Will I Lose My Readers?

Mr Flibble said:

Grapes = sex?

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Only if you're Caravaggio. And then, only sometimes.

What it is -- often artists put objects in picture just because they're pretties. Sometimes, though, they're 'saying something'. One can look at the symbolic language of this period and interpret what the artist means.

Mr Flibble said:

You know, I never got that sexy thing from Caravaggio.

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Everybody's going to see a painting a little differently. Consider this one, Here Some folks will see an offer of a glass of wine. Others will see it a representation of the wine god with his signature product. To others it will be blatantly sensual -- the boy offering himself for homosexual liaison. For still others, it's about death and decay and the transience of youth and human pleasure.
All these interpretations are legitimate.

In that painting I link to above, the fruit is old, wormy and past date. It's maybe a vanitas. Ummm ... here is a discussion of that set of fruit. You have to scroll down a bit to find it.

Now why does any of this matter in that first paragraph from the O.P.?

The O.P. is speaking to an audience sufficiently familiar with Caravaggio that they can immediately recognize which painting is reffed. (This one here apparently.) Being knowledgeable, these readers are also familiar with the symbology in Caravaggio's paintings. When the internals of the POV character go off on the 'flowers are so much prettier' riff, the writer might consider showing this is the character's innocent view of the picture -- 'unreliable narrator' -- rather than the author's view.

Mr Flibble said:

Then again, I'm a sucker for internal thoughts etc.

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I'm very fond of them myself. My editor is always crossing out great swathes of lovely internal stuff.

ccarver30 said:

No disrespect but who in the blue hell knows THIS?!?

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Of the general American public, maybe 1 in 100.
Of the folks reading the messages in this thread ... a good half, I'd guess.

GrunAugen said:

I wonder if my opening scene will lose readers right away.

First off, the book's theme is very much against organized religion. The idea is that a Roman god is the same as a Celitc one, which is the same as a Christian one, Muslim one, etc...

When I first sat down to work on this project, I felt it was important to draw imagery of the book's theme without being blatant. The painting mentioned in the first paragraph is of great significance later in the book. In fact, the MC's understanding of it is what saves her life a few chapters later. But is the painting really worth mentioning in this opening paragraph?

I'm afraid I'll lose a bunch of potential readers right off the bat because this opening may not be something they can relate to. This is not, by any means, a very exciting "first three lines," but it's not meant to be.

I guess some other opinions would be nice. I've read it so much, I'm pretty much in conflict with myself. Here goes nothin:

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Apologies if someone else has already said this:

I think one thing that bothers me is that she seems to be casting aside the symbolism of Caravaggio's work. You say she knows it -- in fact, it saves her life -- but it seems in these few sentences that she's acting like that symbolism doesn't matter. Does that make sense? Maybe it's what she thinks and how she thinks it, but to me, it doesn't actually sound as if she really does get the symbolism.

I think you can come up with a better way to introduce the painting -- if it's central to your story, why not have a **dreaded prologue or something similar** in which we see the painting at another point in its life that's central to the present-day plot? (Okay, for those who hate prologues, a short Chapter 1!)

Hope this makes sense . . .

GrunAugen said:

Oh... and regarding the "hook" comments. ... She looked over and saw her six-year-old son lying motionless on the floor in a thick, red puddle. I turned the page only to find out he was playing dead with Karo syrup and food dye. I felt cheated when he popped up and made some "gotcha' mom" comment...

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That's not a hook. That's a gimmick. Pretty much a Cat Scare.

GrunAugen said:

I wonder if my opening scene will lose readers right away.

First off, the book's theme is very much against organized religion. The idea is that a Roman god is the same as a Celitc one, which is the same as a Christian one, Muslim one, etc...

When I first sat down to work on this project, I felt it was important to draw imagery of the book's theme without being blatant. The painting mentioned in the first paragraph is of great significance later in the book. In fact, the MC's understanding of it is what saves her life a few chapters later. But is the painting really worth mentioning in this opening paragraph?

I'm afraid I'll lose a bunch of potential readers right off the bat because this opening may not be something they can relate to. This is not, by any means, a very exciting "first three lines," but it's not meant to be.

I guess some other opinions would be nice. I've read it so much, I'm pretty much in conflict with myself. Here goes nothin:

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I like it but you will lose me if you don't go somewhere soon.

There's a big danger that it's going to be pages and pages of prose like that without it going anywhere.

I like your original first paragraph better than the current one. Sure, it's a little "tell," but it makes me care about the character a lot more. I'm more interested in her with that paragraph than I am with the first one.

All of which goes to show you that everybody's opinion of your writing will differ. You won't be able to make everybody happy. You'll do best to hone your critiquing skills of other people's work, because it allows you to critique your OWN work, and then you can form reasonably objective opinions if your work without having to juggle five hundred internet strangers' ideas on how to change it.