Need help with tense

FLChicken · Feb 24, 2015

I need your help. My MS is written in 3rd person past. It's a romance. A date has just ended and my heroine is at home, wishing the hero had stayed for the night. I'm struggling with past tense and hypotheticals/wishes because what I see online speaks to wishes regarding things that have happened in the past. (i.e. I wish my parents had survived the car crash.)

Here's an example where I want to make sure I have the right tense. This is what I have right now:

"If Mark had stayed, she could imagine him surrounding her with his firm body, keeping her warm."

Should it be: she could have imagined him?

Or if I say: She wished he'd have stayed. She could (have) imagine(d) him...

Help me! haha. Thanks in advance.

Neegh · Feb 24, 2015

If Mark had stayed, she Would have imagined his firm body surrounding her's to keep her warm.

Edit: wait a sec...whether he stayed or not, wouldn't she be imagining him holding her regardless?

Chase · Feb 24, 2015

ElleMason said:
"If Mark had stayed, she could imagine him surrounding her with his firm body, keeping her warm."

I agree with Neegh. The problem isn't so much tense as with a misplaced modifier.

Try something like: She imagined if Mark had stayed, his firm body surrounding her, keeping her warm.

guttersquid · Feb 24, 2015

ElleMason said:
I need your help. My MS is written in 3rd person past. It's a romance. A date has just ended and my heroine is at home, wishing the hero had stayed for the night.

She wished he'd have stayed. She could (have) imagine(d) him...

She wished he had stayed. She could imagine him surrounding her with his firm body, keeping her warm.

Neegh · Feb 24, 2015

Chase said:
I agree with Neegh. The problem isn't so much tense as with a misplaced modifier.

Try something like: She imagined if Mark had stayed, his firm body surrounding her, keeping her warm.

That's it.

Boy, I picked a great morning to run out of coffee.

FLChicken · Feb 24, 2015

Obviously, I need a entire pot of coffee and a time machine to send me back to English class. haha

Thanks everyone!

King Neptune · Feb 24, 2015

ElleMason said:
Obviously, I need a entire pot of coffee and a time machine to send me back to English class. haha

Thanks everyone!

Settle for the time machine; it would be more useful.

Need help with tense

FLChicken

Neegh

Chase

It Takes All of Us to End Racism

guttersquid

I agree with Roxxsmom.

Neegh

FLChicken

King Neptune