10 Hours of One Woman's Being Harrassed in NYC, Filmed

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Wilde_at_heart

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Yes, exactly. I've experienced this, and the context is that you are walking down the street. Seriously, that's the context. There is no eye contact. There is no previous interaction. You are literally just walking down the street, and some man who's passing you says "Hey, smile!" or "Hey, good morning!" or something like that. (And half the time, gets pissy when you ignore him.)

Walking While Female: you're fair game.

While I agree, when I was younger and lived/commuted downtown in a large city, I got a lot more comments if I was out with the sort of expression she had on her face, than if I looked to be in a better mood - and that irritating smile! or other such comments often came from both men and women.

However, the worst are the ones who keep commenting or start following - rare, but seriously creepy.
 

raburrell

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If one finds it annoying that 'have a nice day' can be negatively construed, I think the solution, on its face, should be simple: be an ally. If you have friends who display this kind of behavior, tell them to cut it out. Don't sit back and keep quiet. Work to effect change.

That said, when pointing out that this happens engenders rape threats, then lucy, we gots bigger problems.
 

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You define it as a distraction, then wonder why I see you considering it bad?

We fundamentally disagree on the nature of this communication, so I'll leave it at that.

You can leave it if you like, but it's not an interpretation of a distraction, it's the definition of one. Women you holla at on the street didn't know you were there until you distracted them at random. It's rude, not complimentary. Finding people attractive is fine. Drawing their attention to you with that factoid and nothing else is not fine. It's obnoxious at best, threatening at worst.

You don't really have to understand it to take our word for it. If our word for it means anything, that is.
 

Celia Cyanide

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Yeah, I'm going to agree to disagree on that. It can be ill-used. I think the video failed to show that. But that doesn't make the phrase itself bad. And that's what I read in the paragraph above. That's it's bad.

The phrase isn't bad. The phrases, "You're beautiful," or "let's fuck" aren't bad, either.

I think we know what the problem really is.
 

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I'd have to leave NYC if that kind of thing bothered me.
It's not just a big city thing. I live in a relatively small town (population <30,000) and street harrassment here is constant. I was in downtown Chicago last weekend and experienced far less of it there, perhaps because of the sheer number of pedestrians clogging the streets.

I guess just being older and still having to put up with unwanted attention is wearing on me. It's not simply that we don't owe men a reply; they owe it to women to let us walk in peace. If you wouldn't say it while there is a man walking next to me, then just don't say it at all.
 

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robjvargas said:
I do find it strange. But there's additional context needed there. I can find it strange and pleasant (or benign, at least), and I can find it strange and worrisome to one degree or another. I don't automatically assume one or the other.

But if your broad experience in this happening several times a day tells you that 1) the man is doing it out of a sexual agenda and that 2) if you don't respond, he's going to say nastier things to try to intimidate you, or 3) if you respond in any way, you're probably opening yourself up for more advances and a situation you'll then have to extricate yourself from... wouldn't you maybe start to naturally assume the worrisome one? Wouldn't it make you nervous when it happened?

By cutting off the examples immediately after the "have a nice day" moment, however, I think the video (perhaps unwittingly, not trying to speak for the creators of the video) argues for no interaction at all.

I don't like a world like that. I don't have a right to it, either, but I don't feel any guilt for wanting a friendlier world.
The world doesn't have to be unfriendly, but the guys in that video weren't trying to be friendly. That's what you need to understand. Their motive was not to be friendly. They all had some kind of sexual agenda. And we know that. We know the difference between a shop keeper who stands outside his store and greets passersby and a man who has interrupted his current activity to try to get our attention because he wants attention from a woman.

Frankly, though, I watched the video several times, and I only see two instances of a where I might think there's not enough context. The first is the guy sitting outside a building by himself and he says, "How are you this morning?" I can imagine that one as benign. He looks like he's been there for a bit and he's probably bored and people watching. There aren't a lot of people on the sidewalk, so he's not noticeably singling her out. He might say hello to everyone who passes. There's no "baby" or "darling" or "girl" and he doesn't seem perturbed by a no-response. However, on the heels of many, many other comments, it can still seem harassing.

The second is immediately after. Guy in a ball cap says, "Have a nice evening." It's short and seems innocuous, but even then, there's still context. It's a crowded sidewalk, but he still singles her out to talk to. She doesn't make eye contact with him until he starts staring her down. The guy is turned halfway around, still staring at her as she passes.

