robjvargas said:
I do find it strange. But there's additional context needed there. I can find it strange and pleasant (or benign, at least), and I can find it strange and worrisome to one degree or another. I don't automatically assume one or the other.
But if your broad experience in this happening several times a day tells you that 1) the man is doing it out of a sexual agenda and that 2) if you don't respond, he's going to say nastier things to try to intimidate you, or 3) if you respond in any way, you're probably opening yourself up for more advances and a situation you'll then have to extricate yourself from... wouldn't you maybe start to naturally assume the worrisome one? Wouldn't it make you nervous when it happened?
By cutting off the examples immediately after the "have a nice day" moment, however, I think the video (perhaps unwittingly, not trying to speak for the creators of the video) argues for no interaction at all.
I don't like a world like that. I don't have a right to it, either, but I don't feel any guilt for wanting a friendlier world.
The world doesn't have to be unfriendly, but the guys in that video weren't trying to be friendly. That's what you need to understand. Their motive was not to be friendly. They all had some kind of sexual agenda. And
we know that. We
know the difference between a shop keeper who stands outside his store and greets passersby and a man who has interrupted his current activity to try to get our attention because he wants attention from a woman.
Frankly, though, I watched the video several times, and I only see two instances of a where I might think there's not enough context. The first is the guy sitting outside a building by himself and he says, "How are you this morning?" I can imagine that one as benign. He looks like he's been there for a bit and he's probably bored and people watching. There aren't a lot of people on the sidewalk, so he's not noticeably singling her out. He might say hello to everyone who passes. There's no "baby" or "darling" or "girl" and he doesn't seem perturbed by a no-response. However, on the heels of many, many other comments, it can still seem harassing.
The second is immediately after. Guy in a ball cap says, "Have a nice evening." It's short and seems innocuous, but even then, there's still context. It's a crowded sidewalk, but he still singles her out to talk to. She doesn't make eye contact with him until he starts staring her down. The guy is turned halfway around, still staring at her as she passes.
I didn't agree with all the examples presented in the video. But the general point of the video isn't in question. Not to me.
No one is claiming that you don't think harassment happens or that you don't think the video illustrates some examples of harassment. What's concerning is that you seem to have this concept that only the big things actually count as harassment. That, for it to be harassment, the man has to say something overt or rude or has to follow a woman for five minutes. Most of the women who have responded do view the smaller interactions as harassment. We're trying to get you to understand why we feel that way. Because, basically, there are two types of guys involved in this: the ones who know it intimidates us and get off on that and the ones who think they're just being friendly and don't understand why it upsets us.
There are times it's perfectly reasonable to be friendly to a stranger, and in those times, most of us probably won't think of it as a distracting harassment. If I'm waiting at the bus stop and a man who is also waiting at the bus stop says hello, that's fine. That's friendly. We're both waiting for the bus; we can make small talk. That's a friendly world.
If I'm jogging and pass a shop, and there's a man outside sweeping the walk and he says hello when I glance at him, that's fine. I nod and keep jogging. That's a friendly interaction. I looked at him, he looked at me, we exchanged pleasantries. That's a friendly world.
However, if I'm in a rush to get somewhere and I'm focused on my own thoughts... if I'm obviously not making eye contact—if there's no social context for it—and a man stops what he's doing to get my attention, thereby interrupting what I'm doing, so that I know he's talking to me... that's distracting and harassing. And he's only doing it because I'm a woman. The key is that there needs to be a social context. I need to, in some way, acknowledge that I know you're there, for it to be not weird that you're suddenly speaking to me for no reason. We need to make eye contact. We need to be sharing some tiny experience.
Maybe it would help if you presented some context for when you think it's okay. Then we could talk about why we would or wouldn't feel comfortable?
CassandraW said:
But unless he crosses a line, I just keep walking and act like I didn't hear him. I think that's usually best anyway, if your object is to get rid of him. And it's not a bad idea to have a certain aggressive walk and posture going. I've made it a point to master a "don't fuck with me" expression and body language for the subways and streets. I also find it useful when traveling alone, which I do a lot.
We shouldn't
have to do this. We shouldn't be required to develop expression shields or change the way we walk or our body language to deter harassment. We should be able to just be who we are and act the way we naturally act, and men should simply stop harassing.