School sends out flyer on how to deal with Bullies. This will show 'em.

Sigh

Other gems:

*Assume the person "being mean" is "trying to help."
*Do not be afraid.
*Do not verbally defend yourself.
*Do not physically defend yourself. (phrased as "do not attack.")

They basically tell the kids that they are to treat bullies as friends and not "be mean" in retaliation because that's not how you treat your friends...er... yeah...

Oh, that kind of stuff was HUGE in the 80s. I knew one parent whose kid was absolutely bullied for being a rather feminine little chap. In Australia there's always been a big thing again "dobbing" on people or being weak, so when these parents finally went up and complained it was because things had really become unsafe. (The child had come home bleeding more than once).

The response from the teacher (in front of the headmistress) : "Weeellll - he is a lit-tle bit of a Victim, isn't he?"

I think he was seven or eight at the time...

Just stepped into the house after a grueling day of teenaged media- fueled drama over bullying. Our school is small and rural. These kids are cowboys and farm hands. I shudder to think what is going on in bigcity schools. The entire high school has 92 students, about half hispanic, half anglo. Everyone gets along until this one kid starts spewing racial and sexual rants. In the past it has set kids against each other. Not this time. This time the kids hung together. The principal was able to deal out well deserved punishment.

So guess who sees herself/ himself as the victim. Yup--the bully. This is the third time this year that it has happened this way and still he/she does not learn. The trouble usually begins in the evening as FB remarks or a twitter war. Next day the bully stays home sick and then tweets and texts poison, singling out students as to "brown" or "white" . Brown kids are mud and shit. White kids are whores, sluts and retards. Naturally the dumb-ass classmates respond to the slurs, even though phones and media are prohibited in school. And then the bully's threats begin--"If anyone tells ..."you will be sorry because ..." or "everyone knows that you ..." or " I'll post this..."

When things get really ugly the kids decide to tell a teacher because the whole thing is escalating and out of control and threats have been made-- lucky me this time. Fortunately two kids had the good sense to save the slurs and threats this time. One really organized senior girl even made a timeline--something that brightened the history teacher's day. Still, there is the big question: WTF were you doing with your phone in school when it is clearly against the rules?????? Trust me, I asked this many times today, as did the principal and counselor.

It was an ugly situation. Some of those texts could have led to a brawl or even an assault. And something had to be done because this bully kid is off the rails and needs help. The kids at school didn't get in trouble for the phones and texting because they did stick together and they did tell an adult, like we told them to do. Personally I would have gathered up every phone and thrown them into the saltmarsh... Sorry--don't mean to derail but it was a stressful, wasted day. This idiotic flyer set me off.

I have never heard anything so stupid. Surely it was a joke that should have stayed in the faculty lounge?

Placating a bully? I cannot imagine anyone seriously giving that kind of advice and I have been an educator most of my life. The kids banding together and tattling today, stopped this bully. Illogical as it seems, bullies see themselves as victims. And a bully's parents are even worse because they have been at it for a longer time. A big part of the drama was convincing the parents that their kid was even doing this. It took the screen shots to convince them that their kid was in the wrong and I'm not sure they will not become unconvinced over night. Thank god I am only a simple classroom teacher. No wonder administrators are nuckin' futz.

A united front does work. When they can't find support for their bullying ways they don't back down but they do lose power. Cannot wait to share this idiotic flyer with my colleagues. We need a good laugh--s6

I wish I could say I was surprised, but I'm not. I've heard most of this advice before. I heard a good amount of it in elementary school myself. I was told by some of the adults at my school that I was bullied because I was an easy target and reacted in the way the bully wanted. If I refused to get upset and didn't give them the reaction they wanted, I was told they would stop. I also had it drilled into my head that tattling was the worst crime ever. During this period I'd sometimes get in trouble for hiding under my desk. During recess and lunch I hid in the library. I think my mother tried to talk to the teacher when I began to beg not to have to go to school, but it didn't help. So she tried to teach me to throw a punch. That didn't help either. Luckily I graduated from hell and my middle school was awesome.

