Fan-Fic-in' for Jesus?

You're a cartoon character, after all.

The author posted about this on reddit, as well.

heza said:

There seems to be a slight preoccupation with chest hair.

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Now I gotta find the scientific research that correlates chest hair to intelligence. Drat.

CassandraW said:

I was interested in how Snape could be wearing a tie, yet you still could see his chest hair

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Suit but no shirt.
Wife beater (seems fitting in this setting).
It was popping through the buttons!

*shudder to all of them*

I'm gathering from the chest hair obsession that under Christian doctrine, grooming is good, but manscaping is evil. Kuwisdelu, you're forever damned for your ungodly lack of chest hair.

I wonder what the official church stance is on bikini waxes. Are brazilians godly, or does a true woman restrict herself to a neat trim?

I just wanted to add I'm crying from laughter reading this thread.

"Irony. Dead."

Priceless...

Little bit sad...

I don't care what the Bible says, but completely clean-shaven pubes are silly, superior only to heinous overforestation. Leave a little fluff patch. A little strip. A plume, a square, a place for crawlies to get their grip.

Modern humans are too obsessed with the removal of their coats.

CassandraW said:

Kuwisdelu, you're forever damned for your ungodly lack of chest hair.

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I was already an animist heathen anyway.

SomethingOrOther said:

I don't care what the Bible says, but completely clean-shaven pubes are silly, superior only to heinous over forestation.

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I appreciate tenderly tended patch of pubis.

Modern humans are too obsessed with the removal of their coats.

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My chest is naturally naked.

kuwisdelu said:

My chest is naturally naked.

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If Jesus had meant to mark you as one of the Chosen, he would have blessed you with a godly pelt of chest hair.

CassandraW said:

If Jesus had meant to mark you as one of the Chosen, he would have blessed you with a godly pelt of chest hair.

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I'll enjoy perdition.

CassandraW said:

I'm gathering from the chest hair obsession that under Christian doctrine, grooming is good, but manscaping is evil.

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I think it depends on the branch...

Not to speak ill of the dead, but ...um... how does Robin Williams fall into this ... theory?

Gilroy Cullen said:

I think it depends on the branch...

Not to speak ill of the dead, but ...um... how does Robin Williams fall into this ... theory?

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Robin Williams worshipped at the Church of Eva.

Gilroy Cullen said:

I think it depends on the branch...

Not to speak ill of the dead, but ...um... how does Robin Williams fall into this ... theory?

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Didn't you see Mrs. Doubtfire? He was well-groomed, an excellent housewife, kindly, loving and forgiving, and his chest was blessedly furry. He fits all the fan fic's criteria for godliness.

CassandraW said:

Didn't you see Mrs. Doubtfire? He was well-groomed, an excellent housewife, kindly, loving and forgiving, and his chest was blessedly furry. He fits all the fan fic's criteria for godliness.

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He was too good for this world. He died for our sins.

kuwisdelu said:

He was too good for this world. He died for our sins.

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Nanoo-nanoo, brother.

okay, so I was Googling this some more and I found a pee-your-pants hilarious audio adaptation of this fic. I don't know how to link you directly to it...

It was a tumblr feed that I found by searching for the fic name. It was in the upper-right corner, under the handle dajo42. The dude's page should probably be considered NSFW, btw.

The absolute best is the little song at the beginning....

Amadan said:

Irony. Dead.

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CassandraW said:

*tosses a white lily onto the coffin*

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Teinz said:

I just wanted to add I'm crying from laughter reading this thread.

"Irony. Dead."

Priceless...

Little bit sad...

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Ahhhh, yep.

There seems to be some concern here--by my reading--that seeing this as satire is somehow robbing people of an opportunity to mock. That's distressing.

Of course the piece sounds enough like what some people earnestly say or claim to believe. That's what makes it good. But it's purposefully constructed--imo--to read that way from line to line. No one does that (apart from maybe Ayn Rand).

Moreover, the author has no presence on the internet prior to this, yet knew exactly where to go to drum up business. The reddit thread makes this crystal clear. The person is trying a little too hard to come across as a naive "mommy" with "little ones" who doesn't understand almost anything.

robeiae said:

The person is trying a little too hard to come across as a naive "mommy" with "little ones" who doesn't understand almost anything.

