Cricket bats (calling on our brits)

Trevor Bruhn · Apr 2, 2015

Cheerio/Howdy! I'm working on a piece in which the S.A.W. (strong, assertive woman) not into the dominatrix or BDSM scene, must nevertheless inflict some corporal punishment on her significant male other. Lacking the usual tools dommes always seem to have, she casts about for a suitable paddle and finds a cricket paddle, souvenir of a trip to London. Would a cricket bat, applied to the gluteus maximus with proper vigor, create the desired effect without injuring the badly behaved gentleman? And were she to drill some holes in the bat, as my cover artist depicts in Dominion Vote, enhance the effectiveness of the bat for this purpose? It is understood that such perforations on a bit used in the game itself would be a disqualifying act similar to corking the bat in our baseball.

mirandashell · Apr 2, 2015

No! A cricket bat would cause serious damage. You can crack a man's skull with one of those!

veinglory · Apr 2, 2015

Um, ouch. Cricket bats are far too large to call a paddle. About 40 inches long and 3 pounds in weight. Also most of the weight is distant from the handle so you could accidentally hurt someone pretty easily. Drilling holes would do very little as the bat is about 2-3 inches deep. It is not hurting because of lack of air escape holes, but because it is a club.

mirandashell · Apr 2, 2015

Having recovered slightly..... a table tennis bat would be a much better idea.

Helix · Apr 2, 2015

Good grief, no! Cricket bats aren't paddles.

Aggy B. · Apr 2, 2015

Ping-pong paddle
Spatula (either the kind used for stirring or the kind used for flipping pancakes)
Wooden spoon
Ruler/yardstick
Flip-flop/sandal with a flexible sole and not a lot of tread

All typically available in a normal household. (Well, maybe not the ping-pong paddle, but it's not so unusual that it couldn't be.) None of which (except for the yardstick which could have significant velocity at the tip) have so much weight or length to make it easy for an unpracticed paddler to injure the paddlee.

Viridian · Apr 2, 2015

What Aggy said.

Also, I'm pretty sure the idea of airholes is that it makes the paddle swing harder, which is the opposite of what you want.

Trevor Bruhn · Apr 2, 2015

Maryn found ping-pong paddles in a Target store in a mall for her latest.
Thanks, all, it was hard to judge the cricket bat from pictures in the online sales sites.

Trevor, ready for baseball season

Helix · Apr 2, 2015

Trevor Bruhn said:
Maryn found ping-pong paddles in a Target store in a mall for her latest.
Thanks, all, it was hard to judge the cricket bat from pictures in the online sales sites.

Trevor, ready for baseball season

Prob. better to have a look at a cricket bat in action: Chris Gayle hitting a six into someone's backyard.

Maryn · Apr 3, 2015

Most households have a great many items which would serve well enough as spanking implements. The kitchen and the closet is where most will be. The thing you have to look out for is whether it can inflict unintended injury.

Consider the spatula with its thin, slightly flexible handle and broad surface. Great idea, right? Not if it's metal. A stroke a few degrees off means the edge can slice. A plastic spatula is safer, but when it's forced to flex too far and abruptly stopped by somebody's backside, it can crack or break, leaving a rough edge which can damage unless the user pulls the stroke before contact.

A reasonably heavy yet flexible rubber-soled sandal or slipper, held by its heel area, is good. A "jelly shoe" is good. A length of vinyl-covered clothesline doubled over in one's hand is good (but can be too severe if the ends are long). Wood rulers and yardsticks are usually too thin and light, but the old oak ones are good if she's got one--so long as the metal straightedge is pulled out.

Metal rulers are dangerous for the same reason as metal spatulas. Most belts will be either too severe or too light.

Is your punishing character grabbing what's at hand, or is she going to take the time to create an instrument?

You can "research" this by striking your own thigh or calf, of course. Lots of things you'd think would sting don't do much, which others might surprise you.

