The thread in which Haggis now talks to himself

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Haggis

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Hey, Ted, buddy. Got one for you too.

A group of Wisconsinites were out deer hunting and paired off in twos for the day. That night, one of the hunters returned alone, staggering under the weight of an eight-point buck. "Where's Ted?" the others asked.

"Ted had a stroke of some kind. He's a couple of miles back up the trail," Shadow Ferret replied.

"You left Ted laying out there and carried the deer back?" they inquired.

"A tough call," nodded Shadow Ferret. "But I figured no one is going to steal Ted!

:D

:roll:

:thankyou:
 

Haggis

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Check it out, Ted.

Gilroy came running into the store and said to his buddy, "Ted, somebody just stole your van from the parking lot!"

Ted replied, "Did you see who it was?"

Gilroy answered, "I couldn't tell, but I got the license number."

:ROFL:
 

Haggis

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So, Ted was cruising in his van along highway 61 when a Wisconsin State trooper pulled him over. The trooper asked, "Got any ID?"

Ted replied, "Bout whut?"

:roll:

:Jump::Jump::Jump:

:banana:

:e2dance:
 

Haggis

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"Bout whut."

See, he thought "ID: meant "idea."

That's why it's funny.

That and the fact they talk funny in Wisconsin.

See?

:)
 

regdog

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Hey, reg. Check this one out.

Three Transformers are walking through the woods. One sees a magical glowing stick in the middle of the path. He says to the others, "I heard that when you jump over that stick, you can be anything you say you can be. The first one runs and jumps over the stick saying, "I wish I was as big as a city!" and he turns into Metroplex. The second one jumps over the stick and says, "I wish I was omega and supreme" and he turns into Omega Supreme. The third one runs and trips over the stick, and says "Crap!" and he turns into Wheelie.


:D

:Clap::Clap::Clap:
 

Haggis

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Say, reg? You seem to be the only cabbie here. Where did everyone else go? I mean, I know the snow is bad and all, but.... :(
 

regdog

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I don't know. Do you think they went on vacation without us?
 

regdog

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Do I even want to ask what he's hunting for?
 

regdog

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And you believe Roub?
 

Haggis

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Hey, folks. I'm back. Time for a new routine.

Lemme tell ya. It's cold here.

How cold is it?

It's so cold that

Ted started wearing pants.

Starbucks was serving coffee on a stick!

The rats were bribing the alley cats for a snuggle.

We had to chop up the piano for firewood - but we only got two chords.

We pulled everything out of the freezer and huddled inside it to warm up!

Words froze in the air. If you wanted to hear what someone said, you had to grab a handful of sentences and take them in by the fire!

Thank you, thank you. :thankyou:

You've been a great audience. :thankyou:
 

Haggis

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'Morning, kids. I'm back.

*grabs microphone*

So the other day I saw quickWit standing on swachski's head. Talk about your unsightly facial hare....

And are you all aware that quickWit was born in a Hilton hotel? Yeah, that's right. He was an inn-grown hare.

quickWit's getting on in years, you know. You can tell by the gray hare. And the receding hare line.

:roll:

I got a million of 'em folks. A million.


:thankyou::thankyou:
 

regdog

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Do we have to pay you for those million?
 

regdog

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okay. Let's hear another
 

Haggis

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*checks reps*

Oh, goody. cray wants to hear more too.

:snoopy:

Okay. Check it.


  • I know a guy who's addicted to brake fluid. He says he can stop any time.
  • I stayed up all night to see where the sun went. Then it dawned on me.
  • This girl said she recognized me from the vegetarian club, but I'd never met herbivore.
  • I'm reading a book about anti-gravity. I can't put it down.
  • I did a theatrical performance about puns. It was a play on words.
  • They told me I had type A blood, but it was a Type-O.
  • Energizer bunny arrested -- charged with battery.
  • I didn't like my beard at first. Then it grew on me.
  • How do you make holy water? Boil the hell out of it!
  • Did you hear about the cross-eyed teacher who lost her job because she couldn't control her pupils ?
  • When you get a bladder infection, urine trouble.
  • What does a clock do when it's hungry? It goes back four seconds.
  • I wondered why the baseball was getting bigger. Then it hit me!
  • Broken pencils are pointless.
  • I tried to catch some fog. I mist.
  • What do you call a dinosaur with an extensive vocabulary? A thesaurus.
  • England has no kidney bank, but it does have a Liverpool.
  • I used to be a banker, but then I lost interest.
  • I dropped out of communism class because of lousy Marx.
  • All the toilets in New York's police stations have been stolen. Police have nothing to go on.
  • I got a job at a bakery because I kneaded dough.
  • Haunted French pancakes give me the crepes.
  • Velcro – what a rip off !
  • Cartoonist found dead in home. Details are sketchy.
  • Venison for dinner? Oh deer!
  • Earthquake in Washington D.C. was obviously government's fault.
  • I used to think I was indecisive, but now I'm not so sure.
  • Be kind to your dentist. He has fillings, too.
*rim shot*


:ROFL:
 

regdog

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