A poet's failure to do his job

William Haskins said:

i guess this is what one gets for stacking similes like hotcakes.

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A half loaf is better than none.

Metaphors are similes without bumpers.

Well, at least some of us have taken away something from this thread.

Please pass the scotch.

CassandraW said:

Pffft. What havoc have you wrought? I wreaked the goddamn havoc, missy, but isn't it just like you to try and glom the credit.




I hope you've learned something, at least.

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*Remembering to "quote" firat and type later*

Them who's willing to sacrifice their shithouse for shinola oughta walk a mile in my brother's shoes toting 5 gallons o'shine!

hmmmm.

poetinahat said:

Metaphors are similes without bumpers.

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Similies are smiles with too many eyes.









**If you don't know shit from shinola, PM me. If you must.

. . I'm having a cigarette in a non-smoking zone.

William Haskins said:

oh, i've learned nothing.

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Typical. Sometimes I don't know why I bother.

Magdalen said:

. . I'm having a cigarette in a non-smoking zone.

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My kinda gal. Thanks for the scotch.

Oh sorry i missed all the fun...i was still swooning.

If a fight breaks out send pics.

Stew21 said:

Oh sorry i missed all the fun...i was still swooning.

If a fight breaks out send pics.

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Cass left and took her cudgel with her. But she did try.

Text if you need me. I'll keep the cudgel handy, just in case.

William Haskins said:

I cannot put you into words.

They tumble
like nestlings
too soon testing
their wings

and melt
like snowflakes
swept into a
warming breeze.

You were born
for the brush,
the canvas,
the sculpted stone
that from a
fountain rises
into endless skies

and drives a man to civilize.

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Just to perhaps explain the swoon, highlight the craft, and counter the "cliche" thing.
These sets of words:

Nestling testing wing warming breeze (breeze is a close rhyme that transitions the next set)
Breeze born brush
Snowflakes swept sculpted stone skies. (Skies goes from rhyme to alliteration just as breeze did)
Skies drives civilize.

It's tight, cohesive and full of craft.

For content, the first line sets the scene. The poem proceeds to explain how words lack, because the lucky subject needs a different artistic medium to be expressed.
The poet isn't a painter, though.

Don't know about the rest of you, but the sentiment of this idea, was presented quite originally in my opinion. And quite beautifully. and those sets of words? Think about the challenge and thought demonstrated by those choices. And how simple and natural he made it look.

Skill, people.

I was just about to bitch about the way he uses rhyme, but now I'll have to look for something else.

I always look forward to your work, Hazkinz!!!! Thank you for posting.

Stew21 said:

Oh sorry i missed all the fun...i was still swooning.

If a fight breaks out send pics.

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I swooned too!
(Before the scotch, & again after the derail) at the depth & intensity of desire to render the subject. . . in addition to Stew's comments, I'll add I felt a very strong reaction at the initial read of this - very, very passionate & loving, IMHO. And that the poet feels unable to adequately express it while expressing it beautifully indeed, makes it really cool to me.

Thanks!!

Yes, Mag! Because besides craft, it has a hell of a lot of heart.

Renders emotions down to their lowest denominators, down to quick.

Magdalen said:

I swooned too!
(Before the scotch, & again after the derail) at the depth & intensity of desire to render the subject. . . in addition to Stew's comments, I'll add I felt a very strong reaction at the initial read of this - very, very passionate & loving, IMHO.

Thanks!!

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Agree completely. I'll admit I didn't get past my emotional reaction to think about the technical stuff until several reads in.

Of course, I was also busy cracking heads.

Along with the rest of you, I loved the last line, but for some reason, it is the opening that has echoed in my head for the last day or so.

Stew21 said:

and those sets of words? Think about the challenge and thought demonstrated by those choices. And how simple and natural he made it look.

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To me, this is his seal. Concise use of words, that both move the theme forward and have a satisfying ... mouth-feel? Can I use foodie words to describe poetry? I think I can. There is something so visceral about William's choice of words, there are times that I find it difficult to control a physical response, a sharp intake of air, sudden dryness on my tongue, fingernails on my palms, the beginnings of a tear.