Your wish is granted...

jaus tail · Aug 28, 2014

Granted. Here's some ketchup and water.

I wish a flood would come in my neighborhood and wash away my school, with all the teachers in it, and drop them on some far away, never heard of, island with giant, mutated crocodiles and anacondas.

slcboston · Aug 28, 2014

Granted.

They all survive and become rich and famous for the rest of their lives, while you seethe in quiet jealousy and continually plot lame plans for revenge that you won't ever bother to actually carry out.

I wish I knew what they were burning two houses over.

PorterStarrByrd · Aug 28, 2014

Granted.
It's the latest batch of meth. Now, if you don't 'become involved' you will be an accessory after the fact. Do you have any idea how much you have to sacrifice to join the witness protection plan, like I did?

I wish I hadn't eaten those last two cartons of coffee coffee coffee buzz buzz buzz ice cream.

khosszu · Aug 28, 2014

Granted. You never ate the ice cream. You smeared it on the walls, and now you have coffee-colored goo dripping off the walls. You're also tired, and realize there's no coffee in the house, which was the reason you ate the ice cream in the first place. You have to clean up before your girlfriend comes home! But yourrrrr soooooooo sleeeeeeepyyyyyyyyyy.......................................................

I wish I never had to sleep again.

Reziac · Aug 29, 2014

Granted. You lick all the coffee ice cream off the walls of Porter's house. That oughta keep you awake for a century or so.

I wish I had a Venus flytrap. Might as well get some use outta all these flies in here.

Nymtoc · Aug 29, 2014

Granted. You have a venus flytrap, but unfortunately it was exposed to radiation in one of those 1950s sci-fi movies. It soon begins to grow and devours much more than flies. What happened to your dog? Have you seen your horse lately? Where's your wife?

I wish I could have had a fling with Cleopatra.

Reziac · Aug 29, 2014

Granted! You are now Marc Antony. And we all know how that turned out.

I wish I was a Roman god.

iLion · Aug 29, 2014

Granted Nym! I've arranged for you and Cleopatra (that sweet, albeit toothless and derranged, outhouse scrubbing woman down at the Coal Miner's Saloon) to dance the Highland Fling together. I'm sure the guys are gonna love seeing that!

I wish I was the smartest guy alive.

iLion · Aug 29, 2014

Oops! Srry Reziac. I hereby retract my 'gift' to Nymtoc.

Shazzam! You're now a roamin' god looking desperately for a world to rule.

I wish I could speak 48 languages.

Nymtoc · Aug 29, 2014

Granted. They are the languages spoken on the 48 moons of Planet Globulus, rotating around Star HD 63700 in the Andromeda Galaxy. You will be talking like a native when you get there.

I wish I had a myna that would wake me every morning with a song.

M.S. Wiggins · Aug 29, 2014

Granted, but it's the plop of poop that wakes you.

I wish for snow this Christmas.

iLion · Aug 29, 2014

Was that a gold myna or silver myna or what? No matter... I found you a coal myna who said he'd gladly sing you a song every morning. Do you know the words to "She'll Be Comin' 'Round the Mountain"?

I wish I knew what to wish for next.

M.S. Wiggins · Aug 29, 2014

Wish for snow with me?

Reziac · Aug 29, 2014

Granted. However to achieve this you will be magically whisked to a mountaintop in Montana, where it snowed to beat hell this week. (Really!) Whether it'll still be there come Christmas... if the Weather Service can't predict the weather 5 months down the pike, how do you expect Genie to do so??!

I wish all my share of snow this winter would go to M.S. Wiggins.

M.S. Wiggins · Aug 29, 2014

Granted, I'll take it, smile, and remember Reziac fondly.

I wish Reziac's next wish would really come true...make it good one.

PorterStarrByrd · Aug 30, 2014

Denied
Just because it seems like a good idea

I wish I wasn't going to Hell

Nymtoc · Aug 30, 2014

Denied!

Why do you waste your energy on wishes that you know cannot be granted? The moving finger writes, and in your case, it has writ. :evil

I wish I had a personal chef.

Reziac · Aug 30, 2014

Granted. Reziac is now your personal chef. You don't want to know about Reziac's cooking, or how often Rez licks the spoon.

I wish M.S. Wiggins' ~~last~~ previous wish would come true.

jaus tail · Aug 30, 2014

Denied. Wish for yourself but don't put the gun on someone else's shoulder and shoot. Toughen up dude and own your wish, instead of making the wish for someone else. The nerve some people have.

I wish I were a godzilla.

PorterStarrByrd · Aug 30, 2014

Granted
You're now Godzilla. You're still 5'4 and 163 pounds and you're about to spend a whole lot of time getting your driver's license and a bunch of other stuff changed to your new name. On top of that you don't strike much fear in the average man on the street.

I wish nymtoc had more than a thimbleful of self respect. See I'm here to help you out, buddy.

Nymtoc · Aug 30, 2014

Wish does not compute. Nymtoc already has more self-respect than you can shake a stick at.

I wish I had a stick to shake at Porter.

M.S. Wiggins · Aug 30, 2014

Granted. Here's a wand for you to shake.

I wish (sincerely hope) Nymtoc knows a few Latin spells to mutter while waving that wand.

Nymtoc · Aug 30, 2014

Granted. Nymtoc can say vice versa, tempus fugit, and e pluribus unum, but he isn't sure how to use them.

I wish I had a pineapple, right now!

PorterStarrByrd · Aug 31, 2014

Ganted
... if you don't duck

I wish I hadn't stayed up until two in the morning watching a 62-13 football game.

Nymtoc · Aug 31, 2014

Granted. You didn't stay up to watch Oregon beat the tar out of South Dakota, and if you're smart, you won't do that sort of thing again. Anyway, Oregon's uniforms look like something made by a demented ex-Hollywood couturier.

I wish I would have no unpleasant surprises today.

Your wish is granted...

Pasture-ized

nutruring tomorrows criminals today

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Resident Alien

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Resident Alien

Why do I say these things?

Why do I say these things?

Benefactor Member

"The Moving Finger writes..."

Why do I say these things?

"The Moving Finger writes..."

Resident Alien

"The Moving Finger writes..."

nutruring tomorrows criminals today

Benefactor Member

Resident Alien

nutruring tomorrows criminals today

Benefactor Member

"The Moving Finger writes..."

Benefactor Member

nutruring tomorrows criminals today

Benefactor Member