I didn't agree with all the examples presented in the video. But the general point of the video isn't in question. Not to me.
No one is claiming that you don't think harassment happens or that you don't think the video illustrates some examples of harassment. What's concerning is that you seem to have this concept that only the big things actually count as harassment. That, for it to be harassment, the man has to say something overt or rude or has to follow a woman for five minutes. Most of the women who have responded do view the smaller interactions as harassment. We're trying to get you to understand why we feel that way. Because, basically, there are two types of guys involved in this: the ones who know it intimidates us and get off on that and the ones who think they're just being friendly and don't understand why it upsets us.

There are times it's perfectly reasonable to be friendly to a stranger, and in those times, most of us probably won't think of it as a distracting harassment. If I'm waiting at the bus stop and a man who is also waiting at the bus stop says hello, that's fine. That's friendly. We're both waiting for the bus; we can make small talk. That's a friendly world.

If I'm jogging and pass a shop, and there's a man outside sweeping the walk and he says hello when I glance at him, that's fine. I nod and keep jogging. That's a friendly interaction. I looked at him, he looked at me, we exchanged pleasantries. That's a friendly world.

However, if I'm in a rush to get somewhere and I'm focused on my own thoughts... if I'm obviously not making eye contact—if there's no social context for it—and a man stops what he's doing to get my attention, thereby interrupting what I'm doing, so that I know he's talking to me... that's distracting and harassing. And he's only doing it because I'm a woman. The key is that there needs to be a social context. I need to, in some way, acknowledge that I know you're there, for it to be not weird that you're suddenly speaking to me for no reason. We need to make eye contact. We need to be sharing some tiny experience.

Maybe it would help if you presented some context for when you think it's okay. Then we could talk about why we would or wouldn't feel comfortable?


CassandraW said:
But unless he crosses a line, I just keep walking and act like I didn't hear him. I think that's usually best anyway, if your object is to get rid of him. And it's not a bad idea to have a certain aggressive walk and posture going. I've made it a point to master a "don't fuck with me" expression and body language for the subways and streets. I also find it useful when traveling alone, which I do a lot.

We shouldn't have to do this. We shouldn't be required to develop expression shields or change the way we walk or our body language to deter harassment. We should be able to just be who we are and act the way we naturally act, and men should simply stop harassing.
 

kaitie

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I can honestly say I've never had someone just say "good day" or "how are you" and thought that they were being rude. In fact, I've usually found it nice.

That said, I might just not be hot enough to randomly get hit on like that. ;) I've also been told that I don't recognize when someone is hitting on me at all, so there's that, too. Mostly, though, I went from living in an area where no one said would say good afternoon to someone, to one where it's pretty common just as a politeness thing. I'd like to think that it matters where you are, too, and that there are some places where it might not be something rude.

My SO is someone who will say "good day" to everyone he sees, too, and that's also never struck me as unusual.

I'm not saying that it can't be, or that it's wrong to be creeped out by it, just that I'm kind of surprised because it's not been my experience.
 

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I mentioned it before, but I'm a very friendly person and one of my favorite things on planet Earth is a genuine pleasant exchange with someone I don't know. Cheerful courtesy is one of life's blessings. If it's the little things that count, it counts double.

But I've watched that video twice. None of those barkings are genuinely pleasant greetings.
 

robeiae

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No, they're not.

Just because someone finds one person more attractive than everyone else on a street, it doesn't give them license to single that person out with uninvited attention.

There are plenty of ways to compliment someone--and even try to engage them in conversation--that don't cross any lines. But when the someone in question is clearly doing something that doesn't allow for such things--like walking down a street in a direct fashion--pretty much any approach is over the line. Imo.
 

CassandraW

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We shouldn't have to do this. We shouldn't be required to develop expression shields or change the way we walk or our body language to deter harassment. We should be able to just be who we are and act the way we naturally act, and men should simply stop harassing.

I don't just do it for cat-callers. I do it for muggers, rapists, aggressive panhandlers and anyone who might try to mess with me. And unless the world in general has a kumbaya epiphany, it's the more practical approach.

Besides living in NYC, I have traveled alone to 31 countries and 6 continents, and I'm not done yet. Also, I am small. So it behooves me as a general thing to look like I'm not to be messed with. Aggressive body language goes far in warding off the ugly. I took some self-defense lessons a few years ago, and that was one of the first things the instructor taught me -- how to avoid looking like a target. (He was talking attackers, not catcallers, but still.) It won't ward off everything, of course, but it will ward off those looking for easy pickings. And FWIW, I think it deters most of the "follow you down the street" or "you're not going to answer me, bitch?" creeps.

