Tell me to mind my own business, but, shouldn't fair, be, fare.
or“LIAR!” screamed the flame Elf. As he raised his arms and arched his back to hurl the fireball, I sent four of the six water spikes in his direction. Every spike silently met their mark. Two spikes to the head and two to the chest. Life was instantly taken from his body. Following the momentum of the spikes, the body fell over to one side, extinguishing the fireball.
Instantly, the Queen threw her back against the wall and crawled up to the ceiling, where she stayed. Her eyes rolled to the back of her head. Her head flew back and her jaw shot open, splitting her cheeks as it ripped. Without moving her lips, out came a deep scratchy voice.
He wondered, as he stood in the elevator damp, shirtless and modeling a large bulge in his pants, just how much Eugene the doorman would laugh at him on his way out.
[/FONT][FONT="]His expression changed as quickly as a shadow falling over a sunlit courtyard.
Thanks Papaya. That's very kind of you to say.This is beautiful, poetic writing and more than worth of this thread.
That's a nice action scene but you left us hanging. What happens????? Want more please.All these references to the sea made me think of this scene:
Interesting, PandaMan, that you criticized one of my sentences for containing seven nouns, saying that was too many for a reader to keep track of. Then you post this sample of favorite lines you've written, where the first sentence contains eight nouns, and the third contains ten. So, I guess it's not a goose and gander thing?
(Not picking a fight; just having some fun.)
This made me smile. Love it. Thanks for sharing."...came upon an adorable little old man in lederhosen named Hans. The man, not the lederhosen, which were in fact named Arnold."
And then much later in the story,
"It was an adorable little old man in lederhosen named Arnold. The lederhosen, not the man, who as you know was called Hans."
Did you copy and paste the excerpts from a word processor? That will override the default font.
Eyes downcast, he stared for a moment in utter confusion. But soon realized, to his horror, that it was his own hand that lay there. Still warm, and unattached. On the cold concrete, in front of him.
The camera adds ten pounds. And so does cake.
"He had turned off the lights and lit a number of white pillar candles around the room, shocking her with his disregard for fire safety and reckless use of storm supplies."
Thanks, Stephanie! It happens around the middle of my first chapter. Unfortunately, at the moment, I'm getting torn to shreds about my opening to that chapter by the folks of Sci-fi/Fantasy SYW "Hook Me In The First 200 Words" thread, lol. Ah well, all for the sake of improvement. Sadly, one of my beta readers actually 'predicted' that I would have to revamp the first chapter, so they must be right. He told me that once he got past that chapter, the second chapter and on was what really kept him reading. So there's hope, at least.
Thanks!Made me snort.