Favorite lines you've written

Katharine Tree · Mar 23, 2015

WriteMinded said:
So how many times did she dance? I'm betting on one.

All six. She snags Malcolm for two of them. He only gets madder.
http://absolutewrite.com//www.pinterest.com/pin/create/extension/

Sonsofthepharaohs · Mar 25, 2015

After all the drama and tension and angst of the last few scenes (well, it IS the climax) I thought I'd insert a scene for a little light relief:

If she’d thought Lady Nitemhe rather plump, she was nothing compared to Lady Towosret. Beneath an even more absurdly elaborate wig, her face was round and soft as a ball of dough that sagged into two enormous jowls, and Kiya could barely tell where one chin ended and another began. Her short, fleshy neck had disappeared altogether beneath an enormous collar necklace. She was obviously in need of a new ladies maid as well, because a good one really should have advised her against that fashionably thin dress. No one wanted to see those undulating rolls of fat, or the vast valley between her breasts. Kiya tried not to betray her disgust, but the hot, oppressive mass of her didn’t so much fill the space as overflow it, almost pushing her off the bench.

On the other hand... although she and Djehuty might not be on the best of terms at present, she still welcomed the opportunity to ingratiate herself with someone in a position to advance his career.

“I wonder what the delay is?” she said to no one in particular. “I’m impatient to see my husband leading the honour guard for the first time this year. He looked so stunning in his parade uniform this morning.”

The Tjaty’s wife turned to her and smiled. Her teeth and lips were stained purple, and all the cinnamon in Punt couldn’t mask the sour odour of wine on her breath. “Yes, he’s a very attractive man, your husband,” she said with a decidedly lewd glint in her eye, the lecherous old lush. It quite turned Kiya’s stomach.

Katharine Tree · Mar 25, 2015

Wait. Is Djehuty sneaking around behind Kiya's back? Is this an "it's arranged and they don't love each other" marriage?

Sonsofthepharaohs · Mar 25, 2015

Katharine Tree said:
Wait. Is Djehuty sneaking around behind Kiya's back? Is this an "it's arranged and they don't love each other" marriage?

Yes to the latter, but he's not exactly sneaking. Kiya knows all about his thing with Hebeny - she's one of his harem

Katharine Tree · Mar 25, 2015

Ah. Carry on, then.

Reziac · Mar 25, 2015

Poor Kiya

Kallithrix said:
Yes to the latter, but he's not exactly sneaking. Kiya knows all about his thing with Hebeny - she's one of his harem

And if he paid no attention to his harem, people might begin to talk.

Viridian · Mar 25, 2015

Kallithrix said:
Yes to the latter, but he's not exactly sneaking. Kiya knows all about his thing with Hebeny - she's one of his harem

Is Kiya a villain? I feel like you mentioned some sort of evil plot before.

When I read your excerpt, at first I though it was Hebeny's POV. And I thought "wow, when did Hebeny become such a judgmental prick?"

#DjehutyHebeny4evah

Sonsofthepharaohs · Mar 25, 2015

Reziac said:
Poor Kiya

Ha! Don't pity her. She's about to do something nasty to Hebs... :e2cry:

Reziac said:
And if he paid no attention to his harem, people might begin to talk.

Eggsackery. People are already talking about the fact that he has no childrens with any of them... :Wha:

Sonsofthepharaohs · Mar 25, 2015

ViridianChick said:
Is Kiya a villain? I feel like you mentioned some sort of evil plot before.

Secondary antag. She has a role to play in the villainy, but she's not the main threat.

ViridianChick said:
When I read your excerpt, at first I though it was Hebeny's POV. And I thought "wow, when did Hebeny become such a judgmental prick?"

hehe, yeah, I'd hope you didn't confuse Hebs with Kiya, or I've done something wrong

ViridianChick said:
#DjehutyHebeny4evah

Aww. That gives me a happy :Hug2:

Viridian · Mar 25, 2015

Editing, and this one caught my eye.

He kissed me again, fervently. The chain would break tomorrow, and I’d be free of him. But tonight—

One more fuck and I’d exorcise this demon inside me. One more fuck and I could forget the shape of his lips. I caught him by the shirt and dragged him backward into the bedroom. Salem laughed as I pinned him against the wall as best I could. “I want you,” I whispered.

“I am covered in blood.”

“Let there be blood between us. I'll have you however you are.”

See, it's a metaphor. Because they're enemies... so... there's bad blood between them... and also Salem is literally covered in blood, so... Guh. I dunno. I like it, though.

Sonsofthepharaohs · Mar 25, 2015

ViridianChick said:
Editing, and this one caught my eye.

He kissed me again, fervently. The chain would break tomorrow, and I’d be free of him. But tonight—

One more fuck and I’d exorcise this demon inside me. One more fuck and I could forget the shape of his lips. I caught him by the shirt and dragged him backward into the bedroom. Salem laughed as I pinned him against the wall as best I could. “I want you,” I whispered.

“I am covered in blood.”