FWIW, the only place I've ever been where I received a LOT of unwelcome attention I couldn't ignore or shrug off easily was Egypt. That was fucking hell. I was creeped out at every turn.
 

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I mentioned it before, but I'm a very friendly person and one of my favorite things on planet Earth is a genuine pleasant exchange with someone I don't know. Cheerful courtesy is one of life's blessings. If it's the little things that count, it counts double.

But I've watched that video twice. None of those barkings are genuinely pleasant greetings.

and that is the distinction, for sure.
 

ULTRAGOTHA

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I hope I've been clear that I understand that this does happen. There is no justification for this. This *is* harassment.

By cutting off the examples immediately after the "have a nice day" moment, however, I think the video (perhaps unwittingly, not trying to speak for the creators of the video) argues for no interaction at all.

I don't like a world like that. I don't have a right to it, either, but I don't feel any guilt for wanting a friendlier world.


You’re coming across as feeling angry and insulted that the woman didn’t respond to “Have a nice day” called at her every six minutes.

I’m angry and insulted that women have to put up with strangers calling out to them every six minutes. And you seem to me to be urging that women should put up with it for the sake of you wanting a friendlier world.

That’s crap.

How about men don’t call out to strangers passing them on the street? How about we all interact with people based on context. If I’m walking down the street, intent on where I’m going, that’s not an invitation to interact with me. I’ll probably make an exception to that if I already know you; but strangers? Shut up and let me get on with my day. No, I don’t want any interaction at all. I just want to get to where I’m going.

It’s wearying. It’s oppressive. It’s death of my psyche from 100,000 cuts. I don’t have the energy to have to navigate guys calling out to me every six minutes. That energy I expend to do that comes from the rest of my life—it comes from my writing, and my ability to cook delicious dinners. It comes from making art or sewing or dealing with my family. I am angry and insulted that I have to expend that precious energy just to walk around on public streets.

Do GUYS have to make those calculations every six minutes? Do GUYS get called at by strangers every six minutes? Do GUYS have to brace themselves for the inevitable “fu*king prick” when they don’t respond to those calls? Every six minutes? Every single day?

You appear to be saying we should assume most guys saying “have a nice day” are friendly. But they’re not, really. They’re demanding my attention. They’re intruding on my thoughts. They’re making me spend energy I don’t want to spend. I have no idea which of those “friendly” guys, and on any given day it will be one or more of them, is going to follow up “have a nice day” with “fu*king bitch” if I keep walking. I just want to walk down the damned street and get to where I’m going.

If you want to interact with me, then get yourself into a context where I’m looking for interaction. A bar. A party. An outdoor concert. A celebration. A convention. A gathering after worship. Someplace where talking to a stranger is contextually appropriate and safe. I’ll talk with you till our ears fall off, then.

You want a friendlier world? So do I. One place it starts is with everyone—you, me, everyone—speaking out against intrusive, sexist call-outs and not excusing them.
 

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Her body language very clearly states "I want to be left alone". Therefore, even if they were truly just kind strangers wanting for a friendlier world, it is still inappropriate. She is saying "Leave me alone" with her body and expression and they're choosing to ignore her and assert their will anyway. That does not help propagate a friendlier world.
 

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Egypt is indeed awful. Italy and Russia were nearly as bad.

Italy, Russia, Spain, Greece -- lots of attention, but I found I could usually ward it off and send the guys packing without too much ado. (Though there was one very big exception in Greece.)

Nothing worked in Egypt. The driver who picked me up from the airport and brought me to my hotel in Cairo stalked me the entire time I was there, waiting around the hotel and accosting me when I came and went. The hotel staff did nothing -- the men there were almost as bad. My tour guide hit on me unrelentingly, and didn't seem to recognize my icy refusals. Shop owners, men on the street, staff on my Nile cruise boat. God, it sucked. They all seemed to be thinking "she's American, therefore she is a prostitute." And btw, I dressed like a freaking nun the whole time I was there -- loose skirt to my ankles, loose blouse buttoned to my neck, long sleeves, no makeup, hair in a bun.

Interestingly, the men in Jordan were pretty respectful overall. I went there expecting more Egypt crap, and was very pleasantly surprised.
 

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There is a distinction, and it's just obvious to most people. It's not, as most have pointed out, in the words, but the context and situation.

