I'm a major introvert, but I'm not "afraid" of small talk. I'm just not one to automatically engage in it, and depending on the situation, I don't even see the point in it. Small talk tends to happen between strangers and honestly, my first thought when I'm sitting/standing there and a total stranger starts chatting me up, my first thought is, "Who are you and why are you talking to me?"
I know that sounds like I'm being a grouch or that I don't like people, but that's not the case at all. I do like people. I just like knowing who they are before I talk to them. Makes it easier for me to judge where the conversation is going to go and be able to think about what I say before I have to say it. Plus, I tend to stick to the sidelines in most social situations, I tend to be around people who are older than me far more often then I'm around people my own age, and I tend to think that I'm not that interesting, so when a stranger decides to talk to me out of all the people in the room, I really am wondering why they would want to talk to
me.
I'm also WAY less comfortable small-talking men my age or older than me than I am small-talking to women. I think with men my own age, my lack-of-comfort has more to do with hormones
, but with older men it has more to do with outright shyness and my cautious nature, especially if I'm alone.
Introverts need human contact, too. But they demand quality, not quantity. Parties with lots of small talk exhaust them. What they want is in-depth conversations about something they're passionate about. However, they will always need a certain amount of alone time, even from people they love the most.
Yeah, that^ too.
When someone like me (the smiling, chatty Extrovert), approaches you and strikes up a conversation (small talk), do you really wanna punch me in the face and say "Get lost, leave me alone - I'm not interested in talking with you!"
Or, do you just suffer in silence while looking for the nearest exit sign?
I ask because my tendency is to zero-in on the person in the corner who appears to be shy and alone and try to make him or her feel welcome and at ease.
Lavern, if it was you, I'd be more than happy to small talk because I likes you.
Seriously though, the reason for someone deciding to try to talk to me makes a big difference in how I feel about it. I've gotten so that I can tell with a 99% accuracy, at least with women, whether or not someone has decided to talk to me because they genuinely want to be kind and make me feel welcome (most likely at an event where socializing is supposed to happen) or if they're talking just to fill the silence (most likely in an elevator or waiting room). I will always appreciate kindness and reciprocate, even if it takes me a little bit to get comfortable enough to open up and do more than smile and nod. And if all else fails, talk to me about animals and/or a tv show/book/movie that we both like. I know how to talk about those things.
I smile and nod with the people who just want to fill the silence too, but in that case, I'm more likely to be thinking that I want them to just leave me alone...and I mean that in the nicest way possible, of course.
My mother, the extreme extravert, felt that way when I was a kid. She was always forcing me to do things that would "cure" me of my introversion (team sports, extra-curricular speech classes, etc.
).
Oh gosh, speech classes. I had to take one of those as a required college course a couple years ago. HATED IT!!!