Okay. Bad flashback there. Carry on.

shakeysix said:

------ (snip)------
Naturally the dumb-ass classmates respond to the slurs, even though phones and media are prohibited in school. And then the bully's threats begin--"If anyone tells ..."you will be sorry because ..." or "everyone knows that you ..." or " I'll post this..."
-------(snip)------
Fortunately two kids had the good sense to save the slurs and threats this time. One really organized senior girl even made a timeline--something that brightened the history teacher's day.

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I agree that if phones etc are forbidden in school, what was going on? But, the media did help the kids realise that they were all in it together, and, if they hadn't used the phones/e-mail, etc, some of those kids wouldn't have realised that there was support, and would have read that crap later, after school, all alone in their rooms, and things likely would have been worse at school the next day.

Also, the end of the year is coming up, and while it's probably unfair to single out a few of the students, and even worse to rehash this on the podium on awards day (or whatever you have: you know, where every single athlete is acknowledged, and the debate and chess clubs get a single round of applause for the group), I hope that the school can find some way to show appreciation for the 'ringleaders' who saved the hateful messages, and made a timeline of events and such. Usually the problem is that no-one realises that evidence-gathering should be done, because they're reacting in the moment.

I've just finished writing a book on stopping bullying and violence in South African schools (for Random House Struik) and I nearly had a conniption when I read that flyer. No kidding it was a 'mistake'!

Part of it was correct - not reacting to bullies by getting upset has the opposite effect to what bullies want - but the rest was about as wrong as it can get!

There's a big difference between being a tattle-tale and 'telling'. A tattle-tale will report on another child's behavior for the sole purpose of getting that child into trouble. It's an act of spite - using the teacher (or other adult) as a weapon to inflict meanness. Telling, on the other hand, is the honest reporting of behavior that is causing, or is likely to cause, harm, injury or damage. Telling should be considered the civil duty of every bystander to an incident of bullying - even if the victim is reluctant to report it.

I don't believe that 'telling' should be rewarded with more than a 'thank you'. It's a moral duty.

shakeysix said:

A united front does work. When they can't find support for their bullying ways they don't back down but they do lose power.

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This ^! Absolutely!

shakeysix said:

WTF were you doing with your phone in school when it is clearly against the rules??????

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"This is a phone-free zone" has an interesting ring to it.

"When phones are outlawed, only outlaws have phones."

I find it fascinating that a tool now proven to be extremely useful for self-defense is forbidden to those who obey the rules.

Not that there are any lessons to be learned there, or anything.

Like guns, phones and hand held social media don't work so well in the hands of the irresponsible, the hostile and the hopelessly out of touch--s6

I wish I could say that any of this surprised me, but as a former teacher and someone who has seem some horrific bullying and the even more horrific couldn't-care-less attitudes some adults have to is (parents and teachers) I'm not surprised.

There's another thread here of a boy arrested for using an iPad to record the bullying he was experiencing. That school had him arrested. For recording bullying.

Some of you have provided examples outside the USA. I realize that this isn't just a problem inside the USA. But I'm tired of seeing school administration officials in the USA who respond to crises by trying to attack the victims. And not just in bullying cases.

This wasn't supposed to go home? So it was... what? A joke? There's a deeper problem here. CBS reports they called it a "staff issue."

Hell yeah, it's a staff issue, a god-damn big one if it's so OK that anyone on staff thought this wasn't a problem. I doubt it can ever be proven, but I'm convinced this got to parents because when the staff saw it, they smiled, nodded their heads, agreed. Right on up the school executives.

I actually remember the "second punch starts the fight." rule from when I was in school. The official policy was that a single punch was an assault, but a retaliatory one made it a fight, and fighting was against school rules. Even in the case of someone who was pinned against a locker with no way to escape their attacker. She was disciplined for defending herself at that point (and boy did she ever...), then suspended for fighting. All the school would say was the official "she should have walked away" line. When the girl's parents tried to point out that walking away wasn't a possibility when being physically held against a solid object, while the person holding you is blocking the way, they still got no more than "there are always alternatives to violence. Fighting is against the rules; be happy she's not expelled."

The sad fact is that many times the teachers and administration are just as afraid of these creeps as the kids they terrorize. They don't want to have to intervene. When the rules turn into "Don't tell and Don't defend yourself," then the problem "goes away" because suddenly, there's no one bothering to mention that they're being terrorized anymore. The kids being bullied realize it does no good.