Someone pointed out a guy sitting on a box who asked how she was doing that morning as likely innocuous. I'd agree. That guy, or a guy like him, and they do exist, like the shopkeeper I think Heza mentioned, does greet or say 'good morning,' to men as well as women as well as children who cross his not-well-crossed path.

There's a distinct and, at least in my citified experience, immediately obvious difference between someone minding his fruit truck or waiting for whatever, who says 'good morning,' because it's morning and he's a friendly person who'd chat up a wandering pigeon and someone who says, 'have a good day,' singling out a woman, alone or with other women, to get a reaction. The latter need to shut the fuck up.

Context? Every six minutes.

Every six minutes for ten hours.

I'm from a small town in the Midwest. Someone I don't know saying hello wouldn't even register on my radar. Men, women, children, teenagers. Perfectly normal.

But just men, every six minutes? I'd be claustrophobic after the first hour. My day would go from enjoyable to "Get away from me, don't talk to me, don't touch me, I have mace."

That's the expression on her face. ;)

Just btw, there are a lot of those she didn't actually hear. In her hands, you can see in the video, are mics. She said she and the guy in front of her making the video (he had a camera hidden in his backpack aimed back at her and was just walking ahead of her as if they had nothing to do with one another) hadn't heard a portion of what the mics picked up, because the mics were picking up sound from behind her.

I can honestly say I've never had someone just say "good day" or "how are you" and thought that they were being rude. In fact, I've usually found it nice.

That said, I might just not be hot enough to randomly get hit on like that. ;) I've also been told that I don't recognize when someone is hitting on me at all, so there's that, too. Mostly, though, I went from living in an area where no one said would say good afternoon to someone, to one where it's pretty common just as a politeness thing. I'd like to think that it matters where you are, too, and that there are some places where it might not be something rude.

My SO is someone who will say "good day" to everyone he sees, too, and that's also never struck me as unusual.

I'm not saying that it can't be, or that it's wrong to be creeped out by it, just that I'm kind of surprised because it's not been my experience.

I liked that she's not particularly 'hot.' I don't, obviously I hope, mean that in any judgmental or pejorative way. I mean she looks like a 'normal,' woman, dressed normally. If she was a head-turningly hot model or dressed differently, there'd be tons of people (not here, in a general response sense) saying that's why she was getting the comments.
 

AMCrenshaw

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The idea of sympathizing with someone is emotionally mapping another human's experience, and this mapping might be in error.

A good example of this erroneous thinking/feeling might be: women love this kind of cat-calling wolf-whistling attention. They need it, crave it. I know I'd love to receive this kind of attention, so I'm just empathizing here - right?

Or

You ever get the sense someone wants to speak with you on a more or less personal or professional basis (for any number of reasons, really) but chooses not to because there is a lack of clear context -- it might be too awkward, the approach might be clumsy, there's genuine worry about giving off sexual innuendos, etc -- but then there is regret for having not said something.

"It would have been nice if he'd said something. Oh well. Moving on."

"Well if that's what she's thinking I don't want to be a coward and pass up on a really nice opportunity."


I agree with another poster: the sharing of an experience is a big help, but even then, I don't always feel that's enough to invade someone else's little sphere of existence.

Herein lies the problem: I'm sitting at the cafe: I don't necessarily want someone to sit with me. 99% of the time, I'm trying to concentrate. To write. To get work done. If you sit with me, you are distracting me. Why would I not expect this situation to be common to the human?

It would be worse: hey, you have really beautiful eyes, boy. Thanks, they're staring at the notebook. Great. I really wanted my face to turn bright red today. Just what I wanted, to be put on the spot.

Yes! There are sensitive men! and they don't like being lumped in with those others who are making cat calls, harassing statements, veiled or overt threats -- so there is or will be some element of self-defense involved when such a man feels like a real weirdo for wanting to explain themselves or other men they've known who don't behave that way, or do so in such a way the women-as-objects are unaware of their behavior.

(such as screaming HOT DAMN GIRL from the inside of a noisy car, referring to a jogger, yep)

I agree though that taking a defensive approach is against empathy.

Defending oneself requires talking when one might prefer to listen.
 
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Angie

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Just because someone finds one person more attractive than everyone else on a street, it doesn't give them license to single that person out with uninvited attention.

THANK YOU.

Your right to have a "friendly world" and say hello to random women on the street does NOT preclude my right to walk unaccosted down that same street.

I grew up in a very rural Midwest town. I was pretty sheltered, really, and I come from a friendly family. I'm used to greeting people passing on the street with a friendly smile and a hello.

