Most, maybe all, writers put themselves into the fiction they write, but they put themselves in as they see themselves, not necessarily as they really are. But one person's shallow, horrible person is often another person's wonderful human being. Such judgments are usually highly subjective. I'd be willing to bet the writer you think is an ass and shallow has many friends and family who love him to death.
Having said all of this, why in God's name would anyone think book and writer have anything to do with each other? An actor is in every movie he makes, but this does not, in any way, mean the movie is about him, or reflects, in any way, shape, or form, who he actually is.
But people get crushes on movie stars all the time, which strikes me as the very definition of shallow, or in the best possible light, hopelessly naive.
And writer or movie star, too many fans think being a fan means friendship is automatic. It doesn't. It means I'm glad you like my writing, I really, really appreciate it, but I already have friends and family. Family usually comes without choice, and friendship comes because of happenstance and like-minded people you get thrown together with.
Fandom does not mean long conversations, or sharing intimate secrets, or meeting for coffee, or campaigning together to save the whales, or, of course, reading manuscripts. Expecting anything other than Thank you for the nice comments is too much.
Really, I got to know him a little? It makes me wonder what he thinks abut you?