Cyia said:

The sad fact is that many times the teachers and administration are just as afraid of these creeps as the kids they terrorize.

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Not to mention their parents. We've got a bully in school, a dreadful boy who sees it as his right to treat anyone the way he wants. Believes himself to be the victim, too. Only when got to know his mother did we understand where his bad attitude came from.

Luckily, we as a team pose a united front against parents and anyone else who tries to meddle with what we perceive as good and holy. Not all schools have that luxery, though.

Ditto here, Teinz. The parents of this particular bully are accomplished bullies, always ready to manipulate and terrorize the lawful authorities. This might just be me, but to my mind there is always an element of stiff necked, righteous indignation with the system in place, in a bully's creed: The rules do not apply to the anointed. They are always picking on ME so i have to do what I can to defend myself. In past years this particular kid has divided and conquered. So glad it didn't work this time--so far. --s6

Don said:

I find it fascinating that a tool now proven to be extremely useful for self-defense is forbidden to those who obey the rules.

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How are phones useful in self defense against bullies?

Celia Cyanide said:

How are phones useful in self defense against bullies?

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Phones can readily record audio/video and therefore can give an objective witness to bullying, because kids who say they are being bullied are often not believed.

Of course, this does not help because the school often punishes students for using their phones at all...

Celia Cyanide said:

How are phones useful in self defense against bullies?

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Bullying only continues so long as no one challenges the balance of power. With the easy postability of digital images, a kid - or kids - can post pictures and/or video of bullying instances all over the internet. Twitter, YouTube, Reddit, Tumblr, Facebook, Instagram, etc.

It sheds light on something that the people involved usually want kept in the shadows.

Unfortunately, now schools are charging kids with "wiretapping" or other illegal "uninformed recording" crimes for taping such things and showing them off. For bullied kids, it seems that every time they find a viable defense, it's taken out of their hands.

I find this so appalling. I really do.

I was bullied throughout middle school and part of high school. I never told any teachers about it. Instead, I'd go home and cry to my mother who told me many of the same things virtue_summer mentioned - they were picking on me because I made myself an easy target. If I acted like it didn't bother me, they would lose interest and stop. She also tried to tell me to remember that we didn't know what went on in their home lives to make them act that way. It was an absolutely horrible 6-or-so years of my life. I enjoyed school because I loved to learn, but I dreaded facing my peers every day. Lunchtime was the worst. I couldn't go anywhere. No one would let me hide out in the bathroom or library. I had to face everyone and cower in a corner and pray and cross my fingers that I would just be left alone because even eating lunch alone is better than fighting back tears as others tell you how horrible you are.

Truth is, I was an easy target because I never fought back. I've never been good with confrontation. I'm still not. I don't know how to react when being bullied, what to say or do. And I guess my...I won't say weakness but my softness, my gentle heart...must come across to others because, though
I'm not exactly bullied in the same way as an adult, I've still had issues with a few people. One woman in a position of authority really had it in for me and made my life miserable, and another woman for some reason decided to start spreading rumors about me at work that got around to my Director and VP and made me appear inefficient and incompetent. It has not been easy to prove myself after those rumors were spread.

This major derail is all to say that there *is* something about some people that seem to encourage bullies to, well, bully. Sort of how they say that a woman who has been raped once seems to be more likely to be raped again.

I am NOT saying (underline NOT a million times) that whatever that something is makes the victim responsible for the bullying.

I think we as a society need to focus more on teaching our young children confidence. Even bullies, if they were more confident with themselves, wouldn't be as likely to pick on others to elevate their own feelings of importance. IMO.

Everything in the OP is wrong. Everything about it. I wish that were a joke, because even if it were, it is a horrible joke. The flier sounds like something from 1950 and needs to be burned.

Don said:

I find it fascinating that a tool now proven to be extremely useful for self-defense is forbidden to those who obey the rules.

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There seems to be an implication here that one is tied to the other.

Speaking from a "working with hundreds of schools -- specifically about technology in schools" point of view, this isn't reality.

