Question about an MCs mother.

AndreF · Jun 21, 2014

Hello I had some questions that I was told to bring here.

I'm totally ignorant of these things and seek knowledge and insight. I have never written about a character who is a QUILTBAG member. I don't know anyone who is either. So I'm totally in the dark about these things. Also online research just turned up a bunch of adult sites and sex stories.

I'm wondering about my MCs Mother that has recently discovered she has feelings for other women.

I understand that love is love no matter what and that is who she is but I'm wondering; what might be going through her mind once she realizes that she IS into women? Especially considering that she dated men all of her life until she met this other woman she's in love with.

Should she explain her revelation to her son if so how and what are some ways she can do it?

This is one is just for mother's in general.

How would or should a mother respond if she's caught making love with her lover? (I've never been in that situation and don't have much to work on.)

I know people are different and I'm hoping to get a lot of different answers. Thanks in advance for any info you can give me.

KimJo · Jun 22, 2014

If Mom never realized before that she could be attracted to another woman, she might be surprised. Shocked. Ashamed, depending on whether she was raised to believe homosexuality is wrong.

Whether and how she should tell her son would depend on first, how she feels about it; for example, if she's ashamed, she would be less likely to tell him because she wouldn't want him to be ashamed of her as well. Also, you don't say how old the son is; coming out to one's child would be different if you're dealing with, say, a 10-year-old vs. a 30-year-old.

Personally, I would be embarrassed and feel pretty creepy if one of my teenagers caught me in bed with my husband. I think many parents would be embarrassed at being "caught in the act" regardless of whether it's with a committed partner or not, or of the sex of the partner.

JohnnyGottaKeyboard · Jun 22, 2014

A couple of random thoughts.

Would the mother necessarily awake one morning with the realization she is a lesbian? I have known a few late bloomers, and it seems that the realization often has sneaked (snuck?) up on them. One or two claim to have found themselves in a fledgling relationship and that alerts them to the change in their feelings.

Along that vein, might not a child (especially an older child) be more "hip" to what's going on even than the mother herself? Lots of gay people coming out to their parents are told "Yes, dear, we know." I'd think an older child, having his/her mother come out to them, would be even more likely to have their suspicions before the announcement ("Yes, mother, we've all noticed that you and Carol have been spending an inordinate amount of time together."). Of course, you could write a very conservative child, who purposefully ignores the signs...

Which brings me to my last random point. It's all gonna depend on who these people are. As Kimjo said, the age of the child is very important to not only how they should be told, but also how they will react. And the environment in which the child was raised. What does the child believe about being gay? What does the mother believe, and, more importantly, what has she told the child previously (before she realized she was gay) about what it meant to be gay?

ETA: Wanted to recommend this documentary, "For the Bible Tells Me So." It's mostly about religious objections to homosexuality, and, as such, not a great doc. But, of interest to this discussion, it contains two "Coming Out" stories of older people (one a man and one a woman) who are in married cis-relationships (ooh, did I just use cis in a sentence?) when they realize they are gay. The woman, Chrissy Gephardt, claims to have been quite surprised by the realization. The movie is on Netflix.

AndreF · Jun 22, 2014

For the mother I wanted her realization to be gradual. She's a lost soul in world that rapidly changed. It never occurred her that she could be intimately involved with another woman. I don't want her to ashamed by it but rather uncertain but willing to more forward out of love for her lover.

The MC I want him to just be uncomfortable and uncertain. Not really conservative in the sense that he would be against but as you said with him not even thinking about his mother being with another woman. He's 16

The world itself rapidly changed when refugees from a very horrible event (a horrible war) forced them to take refuge on his planet. These other cultures consist of cultures that hugely homosexual and cultures that are very sensitive to others emotions. So when the MCs father made a offensive statement he got booted.

I don't want the dad to be a crook... he can't be for plot reasons. I just recently learned that some of my approaches may be disrespectful so I've changed those a bit as well.

Also I want the son to be uncomfortable to speak about his discomfort for fear that he too will get punished. I want this son be confused and uncomfortable as much as possible without being afraid of danger nor being OCD. For him its like being the one white kid in a black school or the one black kid in a white school. That's why I have him getting teased for being straight and the only other person that was straight was his mother. So I need to find a way for him to cope with her without trying to make a political statement.

