Ah yes menopause and weight gain. We are intimately acquainted as well.
I've gained about 20 lbs in the last 4 years because I didn't adapt my pre-menopause eating habits to my new reality. Not that I was an unhealthy eater before but I was an unthinking eater, but I find that now I have to consider what I'm eating before I eat it - do I need it? Am I actually hungry or do I just want it?
In the last two weeks I've lost 5 lbs by limiting my carbs and imo it's not so much the carbs themselves, but the type of carbs I was eating and what I put on them. Ie potatoes need lots and lots of butter, likewise bread, so I just don't have them often now. The carbs I do have now are high fibre. If I have pasta, I try to make sure it's high fibre and I have a lot of veggies in the dish and less pasta. Ditto rice dishes (brown rice). Potatoes are eaten with the skin. Sandwiches are on skinny bread and loaded with veggies along with the protein (eggs, tuna, chicken). For me at least, I found by doing it this way I'm not feeling deprived, I can eat what everyone else is eating and fewer carbs means that I'm not craving a cookie or something else sweet an hour after the meal. In fact the other day I had some Oreos and I found I really didn't enjoy them - they were far too sweet.
I eat a protein, and a high fibre carb, plus veggies (and maybe some fruit) at every meal. While I limit my fat I don't cut it out entirely - peanut butter has fat, I will lightly butter my bread or leave it off if I'm using mayo, I use salad dressing (I make my own) etc. I think you need that fat to help keep you satiated.
While I don't count calories per se I am aware of them so I keep my portions controlled. If I'm having a box cereal and it says 20 squares are x amount of calories, I've made a mental note of where that number aligns in my bowl. If I have a potato it's a small one, about a cup of rice or pasta,I don't eat a huge amount of meat (about the size of a deck of cards).
Another thing I've done is make sure that I eat regularly from all the food groups - protein, fat, carb, veg - I'll have a small handful of almonds, some yoghurt, cottage cheese, cheese stick, or peanut butter along with a few crackers and a small piece of fruit/or a cup of berries between meals. I allow myself all the veggies and salad I want I just watch how much dressing I put on it.Lately I LOVE the fresh snap peas for a snack - they hit all the buttons for me - crunchy, cool, sweet.
I've increased my water consumption, plain and fizzy and I drink a fair bit of tea (decaf Earl Grey) and I don't eat after 7 in the evening. If I'm hungry I will have more tea (sipping something hot seems to help) and if I'm really hungry a small yoghurt.
Since you don't eat meat you could adapt this easily to what type of protein you do eat.
Another thing that I do is not to expect every meal to be a gourmet treat - it has to be tasty enough to eat yes but food is ultimately fuel, it is something to put on our bodies to allow it to run it doesn't necessarily have to be 5 star dining at all times.
I'm not sure if anything I've said is of any use to you but maybe there is something in there that can work for you as well.