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Beta - NA Contemporary Romance

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Renée A. Price

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Hey AW people,

I'm looking for beta readers for my NA Contemporary Romance. No LBL needed, unless you want to, then I'll be :D you offered help.

For this project, I'm looking for someone who appreciates romance-focused stories, but is also willing to look at secondary characters, plot, pacing; the big picture.

Here's my query:

Twenty-one-year-old Lea Cobb has a legion of fans at her feet, but the man she wants keeps running away.

A former KidCast actress, Lea is making a comeback in Hollywood through the new hit show of the season. The leading role of sexy-nerdy African-American college student should get her back on the cover of popular celebrity magazine, Rules of the Stars. To solidify her rise to fame, she only needs one thing: a steamy guy to show off on the red carpet.

When thirty-one-year-old former movie star Joshua Housten joins the cast, Lea sees her chance in his smoking hot Australian body. But Joshua stymies her every seduction attempt. The man who melts her heart – and pants – comes with three hard-fast rules: No relationships. No co-stars. No younger women. While the press falls for Lea’s games, adding the name of every male celebrity sharing a meal with her to a long list of her rumored boyfriends, Joshua’s jealousy increases. But he’s still not giving in. Now, all Lea has to do is convince Joshua that rules are meant to be broken before she stars in the most watched rejection in the history of television.

Told from Lea and Joshua’s POV, RULES OF THE STARS is a New Adult Contemporary Romance novel complete at 66,000 words.

Warning: there's one sex scene, but if you're not comfortable with it, you can skip that part. No big deal.

Thank you in advance!
 

Maryn

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Alas, what I'm good at is the L-B-L, so allow me to offer a few tweaks until the Big Picture folks arrive.

Twenty-one-year-old Lea Cobb has a legion of fans at her feet, but the man she wants keeps running away.

A former KidCast [If this is a TV show, it needs either double quotes or to be in italics] actress, Lea is making a comeback in Hollywood through the new hit show of the season. [on a new hit show.] The leading role of sexy-nerdy African-American college student should get her back on [will return her to] the cover of popular celebrity magazine, [no comma] Rules of the Stars. [quotes or italics] To solidify her rise to fame, she only needs one thing: a steamy [I'm not on board with this use of steamy; what other words convey total hotness?] guy to show off on the red carpet.

When thirty-one-year-old [Here I think adding his age detracts. Let the reader presume he's age appropriate unless his age is a factor in the relationship. Edited to add: Okay, it does matter, but can you find a way to work it in elsewhere, so it doesn't so closely echo the first line of the query?] former [Australian] movie star Joshua Housten joins the cast, Lea sees her chance in his smoking hot Australian body. [The phrasing sees her chance in his smoking hot Australian body is awkward. Hm... recognizes his smoking body as the perfect arm candy? knows she could rock the red carpet next to his smoking hot body? Play with it.] But Joshua stymies her every seduction attempt. The man who melts her heart – and pants – comes with three hard-fast [I usually hear hard-and-fast] rules: No relationships. No co-stars. No younger women. [Uh-oh, I'm having Big Picture thoughts! I applaud his rules. Is that what you want? The age gap does not seem unacceptable to me. Maybe a little large, but not out of bounds. Can she be nineteen? Can he be thirty-four?] While the press falls for Lea’s games, adding the name of every male celebrity sharing a meal with her to a long list of her rumored boyfriends, Joshua’s jealousy increases. [Wait, where did this jealousy come from? Last we heard, he'd ruled her out completely.] But he’s still not giving in. Now, all Lea has to do is convince Joshua that rules are meant to be broken before she stars in the most watched rejection in the history of television.

Told from Lea and Joshua’s POV, RULES OF THE STARS is a New Adult Contemporary Romance novel complete at 66,000 words.

Maryn, hoping this is in some small way helpful
 

Renée A. Price

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Thank you so much, Maryn. No doubt you were helfpul.

About the age gap and Joshua's rules, there is a reason (a strong one) for all of them. He picked them because of a specific event in his life.

Quick question, if you don’t mind: I've been getting conflicting advice on the POV for the query. Some say I should write it using Lea’s POV (the way I have it now), others tell me to use Joshua’s POV for the third paragraph, since I have a dual POV MS. Thoughts?

Thanks again!
 

thedark

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Quick question, if you don’t mind: I've been getting conflicting advice on the POV for the query. Some say I should write it using Lea’s POV (the way I have it now), others tell me to use Joshua’s POV for the third paragraph, since I have a dual POV MS. Thoughts?

Thanks again!

You're doing a romance query, so you get lee-way into doing it either way. Traditionally, all other genres are a single primary MC's POV, even if you have multiple primary MCs. But in romance, a standard and acceptable query format is one paragraph for her, one for him, and one for what's keeping them apart/stakes/wrapping it up.

It's up to you, in the end. Is his POV as compelling in query as hers? Does it help clarify what keeps them apart from the get-go?

~ Anna
 

Renée A. Price

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You're doing a romance query, so you get lee-way into doing it either way. Traditionally, all other genres are a single primary MC's POV, even if you have multiple primary MCs. But in romance, a standard and acceptable query format is one paragraph for her, one for him, and one for what's keeping them apart/stakes/wrapping it up.

It's up to you, in the end. Is his POV as compelling in query as hers? Does it help clarify what keeps them apart from the get-go?

~ Anna


Thank you, Anna.

I'll write another version using both POVs, and compare it with the one I have now.
 
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