There are schools allowing and encouraging phones in school, integrating their usage into classroom lessons, and teaching digital citizenship for example.

There are other schools that ban phones on campus completely. And probably every degree in between.

Their reasoning has to do with classroom interruption, privacy (and legal) concerns for their students and teachers, and cheating in class (kid with smartphone checking notes, Googling answers.)

Williebee said:

Their reasoning has to do with classroom interruption, privacy (and legal) concerns for their students and teachers, and cheating in class (kid with smartphone checking notes, Googling answers.)

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And I can support those schools, just as much as the ones trying to integrate that technology into the curriculum.

The example elsewhere in P&CE here, though, is an example of that run amok. The kid arrested when he recorded bullying. As I said there, when the school demanded erasure of the recording and *then* had the kid arrested, that troubled me greatly.

Don't use policies to hide from real problems in the student community. And I fear very strongly that the mere existence of this pamphlet is illustration of that very problem. Not meant for distribution? Hell, this pamphlet should not even exist. Not in that school.

*wonders how long it takes school admin types to realize "deleted from device" =/= "out of play"*

One smart kid with access to cloud storage, or who can send a really quick email, and they'll never get those genies back in their bottles.

Exactly, Willie. FB, snapchat, etc. are supposed to be blocked in our school but the kids figured out how to access them way back in September--a week or so after we spent money putting up some fancy blocking system. Students are not to get on twitter or text each other, but can take personal phone calls and texts between classes. I provide a basket in my room --the phone park. I also allow them to recharge. Most of our kids are 15 to 30 miles from their homes so some of us allow them to answer a call or text from a parent immediately. A twenty year old sweetheart? No. So that is usually when the kid slips the phone into his pocket and keeps it during class. They are a distraction.

As for recording bullying behavior? In my personal experience as often as it works, sometimes it only makes things worse. Many times the person with a camera at the ready exacerbates a situation so they can film it. Kids will tease a kid, a janitor, an aide, a teacher, until he loses it. A friend with a camera will film it and then post the results to show his side of the story. This kid I am talking about is pretty good at this trick. She had major drama on the school bus years ago by tormenting Hispanic kids and then showing them losing their cool. Where was the bus driver? Watching for deer. Which is what bus drivers should be doing.--s6

And don't forget that the bullies are taking advantage of phones--taking photos and posting them online, or sending them to one another, etc. While technically a student can take a video of a bully, I imagine there is as much, if not more, use of cameras to facilitate bullying.

Being able to videotape someone and get them in trouble might be helpful in some situations, but as someone who was pretty relentlessly bullied for my entire school career, I can say that it's probably not the best option. When I was young, I was taught the same things these students are being taught. Don't fight back, don't stick up for yourself, don't tattle, just don't let it get to you, blah blah blah.

I always thought that was how you were supposed to handle it and I just was awful about it, or that something was inherently wrong with me. Then I worked in a preschool once with a very different policy. If a student said something mean, you went back to that student and said, "You can't say that to me. You're being mean." Granted, these were little squirts, but I couldn't believe it. For the first time, I was seeing kids getting a message that being bullied wasn't their fault. The person in the wrong was the bully. And you could and should stand up and tell them that it wasn't okay.

It was teaching competent responses to a negative situation in a way that would still encourage self-confidence. I personally believe that's what we need. We need to encourage kids to stand up against bullies for themselves, but also for others. If you see a kid saying something awful, even if it's not to you, we should be encouraging kids to speak out. Challenge the bully. Call them on it.

And we need to eliminate policies like this school's that are giving bullies a free pass.

I've been unfortunate enough to have had several major encounters will bullying in my own personal life.

My youngest brother was bullied so badly that he developed alopecia and lost all of his hair. His schools response? 'it's not policy to
involve parents'

Disgusting.

I was bullied at school too. I was smart, fat, had glasses. I was an easy target. I took it for a long, long time. One day I cracked. I lashed out, three a stool across the room, threw some punches. Not my finest hour, and not something I'm proud of, and not something I would ever advocate as a solution. But it stopped things. Right there and then I stopped being a victim and became someone to be afraid of. It's not a solution though, and kids should never be pushed to that point.