Then I moved to a city, shortly after high school. I was already in a bit of culture shock...and then I discovered what happens if you smile and say hello to a guy you pass on a city street.

Then I found out what happens if you just try to walk on the street without greeting everyone.

Yes, one (or even three) "Good mornings" or "Have a nice days" is fine. But when it's the fifteenth time, and only two of those have NOT been followed up with a creepy stare, a "Bitch." when you don't respond, or "You'd be a lot prettier if you'd SMILE," then EVERY one of those greetings starts to feel ominous. Every one of them feels like an intrusion.

Yes, there are women who don't mind the "compliments." But there are also women who have been sexually assaulted, or who suffer from anxiety disorders, or who just want to be left the fuck alone to go about their day without feeling OBLIGATED to respond to every unsolicited interaction from men she doesn't know.
 

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I saw this (someone posted it on facebook), and there were a lot of comments to the effect that:

1. The situation was set up.
2. She was being unfriendly (not smiling, walking fast, and avoiding all eye contact)
3. Some of the guys were being "friendly," and what's wrong with this bitch for making men feel bad for wanting to be friendly? Men don't have an obligation to avoid casual contact with random women they find attractive and who might want to go out with them, just because so many women are crazy and fearful.

So the conclusion these people drew was that

1. This doesn't really happen to most women, or at least it doesn't happen this often, so women need to get over it.
2. There's a way a woman can respond to "friendly" overtures from random (male) strangers that discourages harassment. It entails finding some perfect line between being "rude" like this woman was, and being "too friendly."
3. One of the guys said, "God Bless," which proves that such random interactions aren't always hostile on the part of men, so therefore the entire premise is wrong.
4. Some men do this because they honestly like the woman and want to go out with her.

I call BS on these conclusions, personally. It does happen to real women at least sometimes. Most often when they're alone and they walk past a group of guys. And there is no one perfect response that walks the line between "too unfriendly" and "too encouraging" that discourages all contact.

And an occasional guy who initiates contact because he genuinely doesn't know that it can be intimidating (even in a city like New York, where no one is supposed to talk to or acknowledge anyone), or because he has a different agenda (like saving souls or asking for money) doesn't mean that most women don't get a lot of genuine harassment.

And randomly approaching female strangers who are walking purposefully on city streets while avoiding eye contact has never been even remotely successful as a strategy for getting dates, and these guys damned well know it.
 
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Yes! There are sensitive men! and they don't like being lumped in with those others who are making cat calls, harassing statements, veiled or overt threats -- so there is or will be some element of self-defense involved when such a man feels like a real weirdo for wanting to explain themselves or other men they've known who don't behave that way, or do so in such a way the women-as-objects are unaware of their behavior.

(such as screaming HOT DAMN GIRL from the inside of a noisy car, referring to a jogger, yep)

I agree though that taking a defensive approach is against empathy.

Defending oneself requires talking when one might prefer to listen.

Here's the thing, imo - men who get it can't comprehend this behaviour. They do not and would not engage in this behaviour, by their very nature.

This video made the local news, as it's a local story. The male anchor, as it ended, turned to one of the female anchors with a totally disbelieving look on his face and said, "that's insanity. It's just insane. In the history of time, that's never worked; why do they think that'll work?'

The female anchor said she didn't think the guys were actually looking to like, pick her up, and the guy was like, 'then why....?!' he was simply baffled. I'm guessing he's never done it, wouldn't do it, doesn't have friends who'd do it; he's not that guy.

One of the female anchors said, in acknowledgement, that the only way to stop this, because it's been going on for so long, is for men to explain to men how not cool this behaviour is. She said, 'if you wouldn't want someone to say it to your mom, or your gf, or you wouldn't say it to someone with your own gf standing right next to you, DON'T SAY IT.' She asked the first female anchor what she'd do if her husband said something like that, and that woman leaned back, 'he's not that kind of guy. He'd never do something like that!" "See?"
 

robjvargas

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I agree, Roxxsmom.
I saw this (someone posted it on facebook), and there were a lot of comments to the effect that:

1. The situation was set up.
So what? That makes the harassment okay? I don't see how.
2. She was being unfriendly (not smiling, walking fast, and avoiding all eye contact)
Another lack of concern from me. Even if that's discourteous, and it isn't, she's not allowed to have a bad day? Or just want to be left alone?
3. Some of the guys were being "friendly," and what's wrong with this bitch for making men feel bad for wanting to be friendly? Men don't have an obligation to avoid casual contact with random women they find attractive and who might want to go out with them, just because so many women are crazy and fearful.
Yecch. I know that sounds very close to what I'm saying. There's a difference. I don't presume the intentions of the men in the couple of examples I complain about. My complaint is that the video counts them in without showing that they did anything but issue a small, friendly phrase of meeting. We don't know, and video doesn't show, that anything really happened there that deserves to be call harrassment.