Maryn, hoping this is not too graphic

mirandashell · Apr 3, 2015

Helix said:
Prob. better to have a look at a cricket bat in action: Chris Gayle hitting a six into someone's backyard.

Yeah...... you certainly wouldn't want him applying it to your arse!

Helen_Rouge · Apr 7, 2015

Maybe it's a souvenir cricket bat, made of durable plastic. After all, it was brought from London. It wouldn't injure but would sting well enough. And it would make a hell of a sound. (I think I need one of those).

Xelebes · Apr 8, 2015

Cricket bats are called bats for a reason. Would you use a baseball bat?

waylander · Apr 8, 2015

Sh#t no! I've played a lot of cricket and still have my own bat. They're seriously chunky and being hit with one is going to leave deep bruising. It would be like be hit with a lump of 4x2.

calieber · Apr 8, 2015

Helix said:
Prob. better to have a look at a cricket bat in action: Chris Gayle hitting a six into someone's backyard.

Ah, and my girlfriend thought of this

Xelebes said:
Cricket bats are called bats for a reason. Would you use a baseball bat?

That was my reaction too.

CWatts · Apr 8, 2015

calieber said:
Ah, and my girlfriend thought of this

That was my reaction too.

I immediately thought of Shaun of the dead: https://youtu.be/kFjssmIwBLs

Generally speaking, there probably shouldn't be a whole of overlap between S & M toys and anti-zombie weapons...

Hunter S Johnson · Apr 9, 2015

I disagree... if that is the "implement at hand" and fits your story, go with it. You don't have to wallop someone with it... a little flick of the wrist would be a stout attention-getter. I know a man that has a sawed-off canoe paddle, for just such occasions...

mirandashell · Apr 9, 2015

Hunter S Johnson said:
I disagree... if that is the "implement at hand" and fits your story, go with it. You don't have to wallop someone with it... a little flick of the wrist would be a stout attention-getter. I know a man that has a sawed-off canoe paddle, for just such occasions...

Maybe so.

But anyone with knowledge of cricket bats (which is anyone in one of the many countries that play cricket) will be :Wha:

and the scene will be totally spoiled. And possibly the book will hit the wall.

Why risk it? There's plenty of other implements that will be more believable.

apchelopech · Apr 9, 2015

Perhaps she could use a cricket bat, but in purely defensive mode - playing a straight bat off the back foot, only going for the balls that threaten her off-stump, otherwise padding up...

mirandashell · Apr 9, 2015

Have to be careful of the LBW though, if she's going to do that.

Besides, Geoff Boycott was never a sexy player.

Helix · Apr 9, 2015

Watch out for the googlies.

mirandashell · Apr 9, 2015

And take care of the middle stump.

mccardey · Apr 9, 2015

Helix said:
Watch out for the googlies.

mirandashell said:
And take care of the middle stump.

Do you two want to spend lunchtime doing lines? Because that can be arranged. :granny:

ETA: Okay, you have to imagine that was said by a nun and had nothing to with cocaine.

mirandashell · Apr 9, 2015

I was just about to ask......

Helix · Apr 9, 2015

Wait! We haven't even got on to the dire 'bowling a maiden over' jokes.

ETA: Sorry for the derail, Trevor. I hope you've had your questions answered in this thread.

Cricket bats (calling on our brits)

Trevor Bruhn

mirandashell

veinglory

volitare nequeo

mirandashell

Helix

socially distancing

Aggy B.

Not as sweet as you think

Viridian

local good boy

Trevor Bruhn

Helix

socially distancing

Maryn

At Sea

mirandashell

Helen_Rouge

Xelebes

Delerium ex Ennui

waylander

Who's going for a beer?

calieber

Couth barbarian

CWatts

down the rabbit hole of research...

Hunter S Johnson

It's writing. How hard can this be?

mirandashell

apchelopech

mirandashell

Helix

socially distancing

mirandashell

mccardey

mirandashell

Helix

socially distancing