Falling Out of the Writing Scene?

dgarms · Jul 26, 2014

Hyperminimalism said:
I play video games and RP. How weird is it that I can do that? I mean, it's a kind of writing, but it's not like doing it by myself.

Yeah, my relationship with writing is completely and utterly the very first thing you said. There's no 'sometimes I like writing, sometimes I hate it.' It's, "I can't write. I'm sitting here and there's nothing but blankness."

Yes, you do need a break at times. I have found that I cannot get much writing done when my husband is at home so I have scheduled all of my writing to be done when he is away at work. I have set aside time block on Google Calendar which I share with him so he also knows not to bother me. I also must turn off all social media during this time as well.

Hyperminimalism · Jul 26, 2014

dgarms said:
I didn't think this was possible when it came to writing. When I first started out about 3 years ago, I really thought it would be easy. I really started out full speed ahead and went back to the country I talk about in my memoir and then came back to Korea being more distracted and really being scared and have anxiety about finishing it. I saw one therapist that seemed to be more interested in my story than really trying to help me. I am now seeing another therapist who seems to have really started to help and I have finally put my entire life on hold till this is done. She really thinks I should be on anxiety meds temporarily that will help me finally finish this. I see a psychiatrist next week. This is my first book and it is already making big waves around the world.

I'm glad you've been making progress, although sometimes we do need a little help. Unfortunately, help costs money either in the form of medication or therapy, and this is something I can't afford on my own at the moment. Even if I could help myself, I wouldn't know where to start. I have no idea what's holding me back and no idea how to go about fixing it, which makes it even more difficult to pinpoint and work toward a solution.

dondomat · Jul 27, 2014

Mr. Phallus nudges me to mention the manic barbaric therapy: a week of increasingly intense drinking, rocking, and weight-lifting, until suddenly the anxiety withers under the gaze of Zarathustra, and one can then stop the drinking and switch to sunny disco and aerobics as a functional plateau has been reached.
Dark anxiety and speed-freak mania are closely related, and sometimes voluntary triggering of one can help deal with the other.
But Crom knows, the Klingon therapy is not for everyone.

Note a very funny Nietzsche proposing the same thing.

dgarms · Jul 28, 2014

Hyperminimalism said:
I'm glad you've been making progress, although sometimes we do need a little help. Unfortunately, help costs money either in the form of medication or therapy, and this is something I can't afford on my own at the moment. Even if I could help myself, I wouldn't know where to start. I have no idea what's holding me back and no idea how to go about fixing it, which makes it even more difficult to pinpoint and work toward a solution.

Hyperminimalism I am glad I found you. It seems like we can really relate with each other. I wish I could get that magic back again when I first started out writing. For now I have writing days where I have to switich off social media and work when my husband is at work. I get distracted so easily. So far I have found these writing forums to work the best. When I first started out LinkedIn was great. Have you tried writing groups?

Hyperminimalism · Jul 28, 2014

dgarms said:
Hyperminimalism I am glad I found you. It seems like we can really relate with each other. I wish I could get that magic back again when I first started out writing. For now I have writing days where I have to switich off social media and work when my husband is at work. I get distracted so easily. So far I have found these writing forums to work the best. When I first started out LinkedIn was great. Have you tried writing groups?

I have and they never seem to work. At this point, there is little to no writing going on and it's all around in circles. I can only seem to write dialogue and little/no action, perhaps just a few words of direction and that's it. After a page, I give up and come back to it again only to feel depressed and hopeless.

Director C · Jul 28, 2014

Have you tried writing poems? They don't have to be good. Just write out how you're feeling at the moment. Write a few lines and you're done. No pressure to move back to prose on any timetable. Just a way to vent emotions and also be writing.

dgarms · Jul 28, 2014

Hyperminimalism said:
I have and they never seem to work. At this point, there is little to no writing going on and it's all around in circles. I can only seem to write dialogue and little/no action, perhaps just a few words of direction and that's it. After a page, I give up and come back to it again only to feel depressed and hopeless.

Maybe because its summer time and things are a bit quiet? I know my writing group here where I live in Korea does not meet in the summer because everyone is on vacation. I really wish there was a writing group I could meet with in person here! It seems as though me turning off my social media (except for this writing group) for about 4 days a week really makes a big difference for me and schedule myself to write. I feel that "magic" starting to come back.

