Scenes from a hat!

Chris P

Likes metaphors mixed, not stirred
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5. You both have signed the "consensual relationship" form 92-A, right?

Five ways to respond to your boss when he catches you snogging a coworker in the canteen
 

treetops

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2. When you said see Jenny about a raise, this is what I thought you meant!
 

Kaiser-Kun

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5. Well, you said "get away from my wife"...


Oh no! Your children found your Santa costume hidden in the attic! What do you tell them?
 

PorterStarrByrd

nutruring tomorrows criminals today
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Your mother mentioned something about Santa stopping by and leaving in a hurry ... you should probably ask her.
 

Robbert

Practical experience FTW
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5. Wow, this is what I call first-hand evidence. Santa obviously descends through our chimney, gets changed and then leaves to pick up his sleigh.


Your 13-year old daughter hangs a banner outside her window that reads, "Santa Is A Hoax". Five ways to calm down your furious neighbours...
 

archerjoe

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1. That's her favorite hipster band. She thinks the name is just so ironic.
 

Diver

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3. People, don't be alarmed! 'Isahoax' is a most common family name in the North Pole.
 

Kaiser-Kun

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5. The original sign was quite ruder, I had to add the final two letters... believe me it's better this way.


Santa reindeers booed off in the first audition
 

Kaiser-Kun

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3. "Now, Dasher! Now, Dancer! Now, Stockolm Swede of Syracuse, and Vixen!"
 

woozy

I'm the nude girl; not the creature
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4. Scratcher, Tusker, Gouger, and Mother-fucker.
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4 1/2)

"On Tosser, On Flosser, Yerbastard and Asshat
"On Wanker, On Spanker, On Whoreson and Hazmat"

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4 3/4) Horny, Corny, Porny and Sleazy
 
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Robbert

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2. I'd like a coffee please, but not tall, grand, small or medium, just black, no sugar, no caramel flavour, thank you. Oh, and could I have a venti XL glass of water with my espresso?
 

Fallen

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3 So, after telling me all that, do you actually have any time left to make me a coffee?