost the whole world is asleep. Everybody you know. Everybody you see. Everybody you talk to. He says that only a few people are awake and they live in a state of constant total amazement." ~ from 'Joe vs the Volcano' |
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#4466 |
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Assume Good Intentions
SuperModerator
Join Date: May 2007
Location: between the 1 and the 0
Posts: 15,317
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4. Got him that gift certificate for that topless place. You know the one with all the neon? A friend told me that Mandy's the best lap dancer over there, so I got him a certificate for a lap dance with Mandy, one of the private ones. Not sure who was least amused. Him, or his daughter... Mandy.
__________________
"Assume Good Intentions." Read the Newbie Guide. "I Found A Knife" "We're writers; we own our words. Please choose them to add light and not just heat." "Bad advice is cunning because it dresses up as whatever it is new writers want to hear." -- Alex Adams |
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#4467 |
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I rite good
Join Date: Nov 2012
Posts: 129
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5. A gift card for a competing company.
Things not to do while in the doctor's waiting room. |
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#4468 |
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You're out of your tree...
Join Date: Jul 2011
Location: The dark side of the moon, making sinister plans...
Posts: 5,406
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1. Bleed all over the magazines.
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" My father says that almost the whole world is asleep. Everybody you know. Everybody you see. Everybody you talk to. He says that only a few people are awake and they live in a state of constant total amazement." ~ from 'Joe vs the Volcano' |
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#4469 | |
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!
Join Date: Jan 2009
Location: Mexico
Posts: 5,477
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2. Die
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#4470 |
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Assume Good Intentions
SuperModerator
Join Date: May 2007
Location: between the 1 and the 0
Posts: 15,317
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3. The nurse.
__________________
"Assume Good Intentions." Read the Newbie Guide. "I Found A Knife" "We're writers; we own our words. Please choose them to add light and not just heat." "Bad advice is cunning because it dresses up as whatever it is new writers want to hear." -- Alex Adams |
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#4471 |
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come in, all you jesters
SuperModerator
Join Date: Apr 2005
Location: enter, all you fools
Posts: 19,903
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4. Sing "Doctor, Doctor". Well, the Robert Palmer one is okay, just not the Thompson Twins one. (Ever, anywhere.)
__________________
8. Rewrite until it stops being a horrible incoherent mess (in other people's opinion, because what do I know). -- RichardGarfinkle |
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#4472 |
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You're out of your tree...
Join Date: Jul 2011
Location: The dark side of the moon, making sinister plans...
Posts: 5,406
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5. Bite another patient claiming you 'Must Have Blood!'
Thanksgiving traditions you wish would just go away
__________________
" My father says that almost the whole world is asleep. Everybody you know. Everybody you see. Everybody you talk to. He says that only a few people are awake and they live in a state of constant total amazement." ~ from 'Joe vs the Volcano' |
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#4473 |
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Assume Good Intentions
SuperModerator
Join Date: May 2007
Location: between the 1 and the 0
Posts: 15,317
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1. The annual post-dinner humping of the bird carcass.
(Uncle Larry's not right.)
__________________
"Assume Good Intentions." Read the Newbie Guide. "I Found A Knife" "We're writers; we own our words. Please choose them to add light and not just heat." "Bad advice is cunning because it dresses up as whatever it is new writers want to hear." -- Alex Adams |
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#4474 |
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come in, all you jesters
SuperModerator
Join Date: Apr 2005
Location: enter, all you fools
Posts: 19,903
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2. Reading of the screenplay for "The Color Burple". Pardon my French!
__________________
8. Rewrite until it stops being a horrible incoherent mess (in other people's opinion, because what do I know). -- RichardGarfinkle |
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#4475 | |
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!
Join Date: Jan 2009
Location: Mexico
Posts: 5,477
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3. Killing all those poor turkeys! What do you have against Turkmenistan?
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