Hyperminimalism · Jul 29, 2014

dgarms said:
Maybe because its summer time and things are a bit quiet? I know my writing group here where I live in Korea does not meet in the summer because everyone is on vacation. I really wish there was a writing group I could meet with in person here! It seems as though me turning off my social media (except for this writing group) for about 4 days a week really makes a big difference for me and schedule myself to write. I feel that "magic" starting to come back.

Not quite sure how well meeting in a group would work for me with my erratic work schedule and two jobs to juggle. I could probably dedicate 1-2 meet ups a month, but it depends on when I'm scheduled as I never really know. T_T As for me with social media, I don't do it much. I can easily not have the television on for a while and walk away from my computer and still nothing happens.

robjvargas · Jul 29, 2014

Hyperminimalism said:
I have and they never seem to work. At this point, there is little to no writing going on and it's all around in circles. I can only seem to write dialogue and little/no action, perhaps just a few words of direction and that's it. After a page, I give up and come back to it again only to feel depressed and hopeless.

I'm very concerned by this. I went through something similar.

I haven't read the other posts, so I might be treading on a worn road. But for me, it didn't end until I got suicidal and sought help instead of following through.

I had much bigger issues than just a writing block. I was never diagnosed with Depression (Cap just to differentiate from the mood). But I was definitely having a depressive crisis.

I'm in no position to tell you what you're feeling or experiencing. Only that I found similarities to a low point I reached. With that, I'll give you two thoughts I'm having in response to your post.

1) Stop making yourself write something, and just... write. Let whatever comes out wind up on the paper. Don't edit. Don't rewrite. Just write. And let each new bit onto the paper right after the previous bit.

Wash, rinse, repeat. Don't worry about the content. Just let it come out.

And 2) Get help. Priest, rabbi, mullah, school counselor, therapist, psychiatrist, just someone who will listen and maybe help you figure out what's happening. You have to be straight with them. Most of all, with yourself.

I wish you all the best. It's still in there, that love of writing. I'm sure of it.

Hyperminimalism · Jul 29, 2014

Director C said:
Have you tried writing poems? They don't have to be good. Just write out how you're feeling at the moment. Write a few lines and you're done. No pressure to move back to prose on any timetable. Just a way to vent emotions and also be writing.

Yes, and I dislike poetry quite a bit. xD I'm sorry, I have to confess. It was never a favorite of mine in school and I don't like it even now. *dodges the flying boots*

robjvargas said:
I'm very concerned by this. I went through something similar.

I haven't read the other posts, so I might be treading on a worn road. But for me, it didn't end until I got suicidal and sought help instead of following through.

I had much bigger issues than just a writing block. I was never diagnosed with Depression (Cap just to differentiate from the mood). But I was definitely having a depressive crisis.

I am not depressed, but I have been diagnosed with panic disorder. So I know there's something going on in my brain that's making it difficult for me to write like I used to be able to.

1) Stop making yourself write something, and just... write. Let whatever comes out wind up on the paper. Don't edit. Don't rewrite. Just write. And let each new bit onto the paper right after the previous bit.

Wash, rinse, repeat. Don't worry about the content. Just let it come out.

Here's the thing: I feel like that is what I'm doing. I'm not forcing myself to write. I want to write, so I sit down with a paper and pencil and don't necessarily go in any particular direction. Sometimes it goes here, sometimes it goes there, most of the time it doesn't go anywhere and I NEVER edit anything anymore. I don't really have anything to edit anyway, so it would be pointless of me to edit what is essentially notes.

And 2) Get help. Priest, rabbi, mullah, school counselor, therapist, psychiatrist, just someone who will listen and maybe help you figure out what's happening. You have to be straight with them. Most of all, with yourself.

I wish you all the best. It's still in there, that love of writing. I'm sure of it.

Yeah, I have sought out help, but that help is limited by money, time, and a lack of knowledge/experience from people who have never dealt with this subject. There are only so many things someone can do for you before they hit a dead end and cannot offer anymore help. I've been talking about this for over three years and have consulted dozens and dozens of people about it. It's only gotten me wedged even deeper between this rock and a hard place and has not shown signs of letting loose. In fact, it's even worse than when it started.

It's not so much now that I don't want to turn to help. It's rather I don't know where or who to talk to. I am more than willing to be straight, honest, and open about this situation, and have been trying to find people who will dedicate some time, but that is one thing I still struggle to find.

Director C · Jul 30, 2014

Hyperminimalism said:
Yes, and I dislike poetry quite a bit. xD I'm sorry, I have to confess. It was never a favorite of mine in school and I don't like it even now. *dodges the flying boots*

ha ha. No flying boots here. It's good that you know what you like.