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Again, I know people like this. Exactly like this. I get emails from people that read exactly like the author's notes.

However, I will say that those same people do not know what reddit is and probably would not be able to work fanfiction.net well enough to post something.

heza said:

Again, I know people like this. Exactly like this. I get emails from people that read exactly like the author's notes.

However, I will say that those same people do not know what reddit is and probably would not be able to work fanfiction.net well enough to post something.

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And they probably wouldn't have 11-year-old Harry Potter referring to Sex and the City in a book allegedly aimed at Christian children.

CassandraW said:

And they probably wouldn't have 11-year-old Harry Potter referring to Sex and the City in a book allegedly aimed at Christian children.

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Eh... depends. I have some relatives who are almost fundamentalists, and they let their young children watch adult, mainstream movies. I also know some people who tell their children about certain adult things as sort of a lesson. "You're going to hear about a show called Gossip Girl. It's sinful. You're not to watch it or talk about it," etc.

But there were some additional places in this fic that struck me as intended for an adult audience. They didn't seem written for children but rather for either the Mommies the story supposedly tries to attract or the adults reading it for the satirical humor.

heza said:

Again, I know people like this. Exactly like this. I get emails from people that read exactly like the author's notes.

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Good research can do this, no?

However, I will say that those same people do not know what reddit is and probably would not be able to work fanfiction.net well enough to post something.

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Right.

This is no novice poster. This is someone who knows exactly what they are doing, imo. There are enough breadcrumbs to make Haggis a sandwich.

heza said:

Eh... depends. I have some relatives who are almost fundamentalists, and they let their young children watch adult, mainstream movies. I also know some people who tell their children about certain adult things as sort of a lesson. "You're going to hear about a show called Gossip Girl. It's sinful. You're not to watch it or talk about it," etc.

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Yes, but this author is allegedly a woman who doesn't want her little darlings exposed to Harry Potter (at least in its original sinful form). If she were the type of almost fundamentalist you mention, wouldn't she expose them to Harry Potter in order to tell them how horribly sinful it was with all its horrid witchcraft and wizardry?

If she were going to expose them to Sex and the City, she would probably do a re-write involving four friends who get together regularly to discuss their devotion to Jesus and the difficulties in finding suitable Christian husbands with the requisite amount of well-groomed chest hair.

CassandraW said:

Yes, but this author is allegedly a woman who doesn't want her little darlings exposed to Harry Potter (at least in its original sinful form). If she were the type of almost fundamentalist you mention, wouldn't she expose them to Harry Potter in order to tell them how horribly sinful it was with all its horrid witchcraft and wizardry?

If she were going to expose them to Sex and the City, she would probably do a re-write involving four friends who get together regularly to discuss their devotion to Jesus and the difficulties in finding suitable Christian husbands with the requisite amount of well-groomed chest hair.

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I think you're giving this author a little too much logical thought for her own good...

robeiae said:

Good research can do this, no?

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I'm not sure what you're saying. The people who send me emails aren't researching to fake emails... If you're saying that someone could have researched crazy ideas fundamental Christians have, then, yeah... that's true. I'm not arguing that someone couldn't have written a satire about it. But the fact that someone could have done that doesn't automatically guarantee that someone did. It's plausible that the person who wrote the story researched for it... it's also plausible, to people who encounter these exact attitudes on a regular basis, that an actual fundamentalist wrote it. We don't know without more information.

CassandraW said:

If she were going to expose them to Sex and the City, she would probably do a re-write involving four friends who get together regularly to discuss their devotion to Jesus and the difficulties in finding suitable Christian husbands with the requisite amount of well-groomed chest hair.

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I'm saying that some fundamentalists tell their children about the existence of "sinful" things to prepare them to fight the war, without exposing them to the actual content and letting it potentially influence them.

Also, that in itself could possibly just be an instance of bad writing—slipping out of voice by having a child think something only an adult would. It's one of the common reasons children's stories get rejected.

You can know exactly what you are doing and still affect an infantilized voice -- I've been in several conversations online with such people very recently.