Your wish is granted...

Granted. On 28th July, at 7 in the morning when you will step out of the house to pick the newspaper a rhino will run towards you and bash you with his horn thwarting you high in the sky beyond all the neighboring houses right in aunt sandy's stable. An Arabian horse awaits you. He will kick you to moon. Make sure you carry this anti dolphin spray, so you may kill all the dolphins in the lake.

I wish someone would produce a movie with me as super hero.

Denied. Genie can't find a producer willing to put his name in the mud by producing such a rotten movie.

I wish I was a super hero (in real life!)

Granted.

You're the one that gets killed in the sequel to lend it more gravitas.




I wish I hadn't just erased all those grades...

Granted. But did they somehow get warped... or did everyone really get a zero?

I wish those in the newbie pub would like me again. I don't know why they all hate me suddenly!

Denied
The Genie doesn't like you either.


I wish I had a yellow box

Granted. It is a nice yellow box with this symbol on all four sides.



The Genie suggests you wear a hazmat suit when you open it.


I wish I could go back in time and talk to my grandfather when he was a young man.

Granted.

Just... granted. ... Just try not to do the whole Lazarus Long thing while you're back there, okay?




I wish I had some easy solutions for some complex problems.

Granted
But with your record on easy solutions in the past, nobody cares much what they are. Remember last February 27th?


I wish I could forget last February 27th

Granted.

But I can't do anything about what happened on the 28th. Some things are impossible, even for the djinn.






I wish I knew how to better articulate what I was trying to say.

slcboston said:

I wish I knew how to better articulate what I was trying to say.

Click to expand...

Granted ( for about the twelfth time)

we're all rooting for you (again) to pull this one off from brain to tongue.




I wish Manila envelopes tasted better

Granted.

They still taste horrible, but it's a step up from atrocious.





I wish there was more time to sleep.

Granted. Enjoy your coma.

I wish Fox would invent me a spaceship so I could fight the aliens.

Granted. But the space ship has no missiles. It works only as a suicide bomber. Crash in the alien fortress and sacrifice your life for the earth.

I wish the rat in my house would commit suicide.

Granted. Mr Rat, Mrs Rat, Children Rats, Baby Rats, Granny Rat and Grandpa Rat all swallow your poison and run out into your lounge before dying. You are were in the middle of a party with a bunch of people you were trying to impress. They leave, unimpressed.

I wish our goldfish would stop eating each other.

Hannah M said:

I wish our goldfish would stop eating each other.

Click to expand...

Granted
The last survivor flops out and lands behind the heavy book shelf, where it remains undiscovered ... for a while



I wish my goldfish would shut-up so I can get some writing done.

Granted.

But your hamster takes up opera.



I wish I could fast-forward through the tedious parts of my day.

Granted. You now fast-forward through the tedious parts of your day. However due to the law of conservation of time, you must now skip the not-tedious parts of your day altogether.

I wish there were no tedious parts of my day.

Granted. Your day begins with a fire in your garage. As soon as you manage to put it out, a water main bursts, flooding most of your house. After you partially stem the flood, your kitchen stove explodes (Fortunately, you are not in the kitchen at the time). Your phone rings. It is the IRS, demanding that you pay your back taxes or face immediate prosecution. A small plane crashes on your roof. The pilot is injured, and his blood flows into your closet, staining all your clothes. After you take him to the hospital, you return home, switch on TV and see that police are looking for a serial killer in your neighborhood. You think, "Thank God he's not in my house!" when you hear a sound coming from your hall and see a masked man with a gun in one hand and a machete in the other. Do you want the Genie to continue?

I wish I could write faster.

Granted. But now you have two problems - when you write that fast you can't:

a) think. This means your writing comes out like jakldnfkjhjrlksndcjadfkhjlsakdnmfbghrklsdnfm,fbghdasjknf,msvbadjkfnsdm,n dfjhbv,mfvn danv,md knjfhsklfnmkjsdavhalkfmncmd, nvhvksvn fjkdnhczknbjkdhslck h etc

b) breathe. This creates several problems which I shall not delve into here.



I wish someone would tidy my room for me.

Granted. Genie is sending an elephant. He will stand near the window, turn around and release some wind. That will tidy everything.

I wish a blue whale would fall on my neighbor.

Denied, for whale color discrimination.

I wish it would stop raining, my ceiling is leaking.

Granted. It snows. Your roof caves in and because of the snow you are unable to get help/fix it.

I wish my ceiling was blue.

Granted. Blue is my favorite color.

I wish snow angels could talk.

Granted. They never stop talking. All of the hundreds surrounding your house. You'll have to wait for spring and warmer temperature for them to disappear. Oh wait. It's summer? And there's still snow around your house? Maybe that one will never melt...

I wish the color blue didn't exist anymore.

arcan said:

I wish the color blue didn't exist anymore.

Click to expand...

Granted. The sky has turned brown, formerly blue-eyed people have red eyes, and bluebells are gray. Everyone knows that this is your fault, and hordes of furious people are approaching your house carrying torches and pitchforks, with murder in their eyes.

I wish my clothes would never need washing.