Huntnpeck · Jul 30, 2014

Hyperminimalism said:
I am not depressed, but I have been diagnosed with panic disorder. So I know there's something going on in my brain that's making it difficult for me to write like I used to be able to.

Here's the thing: I feel like that is what I'm doing. I'm not forcing myself to write. I want to write, so I sit down with a paper and pencil and don't necessarily go in any particular direction. Sometimes it goes here, sometimes it goes there, most of the time it doesn't go anywhere and I NEVER edit anything anymore. I don't really have anything to edit anyway, so it would be pointless of me to edit what is essentially notes.

I'm sure panic disorder exhibits different degrees of severity, but you're fully functional holding two jobs and taking care of the necessities of life. What do you get panicky about, your inability to write?

I don't know if this will help, but I think you need a different approach without expectations. Try to let go of the thought of an end product and see if you can focus on the act of writing, making up a story.

Don't start with dialogue that has no purpose, get some ideas first. It can be part of a plot or just a situation and start to expand that in your mind. Maybe it would help to try something different. I'd recommend not even starting until you've thought up a story you like.

You're aiming too hard. Try Zen. Look away from that goal and find the story within you.
Regards,

Hyperminimalism · Jul 30, 2014

Huntnpeck said:
I'm sure panic disorder exhibits different degrees of severity, but you're fully functional holding two jobs and taking care of the necessities of life. What do you get panicky about, your inability to write?

I don't know if this will help, but I think you need a different approach without expectations. Try to let go of the thought of an end product and see if you can focus on the act of writing, making up a story.

Don't start with dialogue that has no purpose, get some ideas first. It can be part of a plot or just a situation and start to expand that in your mind. Maybe it would help to try something different. I'd recommend not even starting until you've thought up a story you like.

You're aiming too hard. Try Zen. Look away from that goal and find the story within you.
Regards,

It's not just writing that makes me anxious. Although I'm no longer having full blown panic attacks and landing myself in the hospital thinking I'm dying, everyday, on an anxiety scale of 1-10, I'm about a 2-3 for no obvious reason. I worry about everything, and it's been incredibly difficult to find a way to let it go. I am constantly worried about screwing up at work. I'm worried about things going on with my family, my finances, etc. It's a constant game of worry and writing always come last now. It used to be higher up on the ladder of things I worried about, but I have had no other choice than to let it fall down on the list of things I can't keep worrying about. Hell, I'm even worried about this trip I'm taking to California in less than two weeks, and I'm going to Disneyland/DCA for three days! I should be excited! But my cat has been having issues and I'm worried about him, too. See? So much worrying.

As for the actual writing part, I think I could manage to just write for whatever it is and not try to come up with a real beginning, middle, or end. I don't necessarily do that now, but after some observation, I feel this is where my brain immediately goes to as it was so used to doing that when I could write without issue. However, ideas for me are still very limited and few and far between. I don't know how to come up with them, if they should be mundane or if they should be extravagant or somewhere in between. I just don't knoooooww~

Huntnpeck · Jul 30, 2014

I'm sorry to read that, but look on the bright side you're better than you were.

"I worry about everything, and it's been incredibly difficult to find a way to let it go."

That's the key isn't it, letting go. I think it's different for everybody, but for some reason your mind won't let you relax. For some reason your insecurities need to be fed. The reason might not matter. Maybe it would help find a solution or a way to deal with it, but you probably already know.

When I was young I was a worrier, fearful and scared. I don't know why. When I was very young I stuttered and my mom helped me get over it by having me take a deep breath, slow down and relax. That was the key. Take the pressure off the first syllable and let it out. The rest will follow.

When I was a little older I asked myself, what was the worst that could happen? Chances are, that won't happen so what am I so worried about? I'd go through my worst case scenario and anything less seemed easier to take. Most of the time nothing happened or maybe I was praised for doing a good job.

I always knew that worry was counterproductive and made things worse. Panic is an extreme response that blocks rational and creative thought. You want to run and hide.

Life is a terrifying thing, full of imaginary monsters and ghosts, not to mention the real pitfalls. The realization that we're all alone is scary. Everyone is all alone, they might not realize it, but they are. Some people have a spouse or partner. They're alone too, but have to spend time catering to someone else. More worries?

