Slow & Sensual.

I have the same issue!

I always end up going "hardcore" when it comes to sex scenes. I don't like the "fade to black" tactic because it makes me feeling lacking as a reader. XD

I'm probably not the greatest resource as a writer to answer this, but as a reader, I can tell you how I think it's accomplished. For every act you describe, the next sentence or two is about the feelings elicited. So, something like: her palm slid down his torso, over the ridged muscles of his low abdomen. (Act) He was solid. Vital, yet she could feel the fine tremor pass through him, (Observation) as if the anticipation might kill him after all. (Feeling)

OK, really schmaltzy, but it's a quick example of how it seems to work to me. The actual physical descriptions are sort of book-ended with "feelings." Also, it's a lot about word choice. Any verb that can do double duty as act/softer feeling is a winner, and adjective/noun combos can to the job too. One book I read described needing to get their clothes off as removing their "miserable layers" and I thought that was a pretty nice way of communicating the urgency of her feelings without any show of physical action.

As for making it not-boring, one person's boring might be another person's slow burn so I don't think you can worry about that while you're writing. I tend to enjoy stories that have a some element of raw with the softer stuff. Too much description of feelings leaves me skimming, so keeping it interesting with more stark language or descriptions is welcome variety. As long as it's character-appropriate, of course, not just for the sake of it.

I think the common wisdom I've read in here before applies: if it feels sensual to you, you're probably on the right track.

What Elaine said: show the emotions.

I can be a hardcore writer, but I'm often just as happy to write less graphic scenes. The M/M/F fantasy novel I'm revising right now has: one M/F post-sex scene morphing into banter, one M/F kiss, one M/M kiss, one male main character watching an unrelated orgy for educational purposes, and one final M/M kiss. A whole lot of sexual tension in between. Sloppy buckets of emotion, as three people figure out how they fit together in two cultures that will try to tear them apart.

Over a decade ago, I took part in a fan fiction challenge. Two male main characters, the more 'out' guy having the hots for the 'closeted' one, and engineering a one-night trial to prove that he can be the right lover. Points if we could twist around the challenge, somehow. I was very happy with my entry, which somehow managed graphic and lyrical (according to the kudos I still get from new readers to that fandom).

I was happier with a friend's entry. She described the closeted guy getting ready for the assignation, his nerves and his resolve, and his relief that his partner wasn't taking this as a big stupid joke. And then my friend showed her genius. Uncomfortable at writing graphic gay sex, she didn't.

She wrote (my paraphrase): 'No matter the immediate physical sensations, he was left with the overall impression of warmth, safety...and joy." She showed the guy's emotional state, which lead neatly into the story' s Black Moment.

M/M readers, a lot of us, came from the raunchy depths of slash fan fiction. But there's a whole world of erotic and romantic stories that don't need vividly described sex.

Our own Maryn has a lovely, creepy little story about pearls that has stayed with me to this day.

I enjoy writing slow build-up and sensual as well as hip-thrusting and hard core. I write them with the same principles in mind, but for the former, my characters spend more time on the 'senses'--smell, touch, taste, sound etc. and showing internal 'reaction' in the form of what they are thinking and feeling. I also, if appropriate to the tone of the book, inject humour. Not everything is perfect in sex and I like to see that reflected in an intimate scene (slow and sensual or hard and fast). Also, the quickest way to bore me as a reader is for a sex scene to go on forever. Just because it's a slow-burn scene doesn't mean the pacing has to be slow, so I think you should 'write tight', and make it as long as it needs to be--and no more.

Slow and sensual can be sexy as hell, without any hardcore stuff needed. Just concentrate on the emotion elicited by the act, as Elaine said, and also focus more on the senses, as pisco just said. Titillation and sensuality can be a lot hotter than hardcore sex scenes, though I would say they are probably harder to write well. Have you ever read anything by Rikki DuCornet? She doesn't write erotica necessarily, but she writes sensuality sooo well.

I LOVE slow and sensual, in real life and in writing. I think I do it OK, in writing at least. I wonder if this is the place where we might post up some snippits to talk about what works best?

To slow it down, I go into a lot more detail. But, the contents of that detail is what makes the difference. I write about how the characters feel more than about what they are doing, although both are included, of course. Does s/he push in hard and uncontrollably passionate or gently and caring? How does her/his partner respond? Why do they feel that way. Every action means something and we are taking the time to think about that briefly before the next action comes along, pushing us towards an unstoppable, mutual orgasm.

Well, like that.

I think that sex scenes are really no different from other relationship scenes. What is the story between the characters? How do they express their goals and desires physically, emotionally, verbally? Every movement, every breath, every touch is a response to the previous one. Maybe the word 'closeup' could help to illuminate this? I am sure that, if your other scenes are written in this way, the sex scenes will be easy. After all, so much happens in an erotic encounter during every second...