Heh. If I wanted to discuss the weather I would have gone to meteorologist school.
Now, if you want to discuss the Early voltage of a 2N3055...
Introverts: are you "afraid" of small talk, or do you just hate it?
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Now, if you want to discuss the Early voltage of a 2N3055...
My sister has this problem. She's on local TV every week, is very well spoken and excellent at chit-chat (she should be, since she interviews people for a living). No one will believe she's an introvert who needs hours and hours of alone time to "recover."
Me, I'm both introverted and shy. I've taught myself to small talk and now find it easy to ask people questions that draw out whatever they want to discuss.
But I don't enjoy it. It feels fake, because while I'm drawing others out, I'm almost never expressing any of my true feelings or passions. Furthermore, once I start a relationship on that footing (the other person monologuing while I listen and ask helpful questions), I don't know how to progress to anything more meaningful.
In my experience, 80% of people are perfectly happy talking about themselves 100% of the time. But it's also my own fault for not forcing the conversation over to my side.
Small talk is easy; engaging in true two-sided conversation is much, much, much harder. I wonder if that also goes for extroverts.
1. "But in today’s world, small talk is difficult to avoid. Cocktail parties, networking events, and even the line for coffee at work may require a brief exchange of pleasantries."
I do go to cocktail parties or networking events.
I make coffee at home and carry it in a thermos.
Small talk isn't difficult to avoid.
2. The anxiety is coming from me and my beliefs, not the situation. I can do this.”
Yes, the anxiety is coming from me and my beliefs. I know this. I don't enjoy anxiety. It's one reason why I've avoided the situation to begin with and the second reason is that I have no need to do this, therefore I'm not there.
3. “What’s the worse that can happen? If they don’t like me, so what?”
The worse will happen, it always has, and I don't care what they think of me.
4.“Just because [XYZ] happened in the past, doesn’t mean it will happen again.”
Amoungst the undefined xyz is that anxiety thing. That will happen. The person writing this is clearly an idiot.
5. “Labels don’t define me. I’m an interesting, worthy person with a lot to contribute.”
WTF? I know I'm an interesting and worthy person. I do contribute, I just don't do it in public and screw labels. None of these statements have anything to do with the subject matter.
6. “Everyone needs someone to talk to at networking events. If I strike up a conversation with that person, he or she will probably be glad to have someone to talk to.”
No, they don't, and who made her an expert on everyone's needs? I don't even know this biotch and suddenly she knows better than I do what I need? Ha. One more reason why I'm not there. There's always one of her type in the crowd that thinks they can personally 'fix' me. I ain't broke.
7. “I will reward myself with a quiet evening on the couch, watching my favorite movie.”
Reward? If I make good trick for master I get biscuit? Screw her arrogant idealism. She's made a huge assumption that being all social and small-talky is a good thing. Her entire premise is faulty. She's a nutcase. She doesn't understand people. She doesn't understand introverts. She obviously doesn't understand how to present points of argument. She's clueless. There's no point in my commenting any further.
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I had this Big Bag o'Popcorn I'd bring out for everyone, but it's stuck in a locked thread.
"Oh, remember the big Higgs Boson announcement, and what font they used in the slides?"
This gets rid of about 99 percent of those who try to talk to me, and the ones it doesn't get rid of are Higgs Boson Font Nerds just like me!
"Hello, my name is Ben and I'm a human being."
They never liked that in Those Meetings I used to go to. I tried to say something after that intro, and people kept interrupting with "what are you???"
I follow the lead of "The Man From U.N.C.L.E." and go into the corner and speak into my pen. It works, no one tries to talk to me after that.
If it helps, Kelly, I had an urge to reach through the screen and slap her as I read the article. That's why I posted it.
I reject the assumption that engaging in meaningless loud talky-talk is a desirable and important endeavor, and that there's something wrong with you if you don't enjoy it. Sometimes I'm stuck doing it. But I'd rather be doing something else.
You could ban all of them, too. Muzzle them first so they can't scream.
It just irks me to no end that there are people in the world that are so stupid that they think it's a bad thing being an introvert and that with proper guidance and pointers we can all 'get over it'. Introvert is a personality type. That's all it is. It isn't 'good' or 'bad' - it just is. I'm not unhappy being an introvert. I do NOT need to be fixed. Where are all the articles on how to fix extroverts? Huh? Can they really be saved? Ha! This is a wonderful example of how ignorance can lead to social prejudice. Her next article should be ten easy steps to cure depression. Freakin' idiot...
I do it because it's expected for my job to carry a conversation, to make small talk with donors and other members of academia. I used to dread it, but feel its a necessary evil.
I never feared it, no. I don't hate it, either. But it takes a lot of my energy to turn "on" like that and if given the choice, I would avoid it.
I never feared it, no. I don't hate it, either. But it takes a lot of my energy to turn "on" like that and if given the choice, I would avoid it.
I can make small talk and fare pretty well. I don't fear it; I find it tedious.
It's also draining, mostly because I am having to restrain myself from rolling my eyes and making jerkoff motions with my fist.
Lord. Let me go clean the toilets instead.
It's also draining, mostly because I am having to restrain myself from rolling my eyes and making jerkoff motions with my fist.
Lord. Let me go clean the toilets instead.
I'm an extreme introvert. Even large meetings at work exhaust me. Social gatherings are far worse (at least at work I can chit-chat technical stuff), and I avoid those whenever possible.