“Let there be blood between us. I'll have you however you are.”
See, it's a metaphor. Because they're enemies... so... there's bad blood between them... and also Salem is literally covered in blood, so... Guh. I dunno. I like it, though.

I like it too

Your explanation of the last line put a different wording in my head though. Would something like 'There's already enough blood between us. What's a little more?' work?

Reziac · Mar 25, 2015

ViridianChick said:
“Let there be blood between us. I'll have you however you are.”

Oooh. I quite like this. Literal, and figurative parallel to "let there be light".

Katharine Tree · Mar 25, 2015

But is Salem covered in bad blood?

Now my mind is going in too many blood-related directions.

Viridian · Mar 25, 2015

Kallithrix said:
I like it too

Your explanation of the last line put a different wording in my head though. Would something like 'There's already enough blood between us. What's a little more?' work?

Hm! I'll consider it. Dane is not particularly sauve or poetic, so I'm still figuring out the perfect line for that moment.

Reziac said:
Oooh. I quite like this. Literal, and figurative parallel to "let there be light".

Aw. You're kind.

Katharine Tree said:
But is Salem covered in bad blood?

No, it's human blood.

Oh. Hm. Maybe, then.

BethS · Mar 26, 2015

Kallithrix said:
After all the drama and tension and angst of the last few scenes (well, it IS the climax) I thought I'd insert a scene for a little light relief:

Djehuty leads a complicated life...

BethS · Mar 26, 2015

ViridianChick said:
See, it's a metaphor. Because they're enemies... so... there's bad blood between them... and also Salem is literally covered in blood, so... Guh. I dunno. I like it, though.

I like it, too, and can't help wondering how many more times she's going to say, "One more..."

Reziac · Mar 26, 2015

Kallithrix said:
Secondary antag. She has a role to play in the villainy, but she's not the main threat.

hehe, yeah, I'd hope you didn't confuse Hebs with Kiya, or I've done something wrong

Nope. Very different character-feel.

I did think it was funny that Kiya is kind of being looked down at those women she's mentally dissing. At least that's the impression I got, that they all think they're better than her, and she's making herself feel better about that by finding their appearance wanting.

Sonsofthepharaohs · Mar 26, 2015

Reziac said:
Nope. Very different character-feel.

I did think it was funny that Kiya is kind of being looked down at those women she's mentally dissing. At least that's the impression I got, that they all think they're better than her, and she's making herself feel better about that by finding their appearance wanting.

Yep, that's pretty much it. She'sthe daughter of an impoverished noble and believes she is descended from a queen (the mother of tutankhamun) so she has aspirations to climb back up the social ladder (and is using djeh to do it) but still thinks herself above them. As a character I like her and loathe her at the same time

Reziac · Mar 26, 2015

Kallithrix said:
Yep, that's pretty much it. She'sthe daughter of an impoverished noble and believes she is descended from a queen (the mother of tutankhamun) so she has aspirations to climb back up the social ladder (and is using djeh to do it) but still thinks herself above them. As a character I like her and loathe her at the same time

Well, you musta done a helluva job of presenting her in just that short bit!!

Sonsofthepharaohs · Mar 26, 2015

Reziac said:
Well, you musta done a helluva job of presenting her in just that short bit!!

Aww, now I got another happy :Hug2:

Funaek · Mar 26, 2015

Love reading everyone's lines!

Here's one of my recent ones:

She knew that saying her wishes out loud wouldn’t do anything, but sometimes she hissed them out with her eyes screwed shut, just in case she had spontaneously developed a secret power or had a fairy godmother who was finally paying attention.

Katharine Tree · Mar 26, 2015

I like that, Funaek. Relatable and unpretentious.

Funaek · Mar 26, 2015

Thanks Katharine!

kwanzaabot · Mar 26, 2015

A short story I've been playing with whenever I get writer's block on my main WIP, had this line. I wrote the paragraph months ago (and I'd completely forgotten about it), but it made me smirk:

The only evidence that anybody had actually lived there at some point during the last two centuries, were the skinned possums hanging by the window, although he'd already come to the conclusion that they were hardly fit for human consumption and had probably died as a result of some bizarre possum murder-suicide pact. It was the only explanation for why an animal that tasted like worm-infested cardboard would die from anything but natural causes.

Reziac · Mar 26, 2015

Funaek said:
Love reading everyone's lines!

Here's one of my recent ones:

Nice. Lots of character.

kwanzaabot said:
It was the only explanation for why an animal that tasted like worm-infested cardboard would die from anything but natural causes.

LOL!!!!

Favorite lines you've written

Þæt wæs god cyning

Still writing the ancient Egyptian tetralogy

Þæt wæs god cyning

Still writing the ancient Egyptian tetralogy

Þæt wæs god cyning

Resident Alien

local good boy

Still writing the ancient Egyptian tetralogy

Still writing the ancient Egyptian tetralogy

local good boy

Still writing the ancient Egyptian tetralogy

Resident Alien

Þæt wæs god cyning

local good boy

Resident Alien

Still writing the ancient Egyptian tetralogy

Resident Alien

Still writing the ancient Egyptian tetralogy

Þæt wæs god cyning

Resident Alien