You have no idea how much I appreciate this help. Google searches keep turning up lesbian sex sites and sex stories.... and other stuff.

KimJo · Jun 23, 2014

I'll have more thoughts on this when I get home from work, probably, but the first thing that stands out to me is that most 16-year-olds are excruciatingly embarrassed if they even get a hint that their parents are having any type of sexual interaction with ANYONE, even each other. So if your mom character comes out to her son, he would likely be embarrassed and uncomfortable, not so much because Mom's into another woman, but because Mom and the other woman might...*shudder*...kiss or sleep together or something. And the reaction would be about the same whether Mom was seeing another woman or a man.

thedark · Jun 23, 2014

AndreF said:
You have no idea how much I appreciate this help. Google searches keep turning up lesbian sex sites and sex stories.... and other sick stuff.

We're always glad to help, here on AW.

You might want to consider rephrasing your last line in your earlier post. Sex stories are generally erotica, and while there are certainly distasteful ones and distasteful sites, you may not want to imply that lesbian erotica is sick stuff.

Just a helpful suggestion.

AndreF · Jun 23, 2014

KimJo said:
I'll have more thoughts on this when I get home from work, probably, but the first thing that stands out to me is that most 16-year-olds are excruciatingly embarrassed if they even get a hint that their parents are having any type of sexual interaction with ANYONE, even each other. So if your mom character comes out to her son, he would likely be embarrassed and uncomfortable, not so much because Mom's into another woman, but because Mom and the other woman might...*shudder*...kiss or sleep together or something. And the reaction would be about the same whether Mom was seeing another woman or a man.

Okay cool. I'll wait to see what else you have for me. I understand what you're saying.

AndreF · Jun 23, 2014

thedark said:
We're always glad to help, here on AW.

You might want to consider rephrasing your last line in your earlier post. Sex stories are generally erotica, and while there are certainly distasteful ones and distasteful sites, you may not want to imply that lesbian erotica is sick stuff.

Just a helpful suggestion.

Thank you for your helpful suggestion though and please note that I will re-double my efforts to be clear in the future.

KimJo · Jun 23, 2014

Just for future reference, if you post something that others might find offensive or say they find offensive, you can choose to edit your post to remove that bit. Or not.

So it sounds like the society in which your characters live is predominantly homosexual, which means, as you say, the mom wouldn't have a reason to be ashamed of her attraction to another woman. Confused or surprised, probably, if she's always considered herself straight up until that point.

The son's reaction will depend on what the mother tells him, if anything. If he happens to wander in and finds his mother and her lover together, the reaction would be different from if his mother sits him down privately and tells him she's in love with another woman. The first would lead to embarrassment and discomfort for all parties, I think; the second might lead to some "What are you talking about, Mom, you're straight!" and some discomfort from the son, but not necessarily embarrassment. He also, depending on his relationship with his father, might be upset that his mom is "replacing" his dad with a woman.

There are number of ways the story can go from the starting point you've mentioned.

AndreF · Jun 23, 2014

KimJo said:
Just for future reference, if you post something that others might find offensive or say they find offensive, you can choose to edit your post to remove that bit. Or not.

So it sounds like the society in which your characters live is predominantly homosexual, which means, as you say, the mom wouldn't have a reason to be ashamed of her attraction to another woman. Confused or surprised, probably, if she's always considered herself straight up until that point.

The son's reaction will depend on what the mother tells him, if anything. If he happens to wander in and finds his mother and her lover together, the reaction would be different from if his mother sits him down privately and tells him she's in love with another woman. The first would lead to embarrassment and discomfort for all parties, I think; the second might lead to some "What are you talking about, Mom, you're straight!" and some discomfort from the son, but not necessarily embarrassment. He also, depending on his relationship with his father, might be upset that his mom is "replacing" his dad with a woman.

There are number of ways the story can go from the starting point you've mentioned.

Thank you for taking the time, and patience, to let me know this. There are many ways of going about it but I have a good idea of how realistic I can make their responses.

Thank you ma'am.

And for the other advice as you see I followed through with it.

DiloKeith · Jun 23, 2014

AndreF said:
...Also online research just turned up a bunch of adult sites and sex stories...

