Asexuality

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TMCan

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I'm kind of nervous about writing one of the supporting characters of my novel. She is the goddess of fertility and finds it ironic to be that and be asexual. As a straight girl I am nervous of how I am portraying her. There is one scene where she explains asexuality to the main character, then nothing else is really said about her sexuality. She teasingly flirts with a guy that she is close friends with, but neither takes it seriously.

Are there any tips to make sure I am not treating my character nor her sexuality offensively?
 

veinglory

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I think that given that you are not having her asexuality be because she is defective and you are not having it limit her options... you're probably good.
 

frimble3

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She's an actual goddess of fertility? To my mind, that's nothing to do with sexuality, really. Reproduction in early organisms was asexual, single-celled organisms and some plants etc, still do it. Fertility is about reproduction, sex is only part of that.
If she was the goddess of love, or sex, that might be harder to explain, but an asexual goddess of fertility seems reasonable.
 

veinglory

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It doesn't have to be 100% in overlap to have "something" to do with it. The ideas are conflated in culture not entirely without reason because a great many people experience them in a certain sequence. The only error IMHO is in assuming that association is ubiquitous. Because: normal species diversity.
 

lunasspecto

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Are there any tips to make sure I am not treating my character nor her sexuality offensively?
As an asexual person and someone who has observed a lot of conversations about asexuality as it appears in fiction, I'd say the most common problems in fictional representations of asexuality are these:

  • There are so few asexual characters that asexual people still grow up not knowing asexuality exists, and thinking that they're alone
  • Asexuality is treated as a sign that a character is somehow not entirely human
  • Asexuality is treated as an effect of illness or disability
  • Asexuality is treated as a problem that requires a solution, or as a sign of a problem
  • Asexuality is shown or implied to be a lie covering a secret about one's sexuality
  • All asexual people are assumed to have the same attitudes toward intimate relationships, sex, or physical contact in general
So you're already past the first item there, and if you avoid the rest of them that's a good start.

If you want to make sure you're getting it right I recommend including asexual beta readers in your revision process.
 
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StormChord

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I'm also asexual, and I think it sounds like you're doing fine for now. Lunasspecto covered most of what I wanted to say, so here's the rest:

The thing I've found it's hardest for sexual people to understand is the difference between asexual and aromantic. Your fertility goddess might not have an interest in having sex for sex's sake, but she might still fall in love with people. And, to further confuse matters, her romantic orientation could be almost anything.

And one more thing you might want to be careful of; I've found that most asexual people don't necessarily think of sex as gross or icky, which is one of the stereotypes of asexuality - instead, the general opinion appears to be "that's cool, but it's really not my thing." This, too, baffles many sexual people.

So yeah. Have fun, thanks for representing. :)
 

Roxxsmom

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I've found that most asexual people don't necessarily think of sex as gross or icky, which is one of the stereotypes of asexuality - instead, the general opinion appears to be "that's cool, but it's really not my thing." This, too, baffles many sexual people.

:)

Given how much time and energy sexual people often give to pursuing and thinking about sex (though there's a spectrum there too), this may not be so surprising. It can often be harder to understand someone's simple indifference to something one is passionate about than it is their hatred.

And of course, there's the extra dimension, because there are some very outspoken "sex negative" people in the world who really do find sex disgusting or embarrassing or immoral and who seek to punish people (most especially women) who pursue and enjoy it. Though I'd lay money that the vast majority of these folks are not asexual at all.

This forum is really useful to me, because it's really helped me to come closer to understanding and empathizing with experiences I've either misunderstood or not thought enough about before.
 
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J.S.F.

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The longer I live the more I realize what I diverse and broad spectrum of human behaviour there is out there. When younger, I couldn't understand why people wouldn't be interested in sex. I thought that mindset was for the very old or those who were ill (understandably, as when I have a bad cold or my back condition flares up, doing the beach blanket bingo thing is not high on my list of priorities).

Now, I realize that's just the way it is. Nothing more and nothing less. Cool all around if that's the mindset.
 

lunasspecto

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When younger, I couldn't understand why people wouldn't be interested in sex.
I'm glad that more people are recognizing that this isn't always the case, but I've found that for some of us it's a little more subtle than that. Like, interest on the act of sex itself is one thing, and not everyone has that, but even people with some interest in sex might not find anyone sexually attractive. Like, I get the impression that most people have a fairly specific idea of the sort of person they'd most like to have seed with, whereas someone might identify as asexual because for them no-one would come to mind.
 
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mimstrel

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If she was the goddess of love, or sex, that might be harder to explain,

I'm hetero-romantic asexual and I'd like to point out that an asexual goddess of love would be totally reasonable as well. Even the aromantic types can have platonic love.

Anyway, kudos for writing an asexual character and making an effort to do it right!
 
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