Last goes first:

Reading the sports section (the only section worth reading in his opinion), Jake noted with dismay that Jose Canseco had shot off his finger.

Finger painting is easy, and if you know how to promote yourself, you can pretend you've invented a new art trend and earn big money in galleries.

Galleries, long, dark, cold, always ending in forbidding stone walls, led Tom and Becky to the brink of despair.

Despair was not a new emotion for Tom and Becky, as both were heavy into the goth scene.

Scene of the crime is a conventional way to start a mystery.

Mystery novels require a certain restraint on the author's part.

Part of the code was in fact, a nasty little virus.

Virus in my computer makes me write these silly posts.

Silly Posts are better than Angry Rants.--s6

Rants are [NAME WITHHELD]'s specialty, which explains why she is being banned from this forum.

This forum keeps me sane. --s6

Sane people are a rarity on many of these threads.

Threads make the man, lace makes the woman--s6

The woman is fickle--and I'm only quoting Rigoletto.

Rigoletto? Surely you jest?

Jest the Duke of Mantua does not when he sings "La donna è mobile"--but of course, the irony is that he is fickle himself.

Himself is fickle but poor Gilda can't see it for herself. --s6

Herself was a good girl but himself was another story.

"Story time," the old man said, with a clap of his hands.

"Hands across the water, hands across the sea..." warbled Sir Paul.

Paul, Rand, the junior Senator from Kentucky, recently said on CNN, "Our brand is not so good.....The [Republican] party has to change.....Evolve, adapt or die."

Die Meistersinger tormented and depressed the child shakey, a shaky and incompetent flautist.

Flautist Shakey stood in the wings nervously clutching her instrument, trying to build confidence as she prepared to step onto the stage and perform Mozart's Flute Concerto No. 1 in G major (K. 313) before more than three thousand people in Carnegie Hall.

Carnegie Hall? Try St. Rose Grade School Auditorium and the song was "Grandfather's Clock".

Clocks are supposed to tell you the time, not the winning lottery numbers.