Try searching "coming out later in life" or something like that. I know of a forum for this, but you'd have to sort through a lot of posts. Perhaps better: the PFLAG.org site has some booklets that could be helpful http://community.pflag.org/Page.aspx?pid=594

As a queer woman (and in general) I find the topic too complex to address in the time I have.

AndreF said:
And then there something with a staple gun ... and a bullwhip.

BTW, I have friends who use bullwhips (and surgical staples) for sex play.

Lillith1991 · Jun 23, 2014

AndreF said:
Thank you for taking the time, and patience, to let me know this. There are many ways of going about it but I have a good idea of how realistic I can make their responses.

Thank you sir.

And for the other advice as you see I followed through with it.

I'd just like to point out that KimJo is female. Also, I'm glad you're taking this seriously instead of going with the highly cliched thing you had in your other thread about this. My missgivings about it are begining to be disspelled, but I'll wait till final execution to truly decide if I'm satisified with how you handled things. You seem to be one to take direction well though, which is a start. A very good start truthfully.

AndreF · Jun 23, 2014

Lillith1991 said:
I'd just like to point out that KimJo is female. Also, I'm glad you're taking this seriously instead of going with the highly cliched thing you had in your other thread about this. My missgivings about it are begining to be disspelled, but I'll wait till final execution to truly decide if I'm satisified with how you handled things. You seem to be one to take direction well though, which is a start. A very good start truthfully.

Sorry about that KimJo.

I'll be sure to post all interactions here so you and the others can steer me in the right direction.

For instance something I'm toying around with these interactions. MC wakes up one morning; puts in his earplugs so he can quietly review footage ... of an event that he was in so he can study his mistakes. Earplugs comes out and he can hear the muffled sounds of pleasure (they're trying to keep it quiet) his response: his mind temporarily flashes back to when he stumbled in on his mother and Kelly; he says to himself "note to self inform Kelly of loud TV rule that dad established as well front door slamming rule" he shakes his head and in goes the earplugs.

Event two MC is rushing home to avoid getting busted. Mother thinks he's spending all night a friend's house ( friend he made up by the way) but law enforcement is EVERYWHERE so home is the safest place to be.

MC rushes through the front door his mind is focused on hiding some equipment that he has. (I want this to serve as a point to where he and Kelly can bond a little) here's what the plan is.

He enters the home and to his surprise Kelly and his mother are in the dining room, table is set, lit candles, champagne in a bucket of ice, a red rose, they're enjoying each others company, kissing and giggling. MC uses this to his advantage to sneak in and then "woo hot, shit, gah!" he cries as the device he's holding.. got shook up too much and slightly burns his hand of course this startles the two. They're surprised to see him and he's freaking out because he just knows that he is sooo busted. Busted busted busted. Or is he. After the standard questions of "Why are you back early? Is everything okay? Etc." Kelly eyes the device and slowly nods and the MC prepares a slew of hastily assembled lies he's done he knows it. But Kelly says "Hey babe, the night is still young so let's go for a walk." Kelly looks at the device and then at the bucket of ice. Later on she gives him some tips to improve his game a little and eventually the two will bond.

This is what I have planned so let me know what you think. I'm still working on the initial discovery part. So far for that I'm leaning towards him having earphones in, he thinks of something to ask his mother. He knows the time of day the scene takes place she's in her room/office working. He a quick raps on the door and in one fluid motion he opens the door and removes an earplug "hey mom I was ---" hello Kelly and then use what KimJo mention about all parties being embarrassed about the moment.

Nothing is final but if you'd like for me to add or take away and element let me know and I'll be glad to fix it. ( by the way is the romantic dinner cliche?)

Unimportant · Jun 24, 2014

Try googling phrases like "how to tell your child that you are lesbian". You should be able to find sources and stories like this one, which may help.

In the end, though, it's going to come down to your individual characters and their relationships with each other and how they would react in that particular time and place.

KimJo · Jun 24, 2014

Andre, no problem; and Lillith, thanks

Andre, please also be aware that there is a specific subforum for posting your actual written work, where you can receive critiques and feedback from a number of members. The moderators here tend to frown on people posting work for critique anywhere other than in that subforum. (I think you're okay here so far, as it doesn't appear you've posted from your actual manuscript, but there's a thin line.)

thedark · Jun 24, 2014

AndreF said:
Sorry about that KimJo.

