Age discrepancy in YA romance

Two years, and they're both still in high school? Probably not that big of a deal, though I can remember similar relationships being gossiped about a little when I was in HS. The little age gaps are a bigger deal in school than as an adult--the separation of classrooms, legal privileges, etc.

I was 20 and my future husband was 28 when we started dating. We joke about how creepy the age gap would have been at an earlier time in our lives. "I was sixteen when that happened!" "I was eight and don't remember it..."

More gossip worthy would be HS/college relationships, or scandalous teacher/student principal/student relationships, for obvious reasons!

Two years won't put anyone off, I believe. If you look at The Vampire Academy series (paranormal high school), you have a 17-y.o. and a 24 y.o. falling in love and people still cheered them on

Many sophomore girls in my HS in the 80s dated seniors (including me) and no one thought twice about it.

They probably would have looked oddly at a senior girl dating a sophomore boy, though, double-standards being what they are.

I agree with everyone else. When I was a teen and girls dated older boys, I thought it was kind of scandalous and sort of thought "who does she think she is?? And can he not do any better??" but I was sort of prudish and snobbish, lol!

dancing-drama said:

Two years won't put anyone off, I believe. If you look at The Vampire Academy series (paranormal high school), you have a 17-y.o. and a 24 y.o. falling in love and people still cheered them on

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I have always been a little surprised by this. I have found that age difference in VA a little creepy for me. I must admit that I did, in fact, date a 24yr old when I was 17, but looking back, it was highly inappropriate, and I cannot fathom what an adult man wanted in a child in high school.

It's fairly common to have that kind of an age gap...as to how long the relationship lasts, well...

paintitreadbooks said:

I have always been a little surprised by this. I have found that age difference in VA a little creepy for me. I must admit that I did, in fact, date a 24yr old when I was 17, but looking back, it was highly inappropriate, and I cannot fathom what an adult man wanted in a child in high school.

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Ha! I always internally change Dimitri's age to 21, which I'm apparently totally cool with.

I also dated a 24 year old when I was 17, and in hindsight I have to think "why didn't he want to date someone his own age?" He had to go to prom with me (yes, really!). SMH.

CAMueller said:

I also dated a 24 year old when I was 17, and in hindsight I have to think "why didn't he want to date someone his own age?" He had to go to prom with me (yes, really!). SMH.

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17 was only a few short years ago for me, and I have to say that I always thought the guys who had 3+ years on me were the most interesting to me. All the babyfaced boys my age just annoyed the crap out of me. I never bothered much to think about the age of the guys (20-23 y.o.) I usually liked to spend my time with, because those were the ones that didn't make me feel too grown-up/quiet/boring for my age.
It's definitely a matter of character, I think...
When I was 18, however, I had this short thing with a 28-year-old, and I think, in hindsight, that was kind of creepy.

I think 2yrs older is the sweet spot for YA really. But by 12 I couldn't fathom why anyone would like a teenage, teenage boy. 17 and older was always what I liked, always. So, I always push the age of the male LI's.

In high school it was always a positive thing for a girl to date an older guy. I remember a few of the girls having boyfriends in college and it significantly upped their mystique socially. Like, hmm. really?? *interested*
But I only went to school for junior and senior year, so they were all 17 and 18yo girls pretty much.

I feel like half the books I pick up lately have a high school girl with a college-aged love interest. A sophomore/senior romance wouldn't have registered as scandalous to me in high school, and it doesn't to me now (all other factors being equal). I do find I'm becoming more of a protective parental-type in that I think a little less of college-aged love interests who show zero hesitation about starting a relationship with somebody who's still in high school. To me that should at least be one of those conversations you make sure to have at the outset of a relationship.

I think people would view a two year age difference--with the guy being older--as fairly normal. Although I do often feel that there's some implied power dynamic when this is the case. Like the younger person has achieved something by dating the older one, as if they are more mature and attractive by association.

But I doubt anyone--teen or older--would view that age difference as a problem.

Way back when I was in high school (in Aust. but the age groupings are similar) there were very few same-year relationships for the lower grades. To be honest, I suspect this was because very few of the lower grade boys were all that interested in dating / school romances. Where as for the girls it was one of the major topics. Also I suspect for the younger girls it was also somewhat a case of 'fresh meat', as they'd grown up in primary school with the same boys and all of a sudden at high school there were all these new boys to crush on.

So to answer the question, I would consider a 2yr age difference in high school to be pretty standard from my experiences.

I'm in high school and this is a totally normal thing that happens. As long as the older one isn't over, like, 20 at the most, people will generally not have any problems. (There are a lot of gray areas though - a 16 year old dating a 23 year old is a lot different from even, say, a 19 year old.) Good luck

Ugh, I just found out a guy I went to school with (so he's my age, 23) is dating my mom's friend's daughter, who is 17. It grosses me out XD but probably just because I know them. And I know him. And he's kinda icky...

And I just totally weirded myself out because I realized that the first guy I ever kissed was 23 and I was 17. WHELP. THERE GOES THE NEIGHBOURHOOD.

A two-year difference when both are in highschool wouldn't be too much. A four or five year difference might get concerned looks. My college-age (female) friends warn me about relationships like that: "There's a reason those guys aren't dating girls their age." and so on.

I definitely find it appropriate for a sophomore to date a senior! I graduated two years ago, and I think it's always been a pretty common thing for people to date within a 2 year age gap.

But like a lot of people have already stated, it's normal to high school teens.

It depends a lot on the specifics of the two who are dating and their situations. For some a big difference in age might be perfectly natural and healthy, in others even a couple of years might be a big problem.

In general though, the greater the age difference the more problems will show up, and the greater the problems will be. Problems will also show up when the lovers are in two different situations, one in HS and the other in college, for instance. Or one in HS and the other in the military, even if the ages are only a year or two apart.

Lastly, IN GENERAL but certainly not always, girls are a little more socially mature than boys at the same age, so a girl dating an older boy causes fewer problems than vice versa.

I wouldn't be so much concerned with what teens would think of an age difference like this. Yes, if it were your best friend dating an older boy, it would be the talk of the halls, but in a book, especially the ones that don't take place in the 'real world', it wouldn't be so much of a scandal.

What I would be concerned about are the parents of the children who read these stories. So many times, I think people look through their kids' books just to try and find things that would offend them.

Just remember, it's that crowd you'll have to watch out for too.

I think it's more about where people are in their lives, because when I was 19 my boyfriend was 28, but he was a "student" who traveled abroad a lot. When I was 28, I wouldn't touch a 19 year old with a ten foot pole... but that's because we'd have so little in common. So I think there's leeway with people who aren't totally established, students and whatnot, because they can find that common ground.

The MC in my book is 16 and her LI is 20, which seems not-gross to me, but I also think that it depends a lot on the maturity of the characters. The other MC is NOT MATURE enough to handle that kind of age difference.