Your wish is granted...

Granted. You've been fired. Your vacation starts immediately and will last a long, long time.

I wish I didn't sneeze so much.

Granted.

Remember the Augean stables from the labors of Hercules? Remember how the king solved his particular olfactory problem? (If not, think Red Skull.) It's going to be like that.



I wish you could actually get hired on the basis of your actual experience and not whether you had the @#$% money to earn a @#$% piece of extra paper.

(Sorry, job-hunting and grumpy.)

Granted. You're the new president of a company started by you, that takes over the market, and beats all competition. You're successful, happy and own a ford which you give to genie as a gift for granting his wish. Who says rich people aren't generous.

I wish good health for the blue flower that has bloomed on my plant.

Granted.

No, that's it. Just granted. It's snowing here, so I'm going to let all the flowers bloom.





I wish there were flowers here.

Granted. Your yard is covered with thistles. Their little flowers are pretty, don't you think? (Don't mind the prickles.)

I wish it would be 75 degrees here tomorrow.

Granted! It will be 75 degrees there... Kelvin. Better put on an extra layer of long underwear!

I wish all the weeds in my yard would vanish. Especially the sowthistles, which I'm pretty sure were planted by Nymtoc.

Granted
Your yard has been selected for use as a hazardous waste holding center.


I wish the laws of supply and demand would work in my favor

Granted! I have an excellent supply of hazardous waste. You've demanded it. It's yours!!

I wish this funny-looking plant would bloom so I can tell what it is.

Granted. It blooms, and you realize that it is a Venus Flytrap that has been exposed to radiation. It is growing rapidly, devouring every living thing that comes near, and as you lean down to study it...oh...sorry about that...

I wish I could invent a game as successful as Monopoly.

Granted.

You invent it. Parker Brothers steals acquires the design from you. They get rich. You die in obscurity.




I wish I could remember what I was going to say.

Denied
The rest of the world doesn't



I wish everybody could enjoy the kind of day BOS is having, right there beside him

Granted.

The entire world is right here next to me. But due to small miscalculation, it's also been reduced to the size of a small fuzzy pom-pom, and is promptly knocked across the room by my cat. And now the entire world has motion sickness.



I wish the cat was sitting a little farther away from the keyboard. Or would at least brush his teeth.

Your wish is granted! Your keyboard and every other spare keyboard in your home teleports on the roof of your home, and it suddenly begins to hail the size of tennis balls.

I wish to live a long and healthy life being the leader of a global criminal organization bent on controlling the world (much like Ernst Blofeld of the SPECTRE organization from the James Bond series :O).

Granted.

You are COBRA Commander. (You didn't specify "successful.")






I wish this sausage tasted a little better.

Granted. The sausage tastes a little better, but unfortunately (you didn't catch the news tonight?) it was taken off the market when researchers found that it is infected with a deadly strain of E. Coli.

I wish I had an extra hand.

Granted.

Don't ask where it's attached.




I wish my vacation started tomorrow.

Denied

... but you are going to wish it is your vacation that starts tomorrow ... oh snap. Every watch Ground hog day?


I wish my Beta Max hadn't broken down.

Granted.

No idea where you're going to find anything to watch, but your Beta Max is fixed.

(And cool. I always wanted to learn to play the piano and ice sculpt.)



I wish I knew how to play the piano.

Granted. The Genie found an old player piano for you at a garage sale. All you do is put a roll of perforated paper in it, push a couple of buttons and sit there and move your hands while the keys go up and down. No one will know the difference.

I wish I lived in a mansion.

Your wish is my command! The only problem is that you now live in a mansion on a small secluded island with no electricity, no food, and no people. Oh, and a hurricane is comin'. :S

I wish I had a really resourceful and awesome super-power.

Granted. You're the new genie. You're resourceful for others n your power is awesome for others.

I wish the kitten that has jumped on my math teacher would transform to a hippopotamus just before landing.

Granted.

Unfortunately the sudden shift in mass also affects the trajectory. Don't bother ducking; it won't do you any good.



I wish my landlord would show up to fix the hole in my roof.

Granted. He fixes the hole and produces your lease, which says (in very small print) "All repairs to the structure shall be paid for by the tenant, with a minimum of $1,000 per job."

I wish I had a coach and four.

Granted.

But in the next three minutes they revert back to pumpkin and mice. Sorry about the delay; there was a backlog.




I wish I wasn't so wired.

Granted. You're not wired. You're a writer now. Now you wish you were wired.

I wish to see a meteor tonight. Like some astronomical event.