Obviously, I know that . It was written by a 13 year old after all, I doubt it would be at all publishable! ^^What satisfies a teacher and what satisfies a potential publisher are often two very different things.
That semi-colon's not actually in my document but a typo :s my bad, I should have copied and pasted but my baby has run off with the mouse. I see what you mean. It's not her PoV but her bestfriends. To him her voice sounds disappointed but he knows she tries to hide her emotions. I'll work on that .I'm curious about what she was trying to hit with a dishcloth, but this has POV problems (and a rogue semi-colon. Should be a comma). The phrase "unable to hide the disappointment in her voice" sounds like Teegan's POV, but "She glowered at the dishcloth as though it was at fault" is definitely an observation from outside her POV.
I know people say you shouldn't start with waking up however you should start where the story starts and not with mundane, nothing happening scences. I cut all the story that was before this scene as this is where the story starts.I think you're trying to a little too hard for drama here. And it has one more strike against it -- it's a waking-up opening, which are pretty much toxic to agents and editors, simply because they see so many of them in the slush pile.
I'm still trying to think of an alternative, since it's in first draft there's plenty of room for improvement.
Thank you for your comments . It's good to have an opinion on them.