"Benveolent" Stalker

kuwisdelu

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Yes, that's good point. Entitlement covers a lot of it - but I suppose I view entitlement as empathy-related. I'm entitled to have what I want, regardless of how you might feel about it. Entitlement dissipates somewhat under the force of empathy, don't you think?

I think sometimes it can also be insecurity and terminal loneliness.

Sometimes even negative attention from your unrequited can be better than being apart or being ignored.
 

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I think sometimes it can also be insecurity and terminal loneliness.

Sometimes even negative attention from your unrequited can be better than being apart or being ignored.

I think this is especially true for folks who have real social issues. Often times making friends and connecting with people can be extremely difficult for them, and they'll desperately grasp for whatever they can find.
 
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Fruitbat

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I've had the occasional guy who dogged me too much but none since I've been married. In my experience, they don't do it if there's another male in the picture. I'm not sure how severe it should be before we'd call it "stalking," but it can be scary or just very annoying. The worst two situations I can think of were not strangers but breaking up with guys who didn't want to be broken up with. Suicide threats, violence threats, etc. Also, I don't think there could have been a better for them to ensure that I'd never want them back. Batshit crazy is not attractive. @.@

The problem I've had since then is not at the level that I'd consider "stalking" although I might call it that when annoyed. It's been from (platonic) female friends. Sorry if this is a derail, but it might fit under "benevolent" stalking and I never hear about it. A woman you've been acquaintances with, started to get a bit closer to, then got to know them a little better and changed your mind about friendship. And rather than take a hint, they'd call repeatedly, show up, cajole, argue, demand, cry and act like their best friend has abandoned them when you barely knew each other. It's very annoying and a bit scary that they're so damned interested. What the hell. Anyone know?
 
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robjvargas

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I've had the occasional guy who dogged me too much but none since I've been married. In my experience, they don't do it if there's another male in the picture. I'm not sure how severe it should be before we'd call it "stalking," but it can be scary or just very annoying. The worst two situations I can think of were not strangers but breaking up with guys who didn't want to be broken up with. Suicide threats, violence threats, etc. Also, I don't think there could have been a better for them to ensure that I'd never want them back. Batshit crazy is not attractive. @.@

The problem I've had since then is not at the level that I'd consider "stalking" although I might call it that when annoyed. It's been from (platonic) female friends. Sorry if this is a derail, but it might fit under "benevolent" stalking and I never hear about it. A woman you've been acquaintances with, started to get a bit closer to, then got to know them a little better and changed your mind about friendship. And rather than take a hint, they'd call repeatedly, show up, cajole, argue, demand, cry and act like their best friend has abandoned them when you barely knew each other. It's very annoying and a bit scary that they're so damned interested. What the hell. Anyone know?

Oh, it's known about alright.
 

Fruitbat

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@rob- Omg, I forgot about the copy-catting! I'm definitely going to watch that movie. Thanks.
 

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So, I scanned this thread and hope I didn't miss where this was already posted, but a couple of days ago, a reviewer who had argued with this guy online over a review of his book claims that he tracked her down and clomped her over the head with a wine bottle.

WARNING: the pictures are gruesome.

http://paigeylou.tumblr.com/post/100322554795/why-we-should-be-far-more-careful-online


Here's her edit of the review on Goodreads:

The writer of the World Rose is arrogant. SO arrogant, in fact, that my review hit him where it hurts a little to hard. In return, he found out where I worked through Facebook, came from LONDON to where I live in the east of Scotland, and attacked me by hitting me over the head with a wine bottle from behind. Not a word or a sound. And then he left. I had to be taken to hospital to receive medical treatment for it, which included several stitches in my head.

Warning - make sure you are internet safe. Check your privacy settings. Because sick men like Mr. Brittain do exist.

[EDIT 2] - For those asking, of course charges are being pressed. I required medical attention, and had the hit been anywhere else or had I been hit harder, I could have died. Don't worry, I am making sure things are being done about this.



And a more detailed account, without pictures, here.
 
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CQuinlan

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Seriously. Why isn't this man in jail? He's admitted to at least two crimes.
 

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Creepy as it is, my focus would be less on what he's done and more on what he may do. When does his present creepiness mutate and darken further? When does the silly pretense of benevolence finally get dropped?

You're a sooth-sayer.
 

robjvargas

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So, I scanned this thread and hope I didn't miss where this was already posted, but a couple of days ago, a reviewer who had argued with this guy online over a review of his book claims that he tracked her down and clomped her over the head with a wine bottle.

WARNING: the pictures are gruesome.

http://paigeylou.tumblr.com/post/100322554795/why-we-should-be-far-more-careful-online
Gruesome they are, but anyone who thinks "benevolent" stalking even exists needs to look at them.

There is no such thing as benevolent, benign, or harmless stalking. Once it's accepted, or not confronted, it escalates.
 

robjvargas

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Hmm, interesting point. But I think it's not perceived so creepy but more as annoyingly persistent when the admirer is more open about it, instead of being secretive about it or trying to draw little attention to it except from the victim.
I had a recent conversation with a female acquaintance that got me thinking about this thread, and about the little "Urkel" subtopic.

She had a "pet stalker," she called him. Someone she considers a friend, and who has helped her in the past, as a real friend would do. He makes no secret of his desire to make their relationship something more. And keeps trying. They share many friends, so they are always running in the same circles.

He's never done anything to make her feel creeped, but since he's around so much, that's where she tagged him.

I don't think my acquaintance's friend is a stalker at all. But the similarity to the Steve Urkel character did strike me.

Anyway, just tossing it out there for consideration.
 

heza

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I don't think my acquaintance's friend is a stalker at all. But the similarity to the Steve Urkel character did strike me.

I don't think that person qualifies as a stalker, either. I don't think a stalker can also be your friend. Being a friend removes someone who's always around from the stalker category. There's a big difference, imo, between a friend who likes you and is blatantly pursuing you and who is always around but within shared social circles and someone you don't consider a friend who covertly likes you and is always around for no other reason than that they feel the need to observe you.
 

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There's a big difference, imo, between a friend who likes you and is blatantly pursuing you and who is always around but within shared social circles and someone you don't consider a friend who covertly likes you and is always around for no other reason than that they feel the need to observe you.

True, though it certainly doesn't have to be "covertly liking someone" to be stalking. You've basically nailed the point: "is always around for no (other/good) reason" that isn't centred around the person being stalked. Can be observing, can be a whole lot of other things, but the sole reason they're constantly around is the person they're obsessed with.

It's something else if someone already has a good reason to pretty often end up in the same area--being friends, sharing classes, living on the same street, several mutual friends/acquaintances, etc. They still can be observing them a lot when they're around, and they can keep trying to persuade them into a relationship, sure, but they're not following someone around. Doesn't necessarily mean it's harmless, benign or any less annoying if someone who does have a reason to be around you keeps observing you or trying to ask you out every day, mind. It's not stalking--but it still can be (can be, not is always) a (different) form of harassment.