I just wrote out my life story in a post and then thought better of it. I'm just really struggling right now. Hi, all...
Last edited:
Good advice. I've been spoiling myself all year. As a reward for the hellish three years which preceded it.
I'm just finding that the very end of the journey is harder than the rest of it combined. I don't know why?
No. Life isn't over at 50. I was referring to my journey to #AuthenticSelf <<it's so trendy, it needed a hashtag. (-:
I went from married 25 years, to cuckold, to dealing with childhood sexual abuse trauma, to coming out...to now, where I am ALMOST fully out and in an extremely happy relationship. Things are settling down in my new authenticself life. And I am also feeling like things are at their hardest right now...like, as my journey pulls up to the bumper of authenticity I am at my most vulnerable.
*hugs* No matter how well we deal with these things, they'll still be there to be dealt with. There'll be good days and bad days. You've already achieved a lot.
It can be scary when things are going well. I know a lot of the time when I'm happy I catch myself wondering if another life-ruining event's round the corner, but I try and tell myself that I deserve to enjoy it. You do too.
If you ever need to vent to a stranger, feel free to message me.
Just wanted to add something, maybe as a point of discussion.
I thought telling people was hard. But then I got to this comfort level...but I realized I was more comfortable with them seeing it as a concept than seeing me in a relationship. It's like coming out all over again when I try to deal with being in a relationship and telling people. There comes this point where I just want to share my happiness. But please understand, my brain is retarded in the 1983 concept of gay. I got beat up a LOT in high school...just for being a suspected 'fag'. And it was even worse going home every day. So, with this personal self-hatred seething on the inside...based in this 1980s brain-freeze...I'm finding it hard to go from out to with someone. Like people who were okay with me being out are going to suddenly writhe in shock at the concept of me ACTUALLY acting on things. Concept to reality. There is a door locked in front of me and no key...
Thanks. I could use those.
How did I get to be 48 years old? I feel like I'm 12, mostly. Ack. I wish I knew how to stop this ride...
<snip. It can be scary when things are going well. I know a lot of the time when I'm happy I catch myself wondering if another life-ruining event's round the corner, but I try and tell myself that I deserve to enjoy it. You do too.<snip>