I'll be sure to post all interactions here so you and the others can steer me in the right direction.

For instance something I'm toying around with these interactions. MC wakes up one morning; puts in his earplugs so he can quietly review footage ... of an event that he was in so he can study his mistakes. Earplugs comes out and he can hear the muffled sounds of pleasure (they're trying to keep it quiet) his response: his mind temporarily flashes back to when he stumbled in on his mother and Kelly; he says to himself "note to self inform Kelly of loud TV rule that dad established as well front door slamming rule" he shakes his head and in goes the earplugs.

Event two MC is rushing home to avoid getting busted. Mother thinks he's spending all night a friend's house ( friend he made up by the way) but law enforcement is EVERYWHERE so home is the safest place to be.

MC rushes through the front door his mind is focused on hiding some equipment that he has. (I want this to serve as a point to where he and Kelly can bond a little) here's what the plan is.

He enters the home and to his surprise Kelly and his mother are in the dining room, table is set, lit candles, champagne in a bucket of ice, a red rose, they're enjoying each others company, kissing and giggling. MC uses this to his advantage to sneak in and then "woo hot, shit, gah!" he cries as the device he's holding.. got shook up too much and slightly burns his hand of course this startles the two. They're surprised to see him and he's freaking out because he just knows that he is sooo busted. Busted busted busted. Or is he. After the standard questions of "Why are you back early? Is everything okay? Etc." Kelly eyes the device and slowly nods and the MC prepares a slew of hastily assembled lies he's done he knows it. But Kelly says "Hey babe, the night is still young so let's go for a walk." Kelly looks at the device and then at the bucket of ice. Later on she gives him some tips to improve his game a little and eventually the two will bond.

This is what I have planned so let me know what you think. I'm still working on the initial discovery part. So far for that I'm leaning towards him having earphones in, he thinks of something to ask his mother. He knows the time of day the scene takes place she's in her room/office working. He a quick raps on the door and in one fluid motion he opens the door and removes an earplug "hey mom I was ---" hello Kelly and then use what KimJo mention about all parties being embarrassed about the moment.

Nothing is final but if you'd like for me to add or take away and element let me know and I'll be glad to fix it. ( by the way is the romantic dinner cliche?)

I just wanted to add, while I have a minute, that this sounds very realistic and very real. Especially Kelly helping him, and their eventual bond. That makes them nice normal real people, and I like it.

Deleted member 42 · Jun 24, 2014

AndreF said:
You have no idea how much I appreciate this help. Google searches keep turning up lesbian sex sites and sex stories.... and other stuff.

AndreF the first thing you need to do is stop posting in this forum until you've read the stickies.

There's a lot of information there, and we're dead serious about expecting people to read and pay attention to them.

AndreF · Jun 24, 2014

Medievalist said:
AndreF the first thing you need to do is stop posting in this forum until you've read the stickies.

There's a lot of information there, and we're dead serious about expecting people to read and pay attention to them.

wilco

AndreF · Jun 24, 2014

thedark said:
I just wanted to add, while I have a minute, that this sounds very realistic and very real. Especially Kelly helping him, and their eventual bond. That makes them nice normal real people, and I like it.

Good. That what I was going for. After the initial attempts and doing more and more research thanks in part by people linking to some cool resources. (both here and elsewhere) I'm glad to see its all paying off.

Is it safe to say that mission is complete for this sector? If so then I'll be moving on and focusing everything into the engineering principles of a vehicle. If not then I'll gladly make needed changes.

Question about an MCs mother.

AndreF

practical experience, FTW

KimJo

Outside the box, with the werewolves

JohnnyGottaKeyboard

Who let this guy in...?

AndreF

practical experience, FTW

KimJo

Outside the box, with the werewolves

thedark

Weaving through the night.

AndreF

practical experience, FTW

AndreF

practical experience, FTW

KimJo

Outside the box, with the werewolves

AndreF

practical experience, FTW

DiloKeith

Doesn't scare easily

Lillith1991

The Hobbit-Vulcan hybrid

AndreF

practical experience, FTW

Unimportant

No COVID yet. Still masking.

KimJo

Outside the box, with the werewolves

thedark

Weaving through the night.

Deleted member 42

AndreF

practical experience, FTW

AndreF

practical experience, FTW