Never having consulted a dictionary, my ex liked to refer to this as my "anti-social" side.
I eventually came to realize that she was a shy extrovert. Would go out of her skull if not frequently surrounded by people, the more the better. But, had to have me bring her to these gatherings to break the ice. After which, she would proceed to ignore me for the duration. Sheer hell for me.
Worst. Combination. Of. Traits. In. A. Married. Couple. Ever.
Frankly, I think I'm happier being an introvert, since my happiness depends less on others. I'm quite self-winding on my own.
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I'm a happy introvert, too.
I bet a lot of writers are. I mean, I guess there are some writing jobs that are social, like if you have a cowriter (in the same room) or work on a TV show or some other big project, but for most writers? We're on our own a lot, so we'd damn well BETTER like it.
I'm not shy, and I don't mind the occasional party, but small talk is pretty boring. Honestly, I just don't care that much about the minutiae of other people's lives - my characters are much more interesting and I'd rather be spending time with them!
I bet a lot of writers are. I mean, I guess there are some writing jobs that are social, like if you have a cowriter (in the same room) or work on a TV show or some other big project, but for most writers? We're on our own a lot, so we'd damn well BETTER like it.
I'm not shy, and I don't mind the occasional party, but small talk is pretty boring. Honestly, I just don't care that much about the minutiae of other people's lives - my characters are much more interesting and I'd rather be spending time with them!
It can be both for me. Sometimes I do get very anxious about being in a situation where someone is going to expect me to do small talk or be friendly. When I was little I used to cry if my dad would make me talk to the cashier/waiter/strangers, and I still hate hate talking to people on the phone, etc.
But *can* I schmooze and small talk when I need to? Yep, absolutely. And sometimes it's not scary, it's just incredibly boring.
So mostly I just ignore everyone as much as possible.
This is probably why I don't have friends, but I don't mind much--more time to spend doing what I want!
But *can* I schmooze and small talk when I need to? Yep, absolutely. And sometimes it's not scary, it's just incredibly boring.
So mostly I just ignore everyone as much as possible.
This is probably why I don't have friends, but I don't mind much--more time to spend doing what I want!
Small talk is an unavoidable part of my job, but my best nights at work are those where I don't see or speak to a single person.
I'm not shy. Lordy, I'm an entertainer and a concierge. I'm good at small talk when I have to be. I just don't enjoy it.
Maybe we can "fix" the extroverts instead. Tie them up in a corner and gag them so they have to listen to a few hours of silence. I'd enjoy that.
I'm not shy. Lordy, I'm an entertainer and a concierge. I'm good at small talk when I have to be. I just don't enjoy it.
Maybe we can "fix" the extroverts instead. Tie them up in a corner and gag them so they have to listen to a few hours of silence. I'd enjoy that.
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That is something that has always irked me. Why do people feel that, just because you don't WANT to be out in the OMG crowds and social scenes, that you're broken?
Even mental health people are asking "Why don't you get out more?"
Answer: "Cause I don't wanna."
Yeah, I lied to my therapist about doing more things, just to get him to leave me alone with regard to social interactions.
Even mental health people are asking "Why don't you get out more?"
Answer: "Cause I don't wanna."
Yeah, I lied to my therapist about doing more things, just to get him to leave me alone with regard to social interactions.
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I think for someone who's naturally extroverted, becoming withdrawn would be a sign of a problem. And because extroverts make so much noise, the world is geared to their needs (Extrovert Privilege!). So your therapist is using an extrovert-based model to treat the needs of an introvert.
In other words, it's bullshit.
Maybe you should give your therapist a talking-to/firing. ('cause I can't imagine lying is beneficial to the therapeutic process?)
I read the linked article to mean that, too. Oddly enough, the author states that she an introvert. I'm guessing she might be projecting too much of her own construction of what introversion is upon the reader. If the article omitted "Introverts" from the title and body of work, I would have thought it a fairly helpful guide for shy people in a specific social situation.
I'm good with small talk, I just don't care much for it because it feels forced, since I only do it with strangers or acquaintances. That doesn't mean I can't or don't know how to sustain a conversation. I'll talk quite a bit with people I've grown comfortable with.
My mother, the extreme extravert, felt that way when I was a kid. She was always forcing me to do things that would "cure" me of my introversion (team sports, extra-curricular speech classes, etc.
).
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OK, So A Question for Introverts...
When someone like me (the smiling, chatty Extrovert), approaches you and strikes up a conversation (small talk), do you really wanna punch me in the face and say "Get lost, leave me alone - I'm not interested in talking with you!"
Or, do you just suffer in silence while looking for the nearest exit sign?
I ask because my tendency is to zero-in on the person in the corner who appears to be shy and alone and try to make him or her feel welcome and at ease.
It never occurred to me that the wallflower really doesn't want to be bothered.
When someone like me (the smiling, chatty Extrovert), approaches you and strikes up a conversation (small talk), do you really wanna punch me in the face and say "Get lost, leave me alone - I'm not interested in talking with you!"
Or, do you just suffer in silence while looking for the nearest exit sign?
I ask because my tendency is to zero-in on the person in the corner who appears to be shy and alone and try to make him or her feel welcome and at ease.
It never occurred to me that the wallflower really doesn't want to be bothered.