I call BS on these conclusions, personally. It does happen to real women at least sometimes.

I agree.

And it happens way too often. Like I said, the video has a base message, and my complaint about a detail does NOT invalidate that message. I'm referring to one data point, not to the conclusion drawn overall.

To ULTRAGOTHA:
You’re coming across as feeling angry and insulted that the woman didn’t respond to “Have a nice day” called at her every six minutes.
This isn't what the video showed, so it isn't what I was speaking about. The "have a nice day" was (I think) two examples. Well, three. I leave the third one out because the video showed the man calling her out for not responding. That third example *is* harassment, so I'm not protesting that.

And I'm not protesting the video overall. I think my OP comes across as though I am, even though I write that I agree with the video overall. If my post gave that impression, I apologize. If I've been unclear, let me be clear now: I support what this man and woman did, I oppose what the film illustrated (the harassment). I admire the woman putting up with that for ten hours.
 

Papaya

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I was actually going to start a thread about this myself yesterday, because this has happened to me before. I just didn’t end up having time. I'm still on a deadline, so I’m going to try and be brief here.

This happened to me once when I was walking the streets of San Francisco. It was the first day of a new office job, and I hadn't figured the Muni schedule out yet, so I ended up walking a bunch of blocks to and from the ferry that day. 50 to 100 men randomly called out to me in all sorts of different ways. I don’t recall a single woman feeling the need to demand my attention while I walked down the street. It did not matter how polite some of these men were; all of them wanted my attention, and I felt more and more overwhelmed and threatened. I didn’t acknowledge anyone, but that didn’t matter. I started walking faster and faster, with my head bowed, hoping nobody would notice me. But then they started telling me to smile and cheer up. Walking by a group of working men, such as a construction site, became hell.

I was 18 and had never lived in a city before. I was not prepared for the attention. I didn't even know that street harassment existed. The experience ended up having a huge impact on my life. The next day, I had the Muni schedule worked out, but I still had to walk some of the way. From that day on, I never forgot to wear sunglasses when I was walking on a public street. The sunglasses helped me disappear, but not enough, and soon I added headphones.

I am nearing my mid-thirties now, and to this day I am nervous on my own in public. When I was 18, I found a way to blend in plain sight, such that people rarely notice me anymore. For someone as sensitive as me, I had to do that in order to survive. By the time I was strong enough not to need to hide, it had become such a strong habit that I'm not sure I'll ever be able to change it. And that comes with its own set of sorrows.
 
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Celia Cyanide

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This is why it kind of annoys me to hear complaints about, "everybody on commuter trains and busses is looking at their phones! They never look at each other!" yeah, I prefer to be left alone, sorry.
 

CassandraW

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FWIW, if I had a son, I would certainly teach him NOT to randomly yell things at women on the street, even "you're beautiful." At best, it's fairly pointless, at worst, you might really freak someone out. But honestly, I think many of the guys who do the "you're beautiful" and "hi" stuff don't mean any harm. It's sad how many perfectly nice guys are utterly clueless that they might come off as stalkers/creeps.

Heh. Story time. About a year ago, I noticed a guy looking at me in the grocery store (in 4 or 5 different aisles), and could tell he was debating talking to me. My gut (which I trust) said "shy, a bit awkward, but not dangerous." I was dating someone, so I wasn't going to encourage him, but I wasn't freaked out.

He didn't work up the courage to strike up a conversation in the store. But when I stepped out of the store (onto a crowded sidewalk, btw), there he was, waiting.

He blurted out "Hi!"

I said "Hi!"

There was a pause. Then he turned bright red, and said, "Um, I noticed you're chewing gum. Do you have an extra piece?"

:roll:

I gave him the gum. He walked about half a block with me, with neither of us saying a word, then I turned a corner and left him behind. I have no idea whether he was really after me or just coveted my gum.


I must say this, though -- I wouldn't recommend that a guy never talk to strange women. I've met some interesting people that way -- and one I dated for a while. It's all in the approach and the context. And about knowing when to back the fuck off, and when you should just stay away altogether. (Unfortunately, I suppose that requires a certain amount of savoir faire.)
 
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