Your wish is granted...

Denied. Eating unhealthy food is already healthy for the doctors as the illnesses one gets with unhealthy foods keeps the money rolling in the doctor's bank account.

I wish I could speak with the soul of my dead orange plant and ask it whether its angry with me.

Granted. It is. Furious. Stay tuned for The Orange Plant's Killer Revenge!

I wish my story would have won that competition, the one where you win £1000 cash.

Granted, and congratulations! Your prize is waiting for you in Davy Jones' Locker.

I wish my protagonist would decide what happens next so I can write about it.

Granted. It decides to remain in a state of indecision. Enjoy your writing!


I wish I could write a brilliant book in ten minutes.

Granted. You write "Lightbulbs for Dummies". Ten minutes might have been overkill.

I wish for a lightbulb that never burns out.

You have presented the Genie with an interesting challenge, but he has decided to grant your wish. First, you must be aware of the following:

http://www.metrolyrics.com/never-is-a-long-time-lyrics-red-hot-chili-peppers.html

Next, the Genie has arranged to transfer this bulb to you. It has lasted 110 years and is guaranteed to last another 110, which--though the Genie wishes you the very best of health--is longer than you will need, probably.

http://weinterrupt.com/2011/06/110-year-old-light-bulb-still-burns/




I wish my next book would be an international best-seller.

Granted. Your book is a best-seller round the world! Unfortunately you were only the ghost-writer, so you get little of the money and none of the fame.

I wish I were a successful ghost writer. At least it's steady work.

You will be a ghost writer. Simply chain yourself to the writing desk, stay there a while and eventually you will be a ghost who has naught to do but write. I wonder what genre you will pick...


I wish the ghosts in my room would stop tidying it up.

Granted. The ghosts now set everything on fire instead.

Granted! Easiest wish ever.... nothing at all!!

I wish everything was that easy.

Denied. No explanation required.

I wish I had a moat.

Granted only if you allow Genie and his cousins to bathe in it, and we've got seven feet long, curly strands of arm pit hair. Try to close your curtains.

I wish my shoulder's wound would heal quickly.

Done. But now your other should has a wound.

I wish I could go back in time and make my first wish.

Granted, but the Paradox Protocol defaulted that first wish to transport you forward to the present again. You now bear a striking resemblance to Michael J. Fox.

I wish I bore a striking resemblance to someone rich and famous, so that I would get preferential treatment at social gatherings.

Partly granted. Genie couldn't do much about the rich, but did manage the famous: You now greatly resemble Charles Manson.

I wish the wind would blow my troubles away.

Oh dear. It's granted but that wind has picked up in rapid speed and is now a dangerous vortex, a troubled tornado, if you will. And now it's everyone's problem too.

I wish everything I touched turned to candy.

Granted, and now you have the same problem as King Midas. Everything you touch turns to candy, including your dog, your cat, your toothbrush, your bed, your car, your fried eggs and your significant other. You live in a world of fudge and bonbons and cotton candy. Eat!

I wish I could read all the books in the library in one day.

Granted. You can consume the entire contents of my neighbor's library in one day! It consists solely of One Fish, Two Fish, Red Fish, Blue Fish. Perhaps you meant a different library...

I wish I had a copy of every book in the Library of Congress.

Granted. The first shipments will appear on your lawn in a few minutes. Also, you didn't specify, so the Genie-on-duty translated all of the texts into his native Sanskrit. Enjoy!

I wish I could read Sanskrit.

Granted. Unfortunately, due to a technological error and a slightly dyslexic genie, your wish was interpreted as 'I wish I could read tirksnaS'. You are now the sole speaker of tirksnaS and have somehow managed to forget all other languages. Good luck with your communication skills!

I wish my pupils would pass their exams with flying colours.

Good news! You've just been to the ophthalmologist (Genie knows how to spell that!) for an exam, and your pupils did great! As to the rest of your eyes, tho...

I wish I had perfect vision.

Granted. The Genie does not have a degree in ophthalmology, but he can provide you with a perfect vision of another kind. You will wake up in the middle of the night and see a vision of an angel drinking beer. You will report this to the media, and soon you will become famous and be hired by Coors to promote its products.

I wish my wallet was full of hundred-dollar bills.

Granted. Unfortunately, you do not live in The Monopoly World so your money won't buy you very much. But when you can't afford the heating, you could always burn it for warmth!


I wish I would beat my brother at monopoly. (I'm sure he's cheating...)

Unfortunately you did not capitalise the "M" in Monopoly, so you sabotaged your own wish. Genie grants you total domination of whichever market your brother has dreamed of a successful business in since he was a wee boy, which crushes his entrepreneurial spirit so he hates you for good.

I wish I could be calm whenever I choose.

Granted. Here is a hammer. Bang it on your head, and you will be calm for three or four minutes, if not much longer.

I wish I could grow mushrooms on my window sill.