Visualization helped me immensely. See yourself in a good place and figure out ways to make it happen. Think of how things can be better and plan for it. At the beginning of a trip visualize a parking space where you're going and keep it in the back of your mind. See if it works. Watch a funny movie and have fun. Somehow you have to trick yourself into letting go. Whatever works.
Regards,

Hyperminimalism · Jul 30, 2014

Huntnpeck said:
I'm sorry to read that, but look on the bright side you're better than you were.

"I worry about everything, and it's been incredibly difficult to find a way to let it go."

That's the key isn't it, letting go. I think it's different for everybody, but for some reason your mind won't let you relax. For some reason your insecurities need to be fed. The reason might not matter. Maybe it would help find a solution or a way to deal with it, but you probably already know.

When I was young I was a worrier, fearful and scared. I don't know why. When I was very young I stuttered and my mom helped me get over it by having me take a deep breath, slow down and relax. That was the key. Take the pressure off the first syllable and let it out. The rest will follow.

When I was a little older I asked myself, what was the worst that could happen? Chances are, that won't happen so what am I so worried about? I'd go through my worst case scenario and anything less seemed easier to take. Most of the time nothing happened or maybe I was praised for doing a good job.

I always knew that worry was counterproductive and made things worse. Panic is an extreme response that blocks rational and creative thought. You want to run and hide.

Life is a terrifying thing, full of imaginary monsters and ghosts, not to mention the real pitfalls. The realization that we're all alone is scary. Everyone is all alone, they might not realize it, but they are. Some people have a spouse or partner. They're alone too, but have to spend time catering to someone else. More worries?

Visualization helped me immensely. See yourself in a good place and figure out ways to make it happen. Think of how things can be better and plan for it. At the beginning of a trip visualize a parking space where you're going and keep it in the back of your mind. See if it works. Watch a funny movie and have fun. Somehow you have to trick yourself into letting go. Whatever works.
Regards,

You're right in that I am in a much better place than I was two or three years ago. I know that life isn't perfect and nothing in it will ever be. I know from therapy that there will always be stress in our lives, and it's not about never worrying about anything, but rather finding ways to deal with that stress in a healthy manner.

The thing about my anxiety is that I could be doing nothing, and nothing obvious could be wrong, but I'll still feel that horrid sinking, tingling feeling in my chest and my stomach and it'll radiate into my limbs. You know, the kind of feeling that makes you want to throw up a bit, or how you drop down suddenly and your stomach flies up into your chest. I'm not actively worrying about something as far as I know, but I'll catch myself tensing up and feeling those sensations.

I do this a lot at work, too, as I am in a customer service position. I've been doing it for over three years, and I know what I'm doing, been through the motions before time and time again and yet the anxiety still nips away at my heels. This is all deep in my subconscious, but I've come to realize that I can only do so much and there is a time when you just need help to find your way again.

*shrug*

The sad thing is--and getting back on track now--that even though writing has taken the back seat, I still worry about it just as much as i worry about everything else in my life. I just can't seem to do it as well as other stuff.

ishtar'sgate · Jul 30, 2014

Really sorry to hear about your problem. One of my relatives had clinical depression so I know these sorts of things are tough to live with. I suppose you have generalized anxiety disorder? Sounds like it anyway. Perhaps your psychiatrist can point you to a local group setting where people with the disorder support one another and discuss the things that helped them to deal with it.
Hope you can get a handle on it. Good luck.

Hyperminimalism · Aug 18, 2014

ishtar'sgate said:
Really sorry to hear about your problem. One of my relatives had clinical depression so I know these sorts of things are tough to live with. I suppose you have generalized anxiety disorder? Sounds like it anyway. Perhaps your psychiatrist can point you to a local group setting where people with the disorder support one another and discuss the things that helped them to deal with it.
Hope you can get a handle on it. Good luck.

You could call it generalized anxiety disorder. Typically, the group things are run by a professional, or you have to pay a membership fee. I've yet to find anything free so far, but I'll keep looking.

Falling Out of the Writing Scene?

dgarms

Hyperminimalism

I'm a Bolerian

dondomat

dgarms

Hyperminimalism

I'm a Bolerian

Director C

needy

dgarms

Hyperminimalism

I'm a Bolerian

robjvargas

Hyperminimalism

I'm a Bolerian

Director C

needy

Huntnpeck

Hyperminimalism

I'm a Bolerian

Huntnpeck

Hyperminimalism

I'm a Bolerian

ishtar'sgate

living in the past

Hyperminimalism

I'm